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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my friend wants me to look "ugly"

16 replies

glorymorning · 02/04/2015 22:35

She's constantly telling me to get my hair cut shoulder length short. The one and only time I did this I looked atrocious, it did nothing for me and it accentuated my round face and made it look chubby.

Some people can rock short hair .... I will never be one of those people.

I lost weight, I've always been a size 12. I went down to 11 stone and I'm 5 foot 6 - so hardly a walking skeleton.

She went on about how I looked looked ill at that weight and I suited being bigger.

This is coming from a person who used to brag at every opportunity about being a 7 stone.

OP posts:

Happy36 · 02/04/2015 22:37

Yes, she is jealous. If you value her friendship just ban all talk of physical appearances. She is probably insecure about hers so it will be mutually rewarding to avoid that topic of conversation.

redexpat · 02/04/2015 22:37

Sounds like she feels threatened.

WorraLiberty · 02/04/2015 22:38

Maybe - you know here better than us?

Either way, she sounds very critical. I hope you're close enough to be able to tell her to stick a sock in it?

Original poster

glorymorning · 02/04/2015 22:43

Every time we go out she always gets a lot of attention. She's obviously prettier or more confident than me (or more likely both)

So its odd to think she would see me as a threat?

OP posts:

foslady · 02/04/2015 22:45

Definitely sounds jealous - I'd reply every time she says something to suggest she does something that won't suit her either and go on and on....

atonofwashing · 03/04/2015 10:03

YANBU, but she is just jealous. It often makes people feel better when they think they look better than their friends.

Try not to worry about it. You can feel pleased for yourself. It takes effort to lose weight.

If you're going to remain friends, she will just have to deal with the new you.

championnibbler · 03/04/2015 10:22

Yes - she is jealous.

i had the same routine from a 'friend' who told me to cut my longish hair back into the pixie cut i had in my 20s.
i was 36 at this stage and waaaay too old to rock a pixie cut.
i had also lost some weight and she told me i was too thin.
this from someone who is the shape of a pipecleaner

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/04/2015 10:36

"She went on about how I looked looked ill at that weight and I suited being bigger.
This is coming from a person who used to brag at every opportunity about being a 7 stone"

"Every time we go out she always gets a lot of attention. She's obviously prettier or more confident than me (or more likely both)
So its odd to think she would see me as a threat?"

Yes, she feels threatened by you. She prizes her looks/weight, (maybe that's all she's got?) so doesn't fancy having any competition. More of a frenemy than a friend.

And I can't help that Snow White and the wicked Queen going 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall..' has sprung to mind . Telling you to cut your hair/put weight on is her poison apple, to get you out of the running .

Fauxlivia · 03/04/2015 10:39

Friends should have your best interests at heart and if you feel she doesn't, then you don't have a genuine friendship. Do you want to continue spending time with someone who tries to make you to feel bad about yourself.

Jackie0 · 03/04/2015 10:40

She isn't your friend.
Friends build each other up

prepperpig · 03/04/2015 10:44

She's definitely a frenemy. Schoolgirl behaviour. She feels threatened by you. Stick to your guns, do what you know is best. Lots of us look better with longer hair as we get older. Short hair is very unforgiving and is often aging (unless you're a stunning beauty with amazing bone structure).

littlejohnnydory · 03/04/2015 11:16

She may actually think these things suit you better but you don't have to agree! Can you just ask her nicely to give it a rest? Her reaction might tell you whether she means well or not.

BitchPeas · 03/04/2015 11:19

I had a friend like this. I answered everything with.....bored sigh 'yeah maybe' yawn. She soon got the hint. It's just insecurity, take it as a compliment

WeeMadArthur · 03/04/2015 11:21

I wouldn't dream of commenting on a friends appearance in a negative way, unless it was to point out loo roll tucked into their knickers or something like that. Maybe she likes you being around because she thinks she looks more fabulous in comparison, but she doesn't sound much like a friend to me.

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 03/04/2015 13:30

Gosh how wierd and what boring conversation anyway. .

You can do better than this moron op. Drop her she sounds daft. And incredibly rude.

ElevenTwelve · 03/04/2015 22:58

I have had a couple of friends like this in the past.

First friend would make little sly digs alluding to me being ugly.

Second friend was like your friend; lots of unasked-for suggestions for 'improvements' that I could make on my appearance. Plus lots of "oh you're brave" comments whenever I wore anything new. Oh and fake gushing about my appearance, in a really patronising way.

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