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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to make my 6 year old wipe his own bottom

25 replies

WetFishAndOnionRings · 05/04/2015 08:25

He can do it. He's been doing it for the last year, albeit reluctantly.
Almost every morning he sits on the toilet foran eternity, waiting for movement in the house and then shouts and whinges that he needs someone to wipe his bottom because he's scared. "Mummy, do it! Do it now!" over and over. He refuses to even try at this point.
He usually gets bored after about an hour and does it himself.
Sometimes if it's especially messy I do help.

AIBU to ask my 6 year old to wipe his own bottom?

OP posts:

afreshstartplease · 05/04/2015 08:26

Yanbu

How would he cope if he had to go at school

lacksdirection · 05/04/2015 08:26

He sits on the toilet for an hour waiting for you to wipe his bum?

BeeInYourBonnet · 05/04/2015 08:28

Yanbu! I stopped all involvement in DC2s toileting when he was 4, and he is a total PSB! Six is waaaay too old as long as there are no additional needs.

BeeInYourBonnet · 05/04/2015 08:29

Woah! I just read the hour thing. That's very strange. Have you delved into why it is such an issue for him?

waithorse · 05/04/2015 08:33

He sits on the toilet for an hour ?

SonnyJimBob · 05/04/2015 08:33

He's too old really, he needs to able to wipe his own bum without calling for help. Perhaps you need to have a little chat with him, and implement some kind of reward system if he does it himself.

hiccupgirl · 05/04/2015 08:39

Def sounds like a control issue or confidence issue rather than anything to do with wiping his bottom.

My DS (5) is similar. He is more than capable of wiping his bottom but would much rather I do it for him together with rubbing his tummy and helping him wash his hands. He copes fine at school just like I'm sure your DS does.

But my DS loves to be in charge and control things, it's just him. And first thing in the morning is not the best time to push him to do things himself as he's usually in a grump but later on in the day he's easier to get to do things like this without help. He also finds it difficult to believe that he can do things by himself - he will quite often say he didn't think he could do something after he's tried and found he can do it.

I don't know what the answer is tbh. If I push my DS to wipe his own bottom then there is an awful lot of screaming and stropping. I'd rather save the battles for more important things than bottom wiping and I can't imagine he'll want me to do it after 7 or 8 at the most.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 05/04/2015 08:41

Mine were reluctant to start with but once I bought them a pack of wet loo wipes, they were taken in by the novelty aspect of it and now nearly finish half a pack in one sitting!

Would something like this work for your son? Is it the squeamish aspect of it that he's reluctant to do or is he just plain lazy?! If he makes a mess then maybe wet wipes would be better to give a more thorough clean.

Original poster

WetFishAndOnionRings · 05/04/2015 08:42

Yes he does. He will sit there quietly until he thinks someone is awake, then sit and whine, declare to the house how he is really scared or that he needs help.
He says he's scared, but when I ask him what he is scared of, he won't say.
He does seem to have a thing about getting dirty, and making things dirty.

I've explained to him that if he does get anything anywhere, it can easily be washed off.

He says he doesn't poo at school.

OP posts:

bigfam · 05/04/2015 08:43

My 30 yo has been wiping her own bum for a few months, similarly my other two 5 & 6 have been doing it themselves for years, it's not really something I think about.

bigfam · 05/04/2015 08:44

Oops. I meant 3 yo!!!

Original poster

WetFishAndOnionRings · 05/04/2015 08:45

Wet wipes are a great idea, I will try buying some for him. Sometimes I can hear him gagging while wiping his bum.

My 4 year old has been happily wiping his own bottom for about 6 months.

OP posts:

LegArmpits · 05/04/2015 08:45

I love autocorrect.

toddlewaddleflipflop · 05/04/2015 08:45

Wet loo wipes have done the trick for us, too. Dd's pants aren't getting stained now either, so she's definitely finding them easier than loo roll.

bigfam · 05/04/2015 08:45

Bloody thing

Original poster

WetFishAndOnionRings · 05/04/2015 08:53

30yo

His pants are never stained, when he does wipe he will use half a loo roll wipe until it comes back clean. It's just actually doing it he freaks out over.

OP posts:

wheresthelight · 05/04/2015 08:55

I would speak to your GP or the school Nurse. it sounds more like there is some sort of psychological thing going on if he is also being funny about getting dirty. it could be absolutely nothing but I would at least get some professional advice.

bigfam · 05/04/2015 08:58

X my heart she's 3, I'm not even 30 yet! Lol

monkeysox · 05/04/2015 09:02

Mines the same. Can do own but would rather I did it.

Be careful with those wipes as they can block drains.

seaoflove · 05/04/2015 09:13

I was going to say he's probably just trying to control you, but now you say he actually gags when wiping his bottom, I've changed my mind. He's really distressed. For whatever reason, the sight of and having to deal with his own faeces is too much for him. I'd start helping him when he asks, and also start a discussion about poo and why it's not a big deal, etc.

Disgust is innate. We're programmed to be disgusted by things like faeces but obviously DS has gone a bit far. Agree GP and school nurse may be able to advise.

987flowers · 05/04/2015 09:23

I'll help my 6 yr old if she's 'done a sloppy poo poo!' but otherwise she's self sufficient. She was able to do it on her own before my eldest though but she's always done 'clean' poos whereas my older child has always been a bit more sloppy!

Tbh I'd take a different angle and start wiping and then wean him off it with little challenges as it seems to have become such a big thing now I'm not sure how you'll solve it.

Original poster

WetFishAndOnionRings · 05/04/2015 09:28

Thank you. I have been wondering for a while whether his issues over getting dirty are just a phase or something to worry about.
He used to go as far as demanding a complete change of clothing for a speck of water on his clothes when he was 3.. And as toddler he would sit in the bath with his hands up because he didn't want to get anything on his hands, and cry while walking on a sandy beach with his wellies on because it was sandy, so he has come a really long way.
This morning DH helped him.

Just to clarify, though - he doesn't sit on the toilet for an hour hysterically crying, I wouldn't do that to him.

OP posts:

Starlightbright1 · 05/04/2015 09:31

30 year old made me laugh too.

Can I suggest you get a press type air fresher if he doesn't like the smell..Tell him to press it before he wipes. I still use wet wipes with my DS. We have had some horrid henry ones i think they were from homebargains..

I would also look at doing a reward chart.

Icimoi · 05/04/2015 10:00

It sounds like he could have sensory issues. Perhaps get him assessed by an occupational therapist with expertise in sensory problems?

Original poster

WetFishAndOnionRings · 05/04/2015 10:47

icimoi my 4 year old is under OT for sensory processing disorder, other than the mess thing there are no red flags for me, but I will speak to the school nurse, if I ever manage to get hold of her....

OP posts:

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