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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

In thinking this decision isn't mine to make?

14 replies

letitpea · 04/04/2015 11:53

I am pregnant with my first child. Due summertime.

Parents have a holiday home abroad, they usually go easter, summer, autumn. Baby is due in the middle of their usual summer break.

OP posts:

ShellyF · 04/04/2015 11:55

I think that some of your post is missing.

Original poster

letitpea · 04/04/2015 11:57

Oops only half the post showed up....

Mum has said she wants to go a couple of weeks after baby is due, taking my sister and her children. Both mum and sis have said its up to me whether they go . They won't if I don't want them to, if I feel i will need them here.

I don't fecking know! Never had a baby before. I have DH, MIL (who I like!) and at least a couple of good friends to call on. I feel i can't win, if I say 'no its fine, go' DM will do her best 'hurt' look.

If I say 'don't go' I am not sure what they are expecting of me and a new baby?

OP posts:

Original poster

letitpea · 04/04/2015 12:00

The title should say 'in thinking this decision isn't mine to make'

OP posts:

catsrus · 04/04/2015 12:04

If you think your DM will do "her best hurt look" then it sounds like she would be hard work not a help to be honest - tell her to go! My MIL was a fantastic help for me, careful not to intrude but keen to do useful things like a load of washing.

Icimoi · 04/04/2015 12:05

Give them the facts about the other support available to you, tell them it's totally up to them.

enterthedragon · 04/04/2015 12:06

Put the ball back in their court, tell them you cannot make that decision for them it is up to them to decide whether to go or not, that way if they decide to stay you won't have anything to feel guilty about.

AlternativeTentacles · 04/04/2015 12:08

You can't win on this. Say you would rather them stay and you get the 'spoilsport' approach. Say they can go and you get the hurt look.

If they want to go a fortnight after you have a child then that's up to them. Just refuse to engage on the topic.

tobysmum77 · 04/04/2015 12:13

So just say, it's not up to me it's up to you.

Original poster

letitpea · 04/04/2015 12:16

Thanks for your responses. I really do feel that I can't win - DM does an excellent hurt/disappointed look. I am not sure what they expect of me in the weeks after having the child, yes of course they will visit and see the baby but I don't think I will want them there full time.

So it see.s a waste to not go.

I will tell them its up to them, i won't mind if they go and it will give MIL a bit of a look in.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 04/04/2015 12:23

Unless you've booked a caesarean you don't actually know when your baby will arrive anyway...

AlternativeTentacles · 04/04/2015 12:23

I would just say 'this isn't my decision to make'.

DoJo · 04/04/2015 19:21

If you're going to be 'wrong' whatever you say, then just go with 'I really don't give a flying fuck - go, don't go, just stop expecting me to organise your lives as well as growing a human!' and leave the chips to fall where they may!

Purplepoodle · 04/04/2015 19:36

Babies can be late that's the only thing they need to think about. But those first 2/3 weeks you won't really need them esp if u breastfeed as you end up spending most of the time sleeping and feeding the baby

Original poster

letitpea · 04/04/2015 21:44

I'm not expecting baby to arrive band on due date, esp as its already moved back by almost a fortnight.

I have told them its up to them and that I really don't mind although I think them going will be preferable

DM went a bit quiet. Ugh.

OP posts:

Flip