To want just ONE day

[BishopBrennansArse]

Where posters aren't shitting all over parents of disabled children?

So far today I've read that people having to use queuing assistance due to autism are 'entitled' and that actually the need to balance the economy is more important than my family's emotional survival.

This in top of a week where people have been justifying taking my kids' dignity through misusing disabled facilities is really hard to take.

I mean really. The change of routine of holidays / Easter celebrations is making life hard enough today and then coming on here for a bit of escapism and finding that....

Why aren't parents of disabled children able to just come on here and have the social contact that is sorely lacking from RL? Why should we have to be on here educating and explaining all the time? Being called entitled, scrounging and lazy?

Why are we and our children considered different? We're parents too, our children are children too.

Im sorry to hear you feel that way
Im the parent of a disabled teenager and I don't feel that way. It maybe depends on the thread subjects you are reading but I love the support from MN and always enjoy coming on here. I definately don't feel like I'm getting a battering in RL or on MN.

You are obviously having a very bad time of it because there were lots of positive posts on that thread too. Problem is, if you have zero knowledge of dealing with SN kids you just have absolutely no idea how hard it is,and how it affects everything you do!

Just take comfort in the fact that we are wonderful, empathetic women whose lives have been enhanced by the learning experience of having 'different' children. And have some chocolate too!

There are people defending being a traveller on a thread.

There are people having to explain why they are on benefits and being called scroungers

Single mums explaining why they had kids with man who ended up walking away

There are people who are dickheads on this forum who think there life/family and experiences are be all and end all and can't understand why people aren't exactly the same as them.

As long as they are small minded twats about then educating and explaining will constantly be needed. It's a shame as no one should have to explain their circumstances to online strangers only to receive abuse or have their life choices questioned.

Many people here will feel the same.

I don't have a child with disabilities so I don't understand your daily routine and the things you have to put up with but I do understand the constant explaining and just wanting some adult conversation even if it is just on a forum

So for you

Some of the attitudes are really shitty. The trouble is a lot of people have literally no concept of what it is like to have a disabled relative of any age, never mind a child. There's no interest in learning about what doesn't affect you directly a lot of the time.

I've no experience of parenting a child with SN's or a physical disability or indeed, parenting at all yet but I've learnt a lot from mumsnet with regard to both.

I grew up with an older relative who has SN's (no idea what his diagnosis is really, he's just him) and also a relative who became disabled due to illness. I think any kind of exposure to it can influence your thinking. I've never thought people who have SN's or disabilities are different or, for want of a better word, scary or other as a result.

I'm sorry you feel so down, I can understand why. Not everyone thinks the way the people grinding you down do and will support you on here

Yes, I get it in the neck for being on benefits too.
I'm well aware it's just an elements nc here that does the crap in the OP, by the way and I thank you all for the support.

Trouble is that element will be bloody gleeful that they've achieved this.

YANBU, just unrealistic unfortunately.

I've been on enough disabled toilet and wheelchair spaces on buses threads on here to know that there'll always be some really selfish fuckers out there.

I haven't read the queuing one, my DS has ASD and couldn't queue at all when he was young, maybe I'll avoid that one.

Don't let the bastards get you down!

Sorry you are having such a difficult time. There are just people who unless directly affected have no clue about differently able people. I hadn't a clue how difficult life is for parents until my beautiful niece came along, she has opened all our eyes and taught us so much. She hates the term disabled or special needs so we say differently abled. Her mother has to spend her time fighting for everything when she should be spending time with dn. I hope your day improves

Love your username btw.

I thought the SN boards were pretty safe havens for what you want, OP. Not like that any more?

My kids don't have SN. They often misbehave and i wish other people had more understanding and tolerance of them.

People are happy to condemn my children for being little horrors. No one is going to reply to this post to say I shouldn't be called a terrible parent when my kids behave like brats.

At least you get some respite from being labeled a shitty parent, OP.

Of course, yes. Because we should all toddle off there and 'be with our own kind' shouldn't we?

I think Ragged was actually trying to be supportive OP, not suggesting you should be ghettoised, no need to bite her head off. Ragged couldn't resist, I'm going to reply to your post and say of course you shouldn't be called a terrible parent because your children are misbehaving, children SN or otherwise are not just blank slates waiting to have their personalities printed on them by their parents, they have their own temperaments and all children behave badly at times. I think AIBU can be a bit brutal at times though OP but I hope that the good outweighs the bad for you.

At the risk of starting a row I have to admit I don't think the 'tone' in raggeds post was particularly pleasant.

I have to my knowledge NT children but it doesn't mean I can't appreciate the difficulties faced by those who do not and Mumsnet has helped me not only see this but also to empathise so please DON'T "stick with your own kind" :)

I know damned well it wasn't pleasant. Due to knowledge of previous posts.

Well I guess people read tone differently and I can't speak for ragged but I didn't interpret her question about the SN board as a suggestion that the OP should limit her posting to there, if someone posts an issue about a difficult relationship it's often suggested that they'd get better support on the relationships board and if someone posts a dilemma about step parenting again it's a frequent suggestion that they may want to post on that board. AIBU can be a bit of a bun fight at times and I avoid posting anything I felt particularly vulnerable about on here but I think it's made all the better through posters with varied experiences contributing, I think I've learnt a lot about other people's perspectives and experiences from various threads.

"Why aren't parents of disabled children able to just come on here and have the social contact that is sorely lacking from RL?"

Well, because there's the whole range of people here from RL, along with the whole spectrum of attitudes. I can see why you feel the rage, but I agree with PP that there were lots of positive posts on that thread (about queueing in theme parks etc). That was only one person carelessly using the entitled word. Not bad going for AIBU!

There's a lot of enlightened liberal types on mumsnet, the prevailing attitude to the Daily Mail on here is just one example. But still, the DM is the most popular paper in the country, so we can't be under any illusions about the reality of people's (lack of) feelings. It's a fucker. YANBU to want your one day, but sadly the only way to work towards it IS by educating others.

I guess I should bugger off back to the SN boards to be with my own kind?

Of course not which is precisely what I'm saying.
Why should we be directed there and expect it to be the only place we'll be treated like human beings on here?
Why shouldn't we expect to be treated civilly all over the boards?

I have noticed while reading some of the above mentioned threads that some posters seem to take offence at everything and take every post as a personal attack. They refuse any kind of compromise or to think about anyone else's point of view, are rude to other posters and get nasty and then feel targeted and shit on when people aren't nice back. Its not helping the cause. My daughter needs round the clock care but I dont begrudge a mum struggling with tiny children the use of something that makes her life easier for a little while and wouldnt call her kids entitled brats or any other insults ive seen thrown at NT children and then expect empathy and respect from her in return. Its a two way street. I try to treat people how i would like to be treated, i find it gets better results.

Gosh, I know what you're talking about, OP, and it's not just parents of disabled children. I was the daughter of a disabled adult. My mother had a stroke (from which she recovered) and lived with us for a while and we had to wheel her everywhere in a wheelchair.

She wanted some trousers from that very cheap clothes shop so I wheeled her to the checkout with them. The cashier aimed all her remarks to me and I had to usher her attention towards my mother who was the customer. My mother handed over the cash and the cashier tried to give the change to me. I had to point again to my mother, the customer. I was at the time.

I hope this counts towards this thread.

Why shouldn't we expect to be treated civilly all over the boards?

We can live in hope OP.

Back to your one day, can we call it 'Don't be a twat Day'?

Or 'don't be a dick' a la Adam Hills

That's even better!

Children with additional needs or not (I have two who are grown up now), it takes very little to have a little bit of empathy.

I can completely understand why posters get annoyed with some others. If you have no knowledge of a subject, and aren't looking to get educated about it, why not stick to things you know, like how to be a prize twat?

Bishop. x