Or are cockroaches nothing much to worry about?

[judypoovey26]

I am currently visiting my parents who live abroad in a warm climate. They have always been messy, but relatively clean, but currently their house is a bit of a tip if I'm honest. Every available surface is crammed with clutter, trinkets, general stuff and their kitchen is grubby. I discreetly set about cleaning it after I was making a cup of tea and had two cockroaches fight me at the sugar bowl. As I cleaned further I must have disturbed their general equilibrium and now they are all over the place. In the toaster (!!) on walls - basically they are popping up everywhere. They make my skin crawl, and they are massive.

Here's the thing. I don't want to hurt my parents' feelings as there are many contributing factors to the state of things for them (need a whole other thread for that) but I am inclined to think cockroaches are partly caused by poor hygiene and not just warm weather. It's also a case of one step at a time with them, and cockroaches seem as good a place as any to start.

And I being anal or over-reacting? It just makes my stomach turn to see them and I don't feel that comfortable eating food prepared in this kitchen because short of emptying every single cupboard - of which there are many - I have no idea what other horrors lurk.

WIBU to insist my parents get in exterminators or should I just turn a blind eye and clean furiously when nobody's looking?

I lived in a house share in Australia and we had the odd sign of a cockroach in the kitchen during the day, didn't think anything much of it, thought it was just one rogue one. Got up in the night to go in the kitchen and the floor was COVERED in them. It was like a brown carpet, they were crawling over each other. All over the surfaces too. It was like something out of a horror film.

If you're seeing them in the day, god knows how many come out in the dark once you've all gone to bed. Perhaps get your parents to get up in the middle of the night and see what it's like?

I wouldn't recommend doing it yourself, you'll have nightmares. But I do recommend you getting out and booking a hotel for the rest of your stay.

OP how much longer have you got there?
If it was me- I would go to hotel too but I hate bugs of any kind :(

F me, I wish I hadn't read this thread. I want to be sick.

Burn the house down. It won't kill them but you'll feel better.

3 weeks ?? it's such a long story, I think my parents are depressed and overwhelmed, and are suffering from that laziness that is really inertia caused by just not knowing where to start.

I'd do it for them, and have indeed been cleaning non stop since I arrived but I can tell it's offending them. I've just kept out of that kitchen and stayed in my room.

My DSis is blithely making cakes on the work surface that was crawling earlier. SERIOUSLY.

I feel a bit low today. I can't believe I might fall out with my mum and dad (who I was really looking forward to seeing) over cockroaches.

Ach. It's more than just cockroaches I suppose, but it's weird to suddenly be parenting my parents.

Where are you? Can you get to a supermarket and buy RAID? Bloody marvellous stuff. Clean your bedroom, spray all the dark places (under bed, in wardrobes etc) with Raid then spray a line all round the room and door/window frames they won't come past the line and you can stop worrying about them in the night.

You can do the same in the kitchen, but it's a bigger job. Only do this if you can't get an exterminator in. You'd have to chuck out any open packets etc first (incl washing powder), and clean out all cupboards. Seal all pipe work holes. Then spray under all cupboards (that's most likely where the nest is) and be prepared for hundred of the bastards to come out and start running - leave the back door open but be ruthless. Wear a mask or scarf over your mouth. Again once you've got them all spray a line of raid around all the edges and inner lip of cupboards.

Thing is this needs doing probably fortnightly. Plus all food needs to be eaten in one place only (outside is best!) to stop them coming back in. Will your parents be bothered?

Your parents might just be stoically getting on with life, and feel that there is nothing they can do to really get rid of the roaches. As well as the roaches carrying very nasty diseases, the spray is surely toxic and should not be ingested. Take a look at the ingredients and google them, and talk to your parents about that. I know the fly spray my parents used to use was banned because of ingredients were linked with brain damage.

I couldn't stay there. I'd make them choise me and my DCs or the roaches and help them clear up to get ready for regular professional sprays.

Could dsis help you while DPs take out your ds for a while?

My house is spotless, and so is my place of business, but this last two weeks has seen the dreaded cockroach appear, not the big ones but the small ones known as American Cockroaches.

You dont have to have a mucky house to get them, its just a part of life in some parts of the world and all the moreso if you have a cesspit, but you are definitely a mucky bugger if you don't try to get rid of them and let them take over the house.

The DSis obviously doesn't much mind the critters!!
Ugh.

Sometimes when you spray, more come out because it is designed to attract them, so that they eat the spray and the poison in it kills them.

They will be worse at night.

Just be reassured that in a hot climate it isn't necessarily a sign of filth. That said, we get our house sprayed annually and only now see 2-3 dead ones, outside, every year.

Is it the big ones? No way could I stay there - they will be absolutely heaving at night when they are active.

You need to be extra clean in hot climates - no food out. We used to get someone round to spray every few months. No way could I live wth that - they are nasty fuckers.

It is different having cockroaches in a hot climate, and as the previous poster said , not necessarily an indicator of dirt . And they are different cockroaches: not the teeming masses of small ones you would get in an infestation in the UK.
However they do sound out of hand. I would get loads of plastic boxes and bags, sells everything up and give the kitchen a good clean. Then call in someone to spray professionally. Tell them you need to get this done because of DS.

Sympathies: we visit family in the sub tropics and I hate them. But all the households we visit manage their kitchens and houses in order to minimize them coming in.

I've been terribly phobic about cochroaches since I was a small child. I remember staying in a hotel in Earls Court and the screams from my mother when she found one on her bed made me think they must be A VERY SCARY THING.

Since then I watched a documentary about a council estate near where I live. In one episode there was a woman who's young child had to have a roach surgically removed from his ear as it had crawled in while he was asleep. This did nothing to allay my intense fear of the dawn things!

Fortunately, I've only ever seen them alive either abroad or in zoos. I really couldn't live with them. I think they multiply really fast don't they? And doesn't squishing them spread the eggs? Or is that an urban myth?

Definitely get the exterminator in!

Reading this I wondered if it was a sign of them being overwhelmed and depression. Someone has to take control of the situation as it simply is not normal, even without the cockroaches. Have they got a good gp they could speak to? And perhaps you refusing to stay will be a wake up call. DB and SIL lived like this. When I went to visit it took me 8 hours to clean just the kitchen it was so filthy and my DN was playing in it. Our parents staged an intervention and it's better now.

Cockroaches are grim, I found one in a whiskey box as a child which completely freaked me out. Leave and make a plan then would be my advice.

OP I totally share your revulsion but please don't let it get you down/panic you too much, as people and cockroaches clearly can coexist, your dPs are still there!. Obviouly it would be much better if there were fewer but sounds like a symptom of the wider problems, not sure moving out wd help. Antibacteral handwash, repeatedly, wash plates, spoons etc just before use, v careful with all food.

Should your parents be living somewhere smaller?

Good lord. Time to hide this thread.

OP, all of you need to get out of the house. Pay someone to clean and de-bug

I had them in my apartment when I lived in LA but it was because my neighbour next door was a really skanky bloke whose house was filthy. They didn't hang around in my place because there was nothing to eat. I think you're going to have to risk upsetting your parents. I wouldn't eat food or drink that had had roaches crawling over it or that had been covered in roach killer

deedee33 you have hit the nail exactly on the head. This house is enormous. It was fine when there was more than just the two of them, but it's ridiculous now, they only use three rooms most of the time. All the others are curtained with cobwebs, my mother insists on covering any furniture with awful lacey cloths that literally just suck dust onto them. Back story - they need to downsize, financially and physically. My dad puts it off and insists that they can't put it on the market until such and such is done. They have borrowed against the house - not much (if my mother is telling the truth) and they should have tons left over to buy something nice plus an investment property and live comfortably. As it is, my DM says they can't afford a professional pest control person. I offered to pay and they got very cross with me. They are the masters of procrastination and after almost a decade of their moaning about money (they always have even though they are better off than anybody else they know) I am starting to lose patience. It's making me angry. If you try to help they get angry, but how many more years can this go on?

Their hygiene isn't being improved by not using a dishwasher, and now that it's broken (which is amazing, because they never really used it in the first place) they say they haven't money to buy a new one. But when they had a modest inheritance last year what did they do? Waste it on rubbish (holidays with their neighbours that they like showing off to) but not attend to the state of their home or precarious financial position. I discussed helping them out with my DH, but we are nervous because I think it might be throwing good money after bad. I don't want to overstep the mark, but I love them and want to help them, and it's been an epic effort to bite my tongue. The cockroaches are just the straw that's breaking my camel's back I guess.

On a good note, I notice that they have finally chucked away the old kettle that the cockroaches took a bath in and got the new one I bought them for Christmas out. I'm waging a war of passive aggression while going on the net to find a holiday rental nearby. I could decamp to another relative's house but then it really would snub them so should I leave the house I think it's best to go somewhere neutral. My Dsis (slightly mad, A WHOLE OTHER THREAD) is wandering around the house crying, because I have rocked the boat apparently.

Argh. I can't divorce my family, can I? I keep skyping DH and insisting he show me my lovely clean kitchen at home. I mean, it's not like a sterile lab, but you can actually see that we have a worktop!!

Nothing wrong with rocking the boat in situations like these OP it takes a brave person to do so. It's just whether it will be listened to. Decide how much you will tolerate but I would personally draw the line at an environment that was unsafe for dcs and take the relationship from there. Hope you find a nice holiday rental today.

Oh dear, hang in there JudyP. They are adults and you can't tell them how to live in their own home. This is a bit like arguing with stroppy adult teenagers, isn't it? At least you really can abandon them unlike a stroppy 14yo who won't listen to reason.

The roaches are grim but won't get you ill, I would bet. I would think about other things that could be done to help them get ready to move, like helping them to declutter or talking up how much nicer it would be to live in a freshly decorated flat in a luxury building (with communal arrangements for things like pest control!) You could start browsing on the Net at properties near you & offer to go look with them to give them an objective opinion. Or find a worthy local charity that would like some of their old junk stuff.

does your Sister live there full time??

You're doing the right thing if they get upset just tell them you aren't judging but that you obviously love and care for their health and would like to help them if they let you.

Iv been to spain a few times and stayed with family, I would see the occasional cocktoach but not as you describe.
Their problem was very very tiny ants and they have a clean home.

I couldnt stay in yhe conditions that you are in, horrible.

We've lived in two different African countries, where cockroaches are common. It was hard to get rid of them from the flat we lived in in the first country. Our neighbours didn't care, so when we got rid of them they just came back again.

You really need to to keep every food item sealed. Tupperware style boxes, and those clippy things for anything which is in a strong plastic bag. Don't leave dishes undone too long. They are definitely worse at night.

We have had very few issues with them where we now live, though they are rife in the country. The best way to get rid of them is using a kind of poison that doesn't kill them instantly. They go back to the nest, die and are then eaten by other cockroaches who then also die and so on. Where we live is a developing country and this method is available there. My husband also saw the same stuff on eBay once (sold from the Czech Republic) I think. Honestly, while we have used Raid from time to time for mosquitoes, I don't see the point if you have lots of cockroaches. You'll really need to tackle them in a way which goes for the nest.

I think you would be justified in going home!

Ach its hard isn't it? Assume your dps are probably in denial about it all. My df and dpils were always at least one step behind the changes/moves they really needed ro make - but I expect we'll be the same.

You can certainly suggest they downsize and say how much fun (!) you could have househunting what they could do (however frivolous) with the spare cash, etc but in the end you probably value the relationship more, so you can't make them! But they'll have to accept you are a hygeine freak, or phobic about roaches, in return!

If it gives you any hope, my mil is vv stubborn and has often listed all the reasons she can't do the sensible thing dh suggests, then lo and behold two years later she has a really good idea - the same thing of course. We try to keep straight faces and say 'oh! What a good idea!'

I've lived in a cockroach infested house, symptom of a greedy landlord who wouldn't get the place professionally sprayed. They're grim.

My DSIL arranges for her house to be sprayed once a year (I think). They have to go out for the day while it is being done.