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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want XH to continue to pay child maintenance through the CSA?

19 replies

pinkrocker · 05/04/2015 13:14

He's lost his job, and whilst I feel for him and his new family, I think the least he could do is continue to pay the £5 a week, from his unemployment benefit for the two DC's we have.
He says he doesn't want the CSA involved and that he'll pay me what he can when he can.
I have found my relationship with the CSA rocky at times, but they did succeed in getting a wage deduction from his last job, paying me directly, and also got 6 months arrears back as well after he refused to pay me anything for months (went to Ibiza instead).
If I cancel the agreement with the CSA, and re-start it at a later date (if he hopefully gets a job) I would now have to now pay a fee wouldn't I?

OP posts:
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 13:17

YANBU.

PtolemysNeedle · 05/04/2015 13:18

Leave the agreement in place. Your ex lost the right to choose a private arrangement when he refused to pay anything last time.

Original poster
pinkrocker · 05/04/2015 13:20

THANK YOU - I was hoping I wasn't being a cow. Those are the exact words I will say to him Ptolemy.

OP posts:
basgetti · 05/04/2015 13:20

YANBU. He has a history of not paying so best to keep things official.

EveBoswell · 05/04/2015 13:21

If I were in the same position as you and have money coming in, however small an amount, I would not mess around with 'the system'. Someone at CSA successful got you something to come from your Ex so don't mess up the current money situation.

Stop thinking about him and think about your DCs.

riverboat1 · 05/04/2015 13:22

If he had a good track record of paying, maybe I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt. But given his refusal to pay for 6 months before, I think you'd be better staying with the CSA. And it's only £5 a week, I don't think it's likely to be make or break for him/his other dependants.

bloodyteenagers · 05/04/2015 13:33

You stop the claim, and yes when you re claim you will have to pay a fee.

He hasn't been regular with payments in the past, hence a run up of arrears. Not someone you can trust. I also wouldn't trust that he would be honest and say he has got a job. With csa it will become apparent sooner that he is no longer on benefits... The sceptical part also wonders if he is on benefits, and it's not another story to get out of his commitments,

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 05/04/2015 13:39

Yes it's a £20 admin fee to process claim then he will pay a fee for them to collect as will you but his will be higher.

£1.51 they manage to collect for me is coming to an end in July I have to make new claim with new system. I'm defeated its cost more in phone calls and the arse is working cash in hand

CupidStuntSurvivor · 05/04/2015 14:31

If he's asking you to cancel a CSA arrangement as small as £5 a week in favour of him giving 'what he can, when he can', he doesn't intend to pay you. Leave it in place.

AlpacaMyBags · 05/04/2015 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justyou · 05/04/2015 14:52

I think looking at the new system the amount payable is less than the current one so he may want you to be moved to that so when he gets a job his payment is less !

PeachyPants · 05/04/2015 14:54

You are absolutely not being unreasonable, as others have said he has forfeited any reasonable expectations for you to be flexible or consider private arrangements because of his past behaviour.

Starlightbright1 · 05/04/2015 15:01

Another leave it there. My Ex has never worked and I get £10 a fortnight. It is taken directly from his benefits.

I also think if he ever gets a job..not holding my breath I will find out.

I can't see where your children benefit from removing the CSA

Original poster
pinkrocker · 05/04/2015 15:23

I dont think they'd benefit from me leaving the csa system either, but the £5 a week doesn't go far. He'll go self employed and fiddle his books, his gf's ex does exactly that and also gets £5 a week from him.
Thanks all!

OP posts:
Starlightbright1 · 05/04/2015 16:07

The Seld employed card shows itself so many times on here. It is a shame these agencies or the government do nothing to help the children of parents who are self employed to not pay but it is clearly not a vote winner and the government doesn't think it will gain enough.

Original poster
pinkrocker · 05/04/2015 18:13

You're right. If they show their books to the taxman and or CSA they can say for example, they've only worked 12 hours this week and write anything they feel like, can't they.
Unless I spy on him there's no way of proving anything.
Utter arse.

OP posts:
Fiddlerontheroof · 05/04/2015 18:16

Leave the claim right there. My ex would completely hold me to ransom if he didn't have the CSA on his back, and he's got self employed income they catch up with about once every 18 months on top of his salary. X

WonderingWillow · 05/04/2015 18:19

YANBU OP. Leave the claim. He would if it was the other way around.

textfan · 05/04/2015 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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