AIBU to ask about late development in toddlers?

[LadyDowagerHatt]

Just posting here rather than the development board as I'm looking for answers from anyone who has been through this and what was the outcome for your DC.

My DD is 21 months and isn't walking or talking. She demonstrates some understanding but it is not great. She is really happy and social - laughs and smiles a lot, 'dances' to music and singing, has always wanted to be held and be cuddled (I do wonder if this has contributed to the not walking). She has hit her earlier milestones a little late but not worryingly so e.g. sat up unaided at 7 months, crawled at 12 months.

We have an appointment to see a paediatrician in May (earliest we could get). When the HV and a GP saw her at 18 months they didn't seem too concerned, just said to wait and see.

I am getting really worried now, she just seems so far behind her peers and there doesn't seem to be any area she is progressing well with e.g. non talkers are often very physical or have good fine motor skills or vice versa. On the one hand I hear about late developing toddlers where they have a sudden leap at some point and catch up and I hope that could apply to her. On the other hand I worry that there is something wrong (no idea what?) and what the future may hold for her. People say that you often know right from the start if there is something not quite right with your child - even though she is my second I have no idea, apart from the obvious developmental delays.

I know I have to wait to see the consultant and nobody can form an opinion without seeing her, I just wanted to get an idea of others experiences with this.

My DN didn't talk till really late .At 4 he spoke but no one could understand a muffled babble HV thought he had ASD but all of a sudden it came at once now at sixth form expecting a top uni place.

My friend is a speech therapist and she said that at 18 months they should say some singular words and by 2 they should be putting two words together.
So the fact he she says mamma and dadda and more is encouraging even if it is less than most.
I would be more worried if she wasn't babbling as that's the start of language attempts. I would still see a paed for my own piece of mind though

My dd could talk very early. When we had ds he babbled til he was about 3. He had odd singular words, but anymore and no one could understand. He used to get very distressed when people couldn't understand him. He was very different. He is now 4 and in the last year he has caught right up. I was very worried. I think you are doing the right thing, having it all checked. Even if it just puts your mind at rest.

Her walking sounds like my dd1. She walked at 19 months so I didn't pursue a referral at the time. I should have done though, at 6 she was diagnosed as hypermobile and it explains a lot! She sees a pediatrician regularly (NHS) and has orthotics. It's not really a big deal, she doesn't let it hold her back.

One thing that helped when she started walking was to get her a pair of stiff shoes--totally against what the shoe stores say but a very structured pair of boots helped keep her feet in the right position and stabilized her. Her orthotics do that now; she still has difficulty when she's barefoot!

Good luck, sometimes you have to really push to get the referrals but once you do the peads & therapists are very understanding and helpful!

I know there are other reasons I was just giving an example . My DD has a developmental disorder and hit milestones very early then a few years ago progress just stopped in all areas.

The reason I knew ds2 had 'something wrong' wasn't purely because he didn't develop language. All his early social comminication signs were missing (pointing, returning a smile, lifting arms to be picked up, looking me in the eye, following my gaze with his eyes). He was diagnosed with ASD at 2.5 years.

Ds3 is 1 year 2 months now and no words but bags of social communication. We 'communicate' all the time and he can do so easily what his older brother finds so hard.

Your HV should have referred dd for a hearing test at 18 months. Can you go back and ask her to do it? It's just helpful to rule stuff out.

Good luck with the paed appointment. Pop over to the sn board if you need advice as there is lots of collective experience there!

Ds1 walked at 16m. He'd been cruising for a long time, but wasn't interested in going solo, but he was a crawler and was satisfied with his skills. Once he did walk, he was off and very competent.

His speech is delayed though. He started off in the right range of sinminimal words and was quite clear. He wasn't a babbler. Then at 2, he stalled for a long time. I raised it with the HV, but they were satisfied with his vocabulary range. Progress continued to be fairly mini At 3.5, his idea of a sentence was 3 or 4 words to give the gist, and no sense of grammar. Nursery and I started a referral back to the HVs. 9 months on, and we've just had a speech therapy assessment. His language is jumbled. He has good vocabulary, but many holes in his language skills. Apparently there is a language disorder there, but the nature of it needs to be identified. He is quite clearly an able child who picks up ideas easily, he just struggles to articulate them. As a younger toddler, he studied everything and was clearly a thinker. It was just too soon to have the evidence of what was holding him back.

As someone already said about something or nothing... For us, there is something specific, and we've done well to get it identified and into professional hands at this stage, as for our concern it's often picked up later.

Hope all goes well.

I know data isn't the plural of anecdote, but just to give you another anecdote, DS1 crawled at 12 months, walked at 22 months and didn't say a word till over 2. And didn't potty train till over 3. He is now (age 6) absolutely flying at school, in the top 2-3 in his class in all academic subjects. Not the most physical child in the world, but perfectly competent, below average in the class I guess but not worryingly so at all, rides a bike, runs etc.

I have twins, one walked at 13 months, was talking in sentences at 18 months and basically was being a smarty pants. The other one walked months later, at 23 months months only said, mama, dad, bobo (milk) and could make some animal noises, baa, moo etc. 2 days before her 2nd birthday (and just after i'd filled out her 2 year evaluation form stating i was really worried because she basically wasn't saying anything) she started talking in sentences and now at nearly three won't stop talking EVER! haha.
So she could just be a slow starter. You are right to seek further evaluation though and hopefully it is nothing but if not then they will put her in speech therapy and she will catch up quickly. BIG HUGS though, having kids is scary and worrying. x

This might be worth looking through, and making notes on, to take to medical appointments.

www.sompar.nhs.uk/content/26210/33259/Fact_File_for_Early_Years_-FINAL%282%29_-_111012.pdf

I could have written this about a year ago. Please get her eyes tested !!! My ds didn't crawl until 14 months didn't walk until 23 months and is having speech therapy due to speech delay , he is now 3.
He had his eyes tested at 2 yr as my dh has a lazy eye. It turns out he has very poor vision which has caused significant learning delay. Since he started wearing glasses he is a different boy. He is learning to talk, his balance and coordination has improved and he is now keen to be sociable.
I never suspected him of having poor eye sight as he coped so well, never bumped into anything and was like any other child, but about 12-18 months behind his peers in different aspects.

Nothing useful to add but felt like I wanted to join in! My DD is also 20 months and isn't walking yet. Cruises everywhere but won't walk or stand by herself. It's quite worrying seeing so many younger babies walking confidently but I'm trying not to worry too much. Her speech is ok (I'm not really sure what counts as normal) but the walking is getting to be a big worry

Hi all, thanks so much for all your responses, I can't tell you how useful it is to know about others experiences.

Andanotherthing - thanks for sharing about your DS2. I must admit my DD has missed some of those milestones like pointing and she doesn't easily follow my gaze or where I am pointing to, but on the other hand she is very smiley and initiates a lot of communication like playing peekaboo with her bib, clapping for attention, giving kisses etc. Like others have said I guess it could be something or nothing.

Thanks JSOtherhalf, that is really useful.

Buttercup27, I never thought about eyesight but my mum and my auntie have an astigmatism and were always amazed their children didn't inherit it so definitely worth getting checked out. Would you go to the opticians for an eye test at 21 months or GP/referral.

My HV is being pretty unhelpful. I rang her yesterday to talk about SALT referral and hearing check but she was advising me to wait until I see the paed on 15th May. She said it would be quicker as they would fast track but I'm not taking the risk and have self referred - if I end up with two appointments I can always cancel one. She was also not convinced about a hearing test before the paed appt but I will arrange that through the GP. It seems like because she has referred my DD and she is now 'in the system' she seems to think her job is done and doesn't want to get involved, which is very frustrating.

Hopefully and Pengweng - I like anecdotes like those! Glad to hear your DCs are doing so well now. When I see my DD next to her peers who are walking and talking it's hard to imagine her ever being on a par with them so good to know that it they can catch up. Apparently my dad started speaking in sentences at 3 after not having single words so I am hopeful that she is just a slow starter and will suddenly just pick it all up one day!

MrsMook - glad to hear you spotted your DS' language disorder and he is getting the support he needs. It seems like half the battle is identifying what the issue is then at least you can get the right help.

Jumblebee - are you seeing a paed about the walking? Hopefully she will get there soon but I know in our region they get need to seen by a HV at 18 months and referred at 20 months. In my experience of how long it has taken to get an appointment it might be better to have one lined up and hopefully you will end up having to cancel it if she walks in the meantime!

Hi LadyDowager

I had some concerns about my DD when she was 1-2 (she's now aged 4) (although slightly different to your concerns).

First thing to say is they can and do make huge and unexpected progress in relatively short space of time.

Second thing is that even so, you are doing the absolute right thing by seeing a paed. I agree about getting hearing tested, and a speech therapy report as well. Often paeds will defer to specialist speech therapists and physios/occupational therapists with respect to their specific specialities.

We saw a child development paed who set in motion a multi-disciplinary assessment (ie. OT/physio assessment, speech assessment, hearing assessment). This was extremely illuminating and it was the specialist physio and OT who worked out what was up with our DD - dyspraxic tendencies (affecting coordination and planning skills which has a knock-on affect on social skills) combined with hypermobility/low muscle tone). Anyway, as a result she has had intervention and is doing brilliantly now, within 'normal' range, although she's never going to be 'sporty' but she should be able to cope.

We were able (at stretch!) to afford to go privately but it does cost a fortune. The NHS should be able to do a multi-disciplinary as well but it helps to know what to ask for I think. Don't be afraid to push if you don't feel you are getting a good response from the paed - in my experience they take clearly articulated and informed concern from parents seriously.

Good luck!

The health visitor referred us because if family history the only useful thing she did I would ask for a referral either at docs/pead/hv . I was truly amazed at how poor his eye sight is as he coped so well.

My son is 3 yrs and 3 months and still very behind in his speech and understanding. He is attending normal nursery twice a week and a special nursey where he is getting help with his speech and social skills. I am still worried if he will be ready for reception school next year in September. They have said that he will need a 1:1. Am just so confused if he will ever be like other kids able to communicate and be independent. Most kids of his age are fully potty trained and he is not yet. The paediatrician in his first meeting said that he might be autistic. But he has good eye contact, he can count one to 10 and sometimes to 20. He can say abc alphabets to z. But he doesn’t point with his fingers or wave goodbye. Sometimes it is hard to get his attention when you call his name. His sister is 7yrs old. I just wonder when my son will be okay? Should I be very worried?

A bit more anecdata for you OP...

My son didn't start talking until he turned 2. By the time he was seen by the health visitor at 2 years 2 months he had over 100 words. He was still ranked at the bottom end of normal but the HV had no concerns about him.

My cousin didn't walk until he was over 2, just bum shuffled everywhere. Then one day he just got up and walked, totally out of the blue. He's now 18 and a black belt in several martial arts.

So I don't think either late talking or late walking is necessarily a cause for concern and since your toddler has met every other milestone on time I'm sure he'll be fine and catch up normally. But I think you're right to chase up things like SaLT referrals because, as pp said, its easier to drop off the list if you decide you don't need help, than to get on the list if you do.

@Hopefully are you a Matt Dillahunty fan by any chance? He's the only other person I've heard say "the plural of anecdote isn't data" (if not you should be so go look him up, everybody go look him up!)