To question if this person is REALLY a friend?

[eskimobiscuits]

I have a friend at work- we haven't known each other long (3/4 months) and I have to be honest and say I have been questioning if this person really is a friend or whether they are using me.

I'll give a bit of background: As I said we have known each other about 3/4 months. We hit it off straight away and I have been hopping between thinking I have a true friend and not- I should stress that this person does insist they are my friend and they are there for me. I should also say this person is my boss.

Anyway. Certain events have unfolded in work the past few weeks which has caused a bit of rocky ground. I'll socialise with this person in work and be friendly etc and they keep on insisting "we are friends, don't worry about anything" but it's difficult when they are being friendly towards people and then slagging them off behind their back. Very difficult. Especially when i'm spoken to in the same way as someone who is supposed to be a friend- iyswim? I understand you have to be polite to remain professional but it still causes doubt.

A few weeks ago I was going through a rough patch at home and I opened up to this friend who said they will support me. We are supposed to be friends but they never discuss anything personal, i'm treated exactly the same as people they don't like and they only seem to contact me when it's something that will affect them (like last week I was late for work, couldn't phone in as I was driving and I got a call "to see if I was OK")

Anyway today- this friend was talking to a friend from outside of work and said to her "you have to be careful what you discuss here" looking directly at me. Wtf. Why would I discuss someone elses business- especially when we are talking about someone WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY FUCKING FRIEND.

You keep saying 'they', OP - is this person who approaches you for hugs and after-hours socialising male or female?

Op one thing I've learned from my recent job, never make friends with people there. They're not your friends.

You also sound intense and very invested in this. I'd disengage as I can envisage possible future drama to do with work/boss.

Chats are ok but keep brief, go out fine. Hugs no way.

Pm me if you want more info on toxic work stuff!

But pp had a cany point, IS it a man? Is there an undercurrent of something here? Sounds v intense... Can you get another job?

Hugs from your boss is pretty odd in a professional (office type) workplace. In a theatre or a school or something perhaps less so.

Boss. Not friend.

Gosh no. This friendship isn't going to work in its current form.

Why are you spending your time questioning whether they are a true friend? What's wrong with having an acquaintance? A person doesn't have to be bosom buddy or enemy.

Oh wait wait wait - this isn't the huggy huggy boss from not-so-long-ago (but long enough that I can't remember exactly when) (as Pagwatch says, I'm ancient! ) - anyway - it's not that huggy boss is it?
If not - what ever happened about that one?
And why don't you want to reveal the gender of this boss?

If my boss hugged me I would probably die of shock as would he; and this is despite him being a proper, actual friend with my DH of about 30 odd years. This just sounds super weird.

I'm friends with my boss but only because we are brutally honest with each other. We tell it like it is and the boundaries don't get crossed. If she doesn't like a piece of work I've done she'll tell me, the next minute we are laughing about something different/irrelevant whilst I fix the work. I think it's a fine line between being friendly at work, and being actual friends. I am always professional at work with my boss but we talk/socialise outside of work too and are totally different with each other.

Have you spoken to/seen your boss/colleague outside of work any time?