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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About swimming instructor

20 replies

Allinson2014 · 04/04/2015 13:17

I have two DS 6&4. They have both started swimming lessons, first one was last week. DS1 is doing fine, very confident and no problems. DS2 is more nervous but did ok until the instructor asked him to put his eyes in the water. DS2 had. a protest about this and said he was scared, the instructor basically walked up to him and pushed him under the water. Now DS2 doesn't want to go back this afternoon.

I'm slightly torn about whether I'm upset about this or not. My gut instinct is that it was his first lesson and likely to put him off for life if the instructor pushes him under and also please don't push my child stranger but then is it standard practice and I'm being to protective? Anyone with DC in swimming lessons can you advise please.

I am going to withdraw him from the lessons anyway I think as he's too frightened and can always learn at a later date. I was just wondering people's opinions on the instructor. Thanks.

OP posts:

Meloria · 04/04/2015 13:20

I really don't think that's standard! Mine were a bit scared and the instructor eased them in. They weren't group lessons though so more time for personal attention and a slow and steady approach.

Ludways · 04/04/2015 13:21

It's an approach that rarely works but does work for an occasional child. I'd look for someone who has more patience but is still firm.

Original poster

Allinson2014 · 04/04/2015 13:24

I didn't think it was the "done thing" really but then I don't know. Don't want to start complaining about it if it turns out its a common way to teach kids. However it isn't the right way to teach my child so I'm going to withdraw him. Thanks.

OP posts:

SevenEleven · 04/04/2015 13:29

We have had swimming lessons at various pools over the years and none of the instructors have ever pushed my child's heads under the water! I would be fuming if they did, especially if they were nervous in the first place and had already expressed this. The instructer was basically dismissing your child's feelings and I'm not surprised they dont want to go back in.

lalalonglegs · 04/04/2015 13:30

I spent hundreds, maybe thousands of pounds, on swimming lessons for my children with instructors who were, imo, way too gentle with them, taking it at their pace, making it all fun and games. Did any of them learn to swim with these instructors? In case you hadn't guessed, no. I then sent them to a swimming boot camp one Easter holiday, half an hour a day every day with a Brazilian woman who really wasn't there to help them enjoy themselves. Day 3, they could all swim. I'd say stick with this man.

Cherriesandapples · 04/04/2015 13:33

At the group lessons my DC's go to they use games like watering cans, gentle splashing, blowing bubbles, etc...

I think this swimming teacher is totally wrong and I wouldn't let my children near him.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 04/04/2015 13:37

My mum was a swimming teacher back in the 80s and says that even in those days that type of thing was outdated.

SevenEleven · 04/04/2015 13:37

Lalalonglegs, it not really the same thing, though, is it? Of course you want someone who actually gets them swimming nd not just playing in the water, but frightening a child on their first lesson by pushing my their head under the water is really not the way to do it.

BullshitS70 · 04/04/2015 13:42

I am a swimming teacher and no of course the teacher shouldn't have done this. As predicted, it would make your child terrified

JigsawsAreAllLittlePieces · 04/04/2015 13:42

It happened to me in 1979 and I am terrified of water and get very panicky if water goes near my face.

Definitely change teacher and complain about it.

MissJudithArabesque · 04/04/2015 22:09

How dreadful for your poor child - and for you. In my experience some instructors know about swimming but don't know a lot about how children learn, and are therefore rubbish teachers. Dunking a child is just shocking! Especially after the child has just explained they are scared.

We have had some abysmal teachers in the past. The one who decided to remove all the swimming aids one day, and then not see my non-swimmer child fall in and disappear under the water (3 times in one session, ffs!). The one who would say unhelpful things to terrified children like "What do you mean, you're scared? Of course you're not scared". The one who would get cross & sarcastic when a child refused to jump in (child stands ashamed at side of pool, head down & holding 'himself'). Life is too short for this misery!

I looked it all up on Mumsnet: many people suggested lessons at a swim club. We did this and haven't looked back. One of my dc is still a bit reluctant, but is working at a pace which is right for him, and he's building confidence all the time.

I would say to trust your instinct. I wish I had done so sooner, and not wasted a load of time, money & energy in seeing my child distressed every week.

Good luck!

SistersOfPercy · 04/04/2015 23:47

My swimming instructor in high school decided to push me as I was scared of jumping in. I hit the water, my nose bled and I never had a swimming lesson again.
I can just about swim if I can touch the floor, if I can't I panic and water on my face terrifies me all because some stupid woman pushed me way back in 1987.

So no OP I don't think YABU at all. My fears have stayed with me for life.

BackforGood · 04/04/2015 23:54

That is definitely not normal practice, nor good practice, and I would certainly report it to their line manager. I say that as someone who does not normally leap in with 'ltb' or 'report to OFSTED' at the slightest thing, but that really is an unacceptable thing to do.

Pico2 · 05/04/2015 00:03

We took DD to parent and toddler lessons. While we were still at the side of the pool after a lesson, we saw the instructor scream at a child, then pick him up and throw him into the water. He was about 8. I refused to take DD back to the lessons, even though the teacher was hardly going to do that to our DD. It was entirely the wrong thing to do and made me really doubt the teacher.

I wouldn't take your DS back to the lessons and be clear why.

Box5883284322679964228 · 05/04/2015 00:04

Get a refund. Explain what happened

specialmagiclady · 05/04/2015 00:04

I am shocked and appalled. I am a swimming teacher and I would only push a child under water if they completely trusted me already. If I have been working with them for a YEAR, showing them the techniques, checking they can control their breath, asking them to put their faces in, playing games where they might "accidentally" put their faces in etc etc and they still weren't voluntarily putting their faces in, I might give them a little push underwater. I have done in the past and it often works as a last resort with a child who is older than 4. As an opening gambit, though? Er... No.

The poster with the Brazilian teacher who just shoved the children under , all the fun and games stuff was not useless, as it paved the way for the hard core approach. You can't just go shoving people under water if they have no water confidence or breath control, for example. I have taught plenty of small children who literally don't know the difference between sucking and blowing. If you push a child under water and they actively inhale water you are endangering their health. All the mucking around and bubble blowing is vital preparatory work , just as looking at picture books is prep for reading.

Original poster

Allinson2014 · 05/04/2015 02:04

Thank you for all your posts. I took him back yesterday as he seemed to have had a change of heart and was looking forward to it. When we got there the instructor was off sick so it was someone else. He had a great lesson, until the very last minute.

At the end they're allowed to play and there's a small kids slide. The instructor had got out and was chatting to parents, my DS went down the slide, panicked and was in real trouble, he was flailing about and unable to get to his feet. His instructor had her back to him and didn't even notice. I ran to him and helped him out. He started crying, his instructor finally noticed and said "what you crying for it's only water".

I took him out and I will never ever take him back. I didn't expect to have to rescue my own child but thank god I was there. I'm awake now because I keep replaying what happened. I shall be going to the pool on Monday to withdraw him and also kick up a huge fuss. They have a duty of care to all the children but they absolutely failed my DS.

Thanks to all who replied.

OP posts:

DrEllieSattler · 05/04/2015 02:30

What is most important now Allinson I is how you deal with this with your son. He does NOT need to know that you were frightened. Or he may associate your fear with water. He does not need mollycoddling. Love him and hug him but don't scare him.

Absolutely complain. Ask the pool to review their CCTV with you to show the instructor what happened. Do not involve your DS in the process. You don't want to make swimming "scary"

In the mean time. Until you find an appropriate teacher for your children, take them swimming. Once a week. Get them comfortable and confident in the water. Get them playing and play with them, go under and leap out at them. Let them or encourage them to enjoy the water.

Hugs though. That sounds really frightening for you. Did any other parents see?

Original poster

Allinson2014 · 05/04/2015 02:40

Thank you. I don't let either of my DC know that I was upset by what happened as that won't do them any good either. They do go swimming with me weekly and DS2 does enjoy that.

I assumed the pool wouldn't be covered by cctv but if thats a possibility it would be really helpful. It was witness by all the other parents yes.

I'm certainly going to complain however my DC won't know about that. It's this company that are the problem not swimming in general and I do think its important for them to be confident in water even if they don't learn to swim. I've had a now and a word with myself so I'm going back to bed. Thanks again.

OP posts:

specialmagiclady · 05/04/2015 07:21

You should definitely complain! I second the advice about bringing your children swimming every week. I would also add that if you go to a pool where they can touch the bottom, you need to make sure that they are spending some time walking about without arm bands or flotation, learning to balance themselves and right themselves in the water. Make sure you are Right There and then if they fall down you can fish them out quickly and with a smile.
Ask around at the school gate for teacher recommendations and eventually get them in lessons with someone who has a bit of goddamn empathy!

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