To politely ask pil not to use their perfume / aftershave I our house?

[Thesouthbutt]

Pil arrived yesterday. As always they use an enormous amount of smelly stuff as soon no as they wake up. It's so strong that it goes through closed door and lingers even when al windows are open. I am mildly allergic. This means that when they are her and the house smells of whatever perfumes they are using, I have a runny nose and sneeze quite a lot. Also my throat feels itchy.

However, I would feel scared really petty to ask them not to use it. They are rather dominant people set in their ways and I think they would find it strange if asked not to do what they always do.

So mn jury, shall it ask them or not? don't think I could actually dare ask them.

Please ignore awful spelling, haven't had my second yet.

Hope you get the gist

As you're clearly allergic to at least one of their perfumes, I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask them not to spray them.

Actually it's pretty rude to use fragrances when you know your host is allergic. Question is, do they know?

Sending sympathy. I hate perfumes, aftershave, air 'fresheners' etc. It's horrible when someone brings an artificial smell into your home. If I were you, I might say something about your allergy & hope they're sympathetic. Fingers crossed, eh?!

Your DH can tell them (and he should). It's rude to do something in a host's house that makes your host miserable, and while you can't say anything yourself, your DH can.

Reminds me of my Dad's bizarre TCP phase. Urgh. He denies it completely now, and has moved on to a very expensive (but nice!) posh aftershave habit in recent years.

They rally are set in their ways though and will find it probably rude to be asked not to something that's so normal and innocent to them . Fil is your archetypical patriarch.

If you don't feel you can say something and your dh won't, your only real option is to take antihistamines when they visit.

I think you're right jane.

I love perfume but am allergic to a lot and would by no means find it offensive to be told someone objected to mine.

I'd suggest you DH mentions to them that you are allergic, asked him not to say anything but you are really struggling and could they leave it off when they visit. A normal person would stop at this point and probably massively apologise and say you should have said somthing earlier.

If they don't then you know for certain they are utter twats. It's likely they will stop but think you are pathetic weirdo - but sounds like thay might think that anyway so nevermid.

YWNBU. DH had the same problem with my mum's perfume so he asked me to have a word. I spoke to her and she was completely fine. She is a generally reasonable person though.

Can't you just say that something's irritating you're throats/eyes but you don't know what it is. It started when they arrived and you hope it stops soon as it makes you feel awful.

I am allergic to some perfumes too, if I knew someone wore one and was visiting, I would ask them politely if they could forego it simply because I hate needing steroids for allergic reactions. Mostly it's manageable with antihistamines, but sometimes not, so I wouldn't want to take that risk.

I have asked ILs to not buy a particular smelly soap - they were fine to 'indulge' me as they accept my 'eccentricities'.

OP I wonder if you can deflect the blame to a third party eg ' GP has advised us to stop using all perfumed products because of OP's rhinitis' 'we know its a pain but could you possibly, she has found it really helps, we're so pleased to have found the solution' ie assuming that as kind helpful people they will naturally be pleased to oblige?

The allergy makes it totally reasonable to ask, it's not personal but they're perfume is making you ill. If it was me I'd much rather you just asked rather than me making you sniffly for days.

That's great deedee, very diplomatic . I'll give that a try.