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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

.. to not like how I was "asked" ?

24 replies

AspieAndNT · 05/04/2015 09:36

Whilst on holiday last week I was taking photo's of my children in the swimming pool. This is allowed as it is part of an organised activity by the site.

A lady came up to me and quite aggressively told me that if there are any photo's of her children (she described them) that I have to delete them and not put them on any social media as they are under a Protective Court Order. I just uttered an Ok as DH and I were so taken back by her aggressive tone.

To make it completely clear I have absolutely NO ISSUES with ensuring her children are not in the photo's as their safety is paramount, but AIBU to be miffed at how I was "told" - no pleases, thank-you's, would you mind not.... etc etc.

This got me thinking though.... is she legally allowed to demand that and what happens during their day to day life of going to the park, days out etc? Surely she can't speak to every single person who may get them in shot.

I am just curious really.

OP posts:

straighttothepoint · 05/04/2015 09:38

If she is in a public place then she can't do anything about it.

TywysogesGymraeg · 05/04/2015 09:41

Agree. There is no law about taking photos of anyone. She should have asked politely.

TheoriginalLEM · 05/04/2015 09:44

i would be pissed off with the tone but consider that the woman might feel quite stressed about it.

PeachyPants · 05/04/2015 09:45

She may not legally be able to do anything about it but think about the kind of circumstances that could have led to her DC being subject to a protective court order and cut her some slack.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 05/04/2015 09:48

She's probably the kind of person who asks for ketchup aggressively.

Just a generally aggressive personality.

Ignore.

Original poster

AspieAndNT · 05/04/2015 09:49

TheoriginalLEM - totally agree that she probably was.

PeachyPants - ?? How did I not "cut her some slack"? I didn't get aggressive back or tell her to p#ss off, for exactly the reason of "cutting her slack" due to her circumstances.

OP posts:

TheWhiteRoad · 05/04/2015 09:54

Well yes she was rude and uncessarily aggressive. And she was wrong on the point of law if it was a public place (though I am surprised that the rules of the venue didnt stop you taking photos - all pools round here do).

But if her kids are under a protective court order I can see why she would be twitchy about the possibility of photos appearing online. The consequences could be huge for her and her kids.

MrsJuice · 05/04/2015 09:58

YANBU about the woman's tone, but I lost all sympathy when I saw your unreasonable apostrophes.
Sorry.

PeachyPants · 05/04/2015 10:00

I'm just suggesting that mentally you'd do better to cut her some slack rather than ruminating on the encounter to the extent where you started a MN thread.

PtolemysNeedle · 05/04/2015 10:02

Woman was rude, but if this is something that matters a great deal to her because it's stressful and distressing, then I think you should just forget about it. Have a little compassion and understand that she's probably wasn't being rude for the sake of being rude, her attitude has probably just come from a very difficult place.

scribblescrabble · 05/04/2015 10:03

I have a relative who has adopted a sibling group of 3 dc, their birth father is part of a renowned 'gang' and opposed the adoption, he has vowed to find them. She is so desperate to keep them off social media that she would probably come across as deranged and snappy too - she is in a bad place through no fault of her own.

It could be similar circs .... or she could just be a nobber ;)

mommy2ash · 05/04/2015 10:05

i would imagine if her kids are under a protective court order this lady and her family have been through a lot. as a general rule if i am taking pics of my dd or her friends i try not to get any other kids in the pic anyway. like the other day at a soft play place i took a few when there was no other kids in the play area but put my phone away as soon as more arrived, i saw other parents do the same.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 05/04/2015 10:05

She probably could've said it in a nicer time but there was nothing wrong with what she actually said

GlitzAndGigglesx · 05/04/2015 10:06

Nicer tone rather

duplodon · 05/04/2015 10:09

I agree with Peachy. Just imagine what brought her to this and how much stress she may be feeling.

As the trolls sing in Frozen, 'people make bad choices when they're mad or scared or stressed, but throw a little love their way, and you'll bring out their best'. Just send out some compassionate thoughts her way. It will soothe your ire, if nothing else. I would take a moment to feel grateful I have never had to have these considerations about photos or my children's safety.

howabout · 05/04/2015 10:10

I know it may be legal to take photos in public places but my social etiquette is not to take pictures of anyone without their permission. So from my point of view you were being rude to start with, but I may be very old fashioned.

duplodon · 05/04/2015 10:11

You could also be, lik, the twentieth person she had that conversation with that day...

RedToothBrush · 05/04/2015 10:15

If you have children under a protection order then I don't get why you would go and act aggressively towards a complete stranger.

If anything, it makes the behaviour worse as its in front of these vulnerable children.

shewept · 05/04/2015 10:17

If she has the order, then she is under stress. Which probably accounts for her attitude. You didn't snap back, you posted a thread about it. So you did cut her some slack.

But, and this is the problem with these orders, its almost impossible to stop the kids appearing on photos in public places. I have just been to London and there are people in the back of most of my photos. Its impossible to not get people in the shot. Some of those may not want to be on social media. Although to be honest, I tend not to post photos on social media where you can clearly see people who I don't know.

In February I ended up in the background of photos all over the media as I was in the street in London and a celebrity walked past to an event. I didn't even know there was an event going on. But you can see me in the background on the photos. Dh knew it was me as I called him and told him I had seen this celebrity and he recognised me in the back of photo. People who know me can tell its me. So I would assume that its almost impossible to stop, unless you don't go out.

I feel desperately sorry for family's that need these orders. I don't know what the answer is.

Bowlersarm · 05/04/2015 10:19

Maybe she thought if she wasn't a bit aggressive about it you might not take any notice?

I agree with you though, she's going to have a grim time if she's paranoid every time she leaves the house.

duplodon · 05/04/2015 10:19

Do you think she was genuinely aggressive or a bit short? It sounds like she was a bit irritated, not brandishing a baseball bat or throwing punches about.

I have to say I'd never take pics of other people's kids in a swimming pool, and try not to take pics of other's kids anyway.

shewept · 05/04/2015 10:23

And put it this way.....i was very unhappy about my face being on the Daily mail website......it made me feel a bit aggressive!

StayingSamVimesGirl · 05/04/2015 11:22

Maybe she went straight to DefCon1 because other times when she has asked people more politely, they have ignored her or told her that their right to take pictures of their children outweighs her need to keep her children safe.

I have seen several threads on here, along the lines of, 'The school/club/whatever have a 'No Photographs' rule - AIBU to think NO_ONE can tell me I^ can't I take pictures of my children doing X activity??!' - with people maintaining their 'right' to take photos of their children even when people have come and explained exactly why it can be so risky to have photos of some children doing a specific, named activity at a specific location.

SueD09 · 25/01/2019 11:43

I have half sister that was adopted in 1963.
It’s the usual story of the Irish culture.
We’ve been looking for her for years and I’ve approached one of those agencies but they want £1500!
Hoping Social media can help.
Her name is Catherine Rose, she was born 7th Feb 1963 and was adopted by a couple from Wolverhampton.
That’s pretty much all I know, her birth name was Devaney.

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