to be considering going it alone?

[mikado1]

My oh and I have now not spoken more than a few civil words in 3 weeks. He has always found it hard/impossible to speak about hisffeelings and I have just gotten so annoyed with the silent treatment that I have joined him. It all feels very stressful and tense. We have a 3yo and I am pregnant so I am distraught at the thought of the future but also find myself thinking of the realities and practicalities of being on my own. The reason for the first silence is often forgotten but we can't seem to get ourselves back from it..I have tried 3/4 times to speak about it in last few weeks and told him he needs to but I get 'what do you want me to say?' Or'ggive it a rest'. I know he thinks we should make up by having sex and get over it ie not bother talking about it but this type of thing keeps recurring-including the him wanting sex when I have zero interest with someone who won't open up to me. He can get very angry/moody and fly off the handle and I cannot stand this. He promised three months ago he would get help for this but has done nothing. He is extremely defensive of any slight criticism, the equivalent of which I would just apologise for, and I know he thinks I am hyper critical and niggly over ds. I probably have been negative the last few weeks cos I have given up on keeping up chatting and asking questions only to get yes/no/oh responses so am just commenting on things that were supposed to be done that weren't. Know this is lengthy but trying not to dripfeed. Just feel so lonely and uncared for and so terrified for my dc in future. Ds is crazy about his dad.

He sounds almost like he has OCD, and if this is the case, it may be something to do with why he can't communicate very well. I struggled for years to express exactly what was annoying me.

Counselling helped me to open up and realise that I could be annoyed about things that aren't/weren't going perfectly (Acute perfectionism and OCPD here) but that it really wasn't the end of the world, and I didn't need to allow so much anxious behaviour over trivial things. Like someone replacing a mug in the cupboard upside down.

I know that all sounds silly, but these small things (as well as larger things such as not being able to get the house remodelled fast enough) would eat at me, and I would be torn between saying something about it and thinking that I would be childish to express how it made me feel.

Maybe your dh knows he is being unreasonable (no matter how hard he tries not to be) and feels stupid talking about it. Then gets annoyed because the issue doesn't get resolved, which piles up and up and up.

As horrible as it sounds, I started resenting my family, even though I knew it was my problem. Kind of like I expected them to be mindreaders or something. I didn't want to feel that way, and it came to a head when I felt myself sinking into depression.

Perhaps you could both sit down (separately if you wish) and write down the things you desire from the relationship. The trouble with this is it has to be brutally honest. I remember writing that I wanted sex to be intimate, not just something we did

Swap lists and see how similar they are, which areas you think you are achieving and which things you could take into consideration for the other person. He could compromise on letting toys lie for a while, and you could make an effort to remember shoes/bags.

It really sounds like you want to stay together, so I hope you find a way through this.

Thank you so much splodgeses, you have made me cry.. thank you for giving so much time and thought to your reply. The mug example is a good one-he always puts tins in cupboard facing the right way and will right them if I disturb it.. :/ We have a takeaway on the way so I will try, yet again, to talk.. we have the same cycles over and over since ds was born so know we need outside help if we're to survive. .

two please don't ever assume I deliverately have misread anything. I gave my opinion, having read the OP. The fact that it doesn't accord with the majority is academic. It is still an opinion. Many thanks.