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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what, in your opinion, makes a "good mother"

63 replies

DaphneMoon1 · 04/04/2015 00:33

I was watching Jeremy Kyle the other day (I know, I know, IABU for that alone. It's a guilty mat leave pleasure...) and one of the guests made a comment along the lines of "I pride myself on being an amazing mother".

Dubious source aside, her comment got me thinking: what makes a good mother? I thought this probably means different things to different people. I would be really interested to hear your views.

For me, I think it's the ability to recognise that as much as you adore your child, he or she is not perfect and is perfectly capable of bad behaviour - maybe being mean or rude or disruptive at times - and taking appropriate action. Obviously there is more to it than just that, but I think it's important.

OP posts:

slightlyeggstained · 05/04/2015 21:17

Bit puzzled why extreme modesty is supposed to be a mark of a good mother. Unless "good mother" is code for 1950s style perfect selfless wifeanmum?

Breaking the "rule" that to be a Good Woman one must be ever modest and humble does not prevent someone from being an utterly kickass mother.

TBH, I am pleased if I hear friends saying that they are proud of some act of parenting - I want them to be able to be proud of doing well at something so important.

duplodon · 05/04/2015 21:30

That's a tad different to saying you're amazing as a mother, though? I still think saying you're good at 'it' makes it about learned skill and activities rather than the quality of the relationship.

mumsneedwine · 05/04/2015 21:41

As a mother who has managed to get 5 of them to teenager years and older - being a good mum means having patience, a sense of humour and v long arms for big hugs when needed.

Caoimhe1922 · 05/04/2015 21:43

Drinking gin. Other stuff too but mainly drinking gin.
I'm an amazing mother......

slightlyeggstained · 05/04/2015 21:44

TBH duplodon if I heard a mate saying "I am an amazing mum!" I'd just think yeah, good for you.

slightlyeggstained · 05/04/2015 21:51

Posted too soon. Meant to add that I don't assume that my friend must either be a closet narcissist or have deep self-esteem issues. I just assume they're happy and confident about their parenting, as they should be.

duplodon · 05/04/2015 21:54

I can't imagine anyone I know saying it, to be honest, so it never occurred to me to think of it in that context. I don't think I'd judge a friend but it just seems unlikely to be said seriously, like someon saying 'I'm just so beautiful' or 'I'm amazing in bed'... Like if you have to be telling people you think this about yourself in superlative terms, you probably don't believe it deep down.

slightlyeggstained · 05/04/2015 22:14

You don't know me from Adam, but I think I'm fucking awesome as a mother, which is a source of some surprise to me And as far as I can tell, I do believe it deep down.

(I will add the caveat that DS is only 2.5, so I may well be less awesome at the next bits, but so far it's good.)

duplodon · 05/04/2015 22:21

Would you say it to someone in real life, though? Without making light of it? Like, 'I'm just so delighted to realise how fucking awesome I am as a mother, I had no idea how amazing I'd be, but really, I truly rock at this'???

99pokerface · 05/04/2015 22:26

Firstly people who think them selves brilliant mothers are usually not

Knowing when to ask for help its not a weakness its a stength

Someones who is from but fair being your child best mate or a pushover dose not a good mother make

Also being selfness selfishness in a mother dosent re ally mix in my view

qazxc · 05/04/2015 22:26

Doing everything that will allow them to be fully functioning adults (physical, mental, social, intellectual, emotional, moral compass....) and love.

vestandknickers · 05/04/2015 22:30

Always doing your best for your children, being funny and quirky with them, showing them that it is fine to be different, celebrating their success, supporting them when they make mistakes, never being shocked and above all - always being there for them and putting them first.

slightlyeggstained · 05/04/2015 22:47

Duplodon - would I say it in real life? Well, I haven't yet, so I'm guessing not that likely. I received the full blast of "mustn't show off" female conditioning though, so I have to push myself consciously to point out things I am good at in other areas. (And am quite pleased to find out that the sky doesn't fall in when I do, either). So I am a fairly unlikely person for you to hear things from IRL.

OTOH, I would like to be a good role model for my DC - I don't think false modesty or constant self-deprecation is a good thing for them, so maybe I should try it. Possibly during the next big tantrum in a public place

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