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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dp wants his friend and dd and Mum and Dad to come down for the day on our holiday

20 replies

Mommypoppins · 04/04/2015 14:46

We are staying in a caravan for a few days and every year he invites them to come down for a the day and his friend and dd to stay overnight.

We will be going on a big holiday at the end of the year and I have said to his parents we are going alone so should I bend on this this with his parents and friends.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 04/04/2015 14:48

Bend?!

Depends if you think it will be nice to see them, or if you have other stuff planned.

Who gets to see whose parents and when shouldn't be a competition.

Original poster

Mommypoppins · 04/04/2015 14:55

It's not that they come down or stay every year when we go away, we never have time together I just wanted some family time alone for once without anyone, that's what I mean when I say bend.

So I'm saying should I just let them come for one day and say yes his friend and dd can stay one night.

OP posts:

SantanaLopez · 04/04/2015 14:56

It seems very churlish to say that they can't come for one day, but I presume there's a backstory.

PurpleSwift · 04/04/2015 14:58

Why wouldn't you? Why do you need to "bend", what's the problem? It's just one day and you're going on holiday later in the year too, I don't see the issue

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/04/2015 15:00

"I just wanted some family time alone for once without anyone"
That sounds as if family time alone is a rarity. What is 'the norm' - who is around and how often? And are they invited by DP or do they just turn up assuming it's OK?

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 04/04/2015 15:00

I'm a bit confused by the OP, are you talking about letting them come when you go to the caravan for a couple of days, or when you're on your big holiday at the end of the year?
Do you like spending time with them? Our IL's live in Spain and DH's from work always gets used up to go and visit them, so we haven't had any holiday time on our own as a family for nearly 3 years. So I get what you mean about wanting time to yourselves.

Original poster

Mommypoppins · 04/04/2015 15:09

Nothing is set in stone about another holiday yet, it would be for the caravan holiday they would come we have hardly any time together alone, we have not been on holiday together the two of us for 11 years, we have with the kids The last time alone we were in a kids so hotel so no room for anyone else to stay with us.

We can never go away at Christmas because we would be expected to stay with his parents, his parents wanted to come on a big holiday with us I said no it will be just us this year because we never have family time together.

Now this , it just seems every year we are expected to do things with his family, I love his family they are lovely but I feel like we can never be alone.

OP posts:

LadyGregory · 04/04/2015 15:16

Sharing a caravan is grim. Suggest they overnight somewhere else/bring a tent?

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 04/04/2015 15:18

If it's just for a day, I think yabu.

Dowser · 04/04/2015 15:18

If you get on well I would have them down.

You'll have other days alone/ as a family.

I don't get this family time thing. Don't you have time as a family at home.

But thatsme. If everyone gets on well, the whole street could come.

Dowser · 04/04/2015 15:20

Let them come....but stay overnight.

SaucyJack · 04/04/2015 15:27

Is your husband happy to spend all of your special occasions with his parents? Is the pressure to do so coming from him or them?

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 04/04/2015 15:35

So is this caravan holiday with or without the kids? Sorry just trying to work it out.

It does feel a bit much if his family are there for all hols (I am quite an antisocial person and a bit is fine but I need downtime with just DH and the kids IYSWIM).

FryOneFatManic · 04/04/2015 15:46

I admit I would not be happy in this situation. It's very nice to have time to do things as a family away from the home situation, and holidays away are for me/Dp/DCs only, I need the break away from everything at home.

I spend plenty of time with family at other times. But in this case, OP seems to be saying that her DP seems to be wanting to spend all the family's free time with the ILs, so they don't do stuff alone. Sounds like the holidays are all on his terms. Wouldn't be happy with that, myself.

Original poster

Mommypoppins · 04/04/2015 15:47

Im not sure who its coming from really Saucy whether its him or them ?

Whirlpool its going away with the kids, and I'm like you.

OP posts:

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 04/04/2015 15:54

Does DH know how you feel?

DH dad often comes for a night or 2 if we holiday in the UK. He stays in a separate place though. I do feel quite mean as I prefer it when it's just us, but OTOH I think well it's only a night or 2 and the kids like it and it's nice for him etc. Give and take, you know?

If I were to say to DH not this time eh let's do it just us he would be fine with that I think and find a way of explaining to his dad. What would your DH say?

It's tricky I guess because there's so much precedent for them coming, and you have the "big holiday" with just you guys coming up as well.

In all honesty I'd probably say well OK then this time but actually in future can we decide together who is going to be invited, rather than you just going off and doing it and assuming it'll be OK.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 04/04/2015 15:55

I mean he stayed in a separate place when we were in a caravan / apartment style scenario, rather then bunking in with us and sharing beds bathrooms living space etc! Not like we just had a room and made him go and stay in a separate hotel or something

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 04/04/2015 15:59

Obviously we spend time together as a family at home but it's not quite the same as being on holiday together.

Charlotte3333 · 04/04/2015 16:00

It sounds very much as though they don't give you any free time when it comes to holidays. I like my MIL, and the rest of our family. But when we go on holiday we go just us and the DC's, and it's not being rude to want to have time away without in-laws or anyone else turning up.

If you don't want it, be upfront and state how you feel. The worst thing to do in situations like this is to stay quiet, let them plan whatever they want and you end up resenting it/them and feeling peed off that your holiday hasn't been what you wanted it to be.

Original poster

Mommypoppins · 04/04/2015 16:17

Charlotte yes your right, thats how it is and how I feel.

I have had to say something but DP does not listen so they will come and that is that and I will have to go with it.

Whirl I think I will say to him fine this time but in future we will decide together and when we go away on the next big holiday we do it alone.

OP posts:

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