Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just ignore this?

24 replies

endofmay · 04/04/2015 14:08

I have a friend who I have known for years - we worked together in the mid-2000s.

I have given her a lot of help over the years in applying for jobs (she asks me, I don't instigate this) and have always been happy to do so. I did notice a good two years ago that she only really contacted me when she wanted a job application doing but we've been good friends for ages - weddings and significant birthday parties and so on so I ignored it.

Then my life went into freefall about a year ago. I heard nothing from her. As the months went by I decided I was sick of being used, had a facebook cull and heard nothing. She then re added me after I had a conversation with a mutual friend where I alluded to the fact I had felt used.

Anyway I haven't seen her since but we are on good terms when we speak which is rare.

Just had a message asking for help with a job app Hmm

Now, I wouldn't mind at all if we'd been in very regular contact and she often did me favours and helped but when I desperately needed friends she was nowhere - so I'm not helping on this one.

WIBU to ignore it? Or should I reply saying no and briefly say why? (I don't want an argument by the way.)

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 04/04/2015 14:12

Why does she need your help to do job applications? Is she not capable of doing it by herself? She sounds very odd.

bluebellforest · 04/04/2015 14:13

I think I would have to say no, tell her you are too busy if you don't want an argument.
I am very sorry she has treated you so badly, does she have no shame?

ImperialBlether · 04/04/2015 14:13

I would just ignore it. If she kept on asking, I'd say I was busy and wouldn't be able to help her. Tell her you're applying for a job yourself and need to spend all your time on your own application!

Original poster
endofmay · 04/04/2015 14:14

I don't think she realises. I thought that she did, but she doesn't.

Crinkle, she's been trying to change jobs for a while. Apparently I write well. :)

OP posts:
DamselNotInHerDress · 04/04/2015 14:30

How many job applications has this woman made and she still can't manage on her own? Easter Confused
Ignore. She sounds very self centred.

howabout · 04/04/2015 15:57

When your life was in free fall is it possible she feels you cut yourself off from her and any help she may have offered. Asking for help with a job application may just be her way of trying to reconnect.

VodkaJelly · 04/04/2015 16:04

Personally I would ignore her. Dont bother responding just ignore.

cosytoaster · 04/04/2015 16:06

YANBU -Ignore and if she persists tell her no and why, no need to be unpleasant but you shouldn't need to make excuses either

Kampeki · 04/04/2015 16:08

I'd be inclined to respond and say sorry, haven't got time to help but good luck with the application anyway.

itosh · 04/04/2015 16:12

I would ignore.. I had this similar.

Izzy24 · 04/04/2015 16:15

Do you miss her?

If the answer is 'not really', then yes- ignore.

TowerRavenSeven · 04/04/2015 16:15

YABU to ignore it...but you WNBU to just write a very short message along the lines of, "Sorry, I'm so busy right now that I couldn't possibly, but good luck with your search". I don't like to burn my bridges.

LuluJakey1 · 04/04/2015 16:16

I would just reply to say you won't be ale to help this time but hope the application goes well.

gamerchick · 04/04/2015 16:18

Just say no and good luck with it. Done and dusted and no room to hound and if she does then ignore.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 04/04/2015 16:19

I think odd is a bit of a naughty word to use, crinkle. She could be dyslexic or illiterate.

Chippednailvarnish · 04/04/2015 16:24

Bollocks to her. She isn't really a friend.

TwoOddSocks · 04/04/2015 16:43

I don't think YABU to either ignore it or send a brief message saying you aren't able to help with her job application. You have no responsibility to help, or to justify why you don't want to. I'd only ever ask a current friend or someone I'd done favours for in the past for this kind of help. Certainly not a friend who had just defriended me on Facebook and who I hadn't spoken to for months. She must know she's being cheeky.

Original poster
endofmay · 04/04/2015 16:45

Howabout I didn't distance myself.

Thanks. Still not sure how to approach.

OP posts:
nicecupofteaforme · 04/04/2015 16:46

Just ignore!

KillmeNow · 04/04/2015 17:56

Reply with a sorry I can't - be bright and breezy just as if she was a dear friend who had asked at a really ,really bad time for you.

From your OP description though she doesn't sound like a good friend .This is just someone you once worked with and have had very little contact with over the intervening years apart from normal social contacts and requests for help from her. No normal friendly give and take activities apparently.

If you never saw her again would you grieve for the loss of her as a friend or would you pass it off as another ship that passed in the night?

Whatever you answer to this question may help you compose the reply(or no reply) to her.

ChipDip · 04/04/2015 18:18

I agree she sounds odd. She can figure this out for herself, I would just ignore it.

maliaki · 04/04/2015 18:38

Ignore or or text back: Sorry I'm very busy with everything at the moment.

iammargesimpson · 04/04/2015 18:47

Agree with pp, just tell her you're busy. Surely she can manage this by herself??

straighttothepoint · 04/04/2015 18:55

Ignore her!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page