To not always follow through on a threat?

[Goldenyellowhibiscus]

Possibly I am.

I read a lot on here that once something is threatened it must be followed through no matter what, even if it is deemed to be harsh.

I don't do this. I will sometimes say to DC1 something that when I've thought about it is a bit harsh or disproportionate to the 'offence.' If I've overreacted I apologise and explain why I overreacted.

I'm not saying this happens every day but I never feel I have to doggedly stick to something I've threatened. AIBU? Or do others parent like me - probably badly!

YANBU, admitting that sometimes you get it wrong is a better lesson in taking responsibility and better role modelling than rigidly following through on something you've said in the heat of the moment.

I had to teach myself to stop and think about what I was threatening, so I could make a clear decision.

This was because like you, I thought some of them were too harsh and I'd end up relenting.

It wasn't really fair on the kids to have to second guess what was a real threat and what wasn't.

I think where possible everyone should think carefully and give clear warnings before issuing consequences but every now and again this won't happen because we're all human. In those instances I think it's really important to do as you've suggested and be really clear with the DC about why you are relenting rather than just quietly drop the punishment and leave them to second guess as WorraLiberty said.

I think backing down, explaining why and telling your doc why you over reacted isn't quite the same as not following through.

I think it's good for children to see you can over react but that you can also admit it and explain your feelings.

That's very different to threatening something then not doing it and not addressing it at all.

True. I suppose I was thinking of 'well now you have told DCs that X you MUST do X otherwise ...' which is very rigid thinking to me.

I've done this today, threatened to throw all toys left on the floor into the bin if not tidied before lunch. Was never going to happen! Dd had a really good tidying session so I explained she had done well and I wouldn't throw anything away this time. Have previously carried out the threat although was a manly old magazine that got chucked

I often shout say IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN, I'LL ... I'LL ... ERM ...'

I agree with you OP. IMO doggedly sticking to a threat and refusing to back down on principle isn't better parenting than admitting you've had a rethink.

My dd is literal thinker, having AS. I remember when she was younger and I was having a rant and threatened to take away a comic she had.

She asked "Is that a threat?" It really threw me! I ripped it up and put it in the bin. Not my proudest moment but I was following my parents way of always following through.

I have since found my own, completely different, way.