aibu to need discussion about day to day stuff?

[olivia8allthepies]

DH and I are still together but sometimes I feel we don't parent as a good unit. I feel that I discuss with him whether to go for a family day out, get a a new car etc but he tends to decide things without discussion with me. I often get the kids coming into the room with things like " yay! we're going on a trip on the train today" or " I'm getting a music system in my room" the aren't all massive ones but annoiyng. It's not like I would necessarily disagree to a train trip but it's a pain not being part of the arrangements. I let him know if one of the children will be at a friend's house but he wouldn't volunteer such information unless I was to ask. He also tends to undermine me. If i tell one of the kids off he'll say something to dilute it such as " sure she won't do it again, anyway let's go now." Brush off. is it me being a control freak here?

No it is him not participating in a fair relationship.

Yanbu, he clearly doesn't think you're in an equal relationship and deserving of respect. DH and I discuss everything, we wouldn't just go off and decide to do whatever we felt like without speaking first.

YANBU - that's annoying.

Big purchases such as cars should always be discussed. However, with things like the train trip, perhaps he likes being spontaneous, and surprise the whole family.

A bit different as I'm pretty sure its largely unconscious but my DP seems to go for minimum communication a lot of the time. If he's thought it through in his head and it makes sense he presents it to me as a decision made with no further consideration or discussion required. Mainly the little but important things like plans for the weekend or a purchase for the house. It does my head in, particularly the bit where I go "hang on, what about..." and he acts like I'm crazy or tries to present my new idea as his all along. Grr. Never undermines me in front of DC though, thats really not on.

the undermining in front of dc here is very subtle. it's done in a nice voice! the kids then seem to think i am cranky and not just giving fair discipline.

River am I bought my car without any discussion with DH and he done the same with me - you don't need to live in each others pockets and tell each other absolutely everything, we are both we adults who are capable of deciding what we want without running it past the other person.

OP with regards the telling off your DH does what we both do, we don't dwell on these things, better to move on and forget about jist if it's not serious.

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so brash. I think what I meant was that major decisions usually are discussed, but minor ones don't have to be. For us, a car is definite a discussion point, partly due to its cost ( and I know nothing about cars!)

I agree, you don't have to live in each other's pockets.

How is discussing family things 'living in each others' pockets'?

The OP's DH seems to want to be 'in charge' which is not the best way to run a family.