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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To run away with partner and £600 in the bank, at 22 weeks pregnant?

25 replies

CortexiphanChild · 02/04/2015 17:12

Because I no longer feel safe in my hometown?

Am I being ridiculous even entertaining the idea?

Could we find a way? Run now and sort everything else when we get there? Wherever there is...

I know people often do so with less, often in worse situations. But my home area is about to become somewhere I don't feel safe and I have a child on the way.

Could I look into a loan to help us along maybe?

I don't even know where to start, it's only last year I moved out of living with my parents.

Sorry if you can't make much sense of this, but if anyone has any advice it's appreciated.

(I am aware how desperate this post sounds, but as that is how I am feeling, I'll leave it as is)

Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
shewept · 02/04/2015 17:15

Well, its difficult to say. As you obviously don't want to share why? But if you don't feel safe, have you called the police?

Pyjamasandwine · 02/04/2015 17:15

If you leave it as it is and don't share any more info no one will be able to advise you.

WorraLiberty · 02/04/2015 17:15

You'll need more than £600 to rent somewhere to live

Would you both be leaving your jobs too?

crimsonh · 02/04/2015 17:16

Who doesn't feel safe?
Both of you? Or just you?

LIZS · 02/04/2015 17:17

It would be very hard to disappear completely . If you have family connections and use social media it wouldn't be that tricky to track you down . What is making you fear so much?

CrystalCove · 02/04/2015 17:19

Run away from what though? We can't run away from our thoughts and feelings...

beginnerrunner · 02/04/2015 17:25

Hard to say without knowing why you don't feel safe.

MrsFlannel · 02/04/2015 17:26

Two of you won't be able to claim a lot of help. You'd possibly get emergency accommodation but again...possibly not as there's a housing crisis.

Original poster
CortexiphanChild · 02/04/2015 17:27

Sorry for being so vague.

The police are no use.

I was victim of a very violent and serious sexual assault 2 years ago. The offender is to be released from prison in July (close to my due date,)

I had to make a decision whether or not to agree to a No Contact order. I decided not to, he would not be punished for trying to contact me however if I decided to agree to it, he would be given a piece of paper with my name on it. As it is unknown whether he already knows my name or not it seemed the lesser of 2 evils from what is one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I didn't feel safe either way, but the tiniest amount safer with what I chose.

After making this decision, I was later told that, although he isn't originally from an area very close to me, the halfway house he is likely to go to and the address he has put forward to live afterwards are in a town 5-10 minutes public transport from where I now live and a town I frequently visit for shopping, both essential and fun and other things. It is essentially my local town centre, and it is small.

Not only could he contact me with no consequence, now I have the fear of him being so close to where I've been trying to build myself a life again. I was so happy with the way it was going very in love and excited for our family.

OP posts:
LittleBairn · 02/04/2015 17:27

If you feel unsafe and need to be somewhere else then of course look into moving but it needs to be planned or you could end up homeless.

Original poster
CortexiphanChild · 02/04/2015 17:29

Dp works but I am still not classed as fit for work due to PTSD, depression, anxiety and now, being pregnant I doubt I'd be hired anywhere anyway.

I know it sounds stupid and it isn't enough money but I don't know about emergency help etc and if I'd even be entitled to anything.

I feel so let down.

OP posts:
StaircaseAtTheUniversity · 02/04/2015 17:31

Is the threat real or perceived if you see what I mean? Like, is it psychological unpleasantness you want to get away from or is it an actual physical threat?

Flossyfloof · 02/04/2015 17:31

Was it a random assault? Did it happen in the place you live now?

LittleBairn · 02/04/2015 17:31

Would he have not found out your name during the court case?
Where you given any proper guidance when given this choice, I'm surprised you weren't urged to get a no contact order.

I can see why you are desperate to move. Do you and your DP have jobs r transferable skills that are in demand in another region?

MyArksNotReady · 02/04/2015 17:31

I think you should plan to move. I think it was wise not to let him have your name.

stardusty5 · 02/04/2015 17:39

I can see why you would want to move but i definitely think that you should plan for a little longer if you can. This personhas affected you very deeply already physically and emotionally. It would be awful for you to be left financially struggling as well.

Does the person know the area you live in and would he be likely to recognise you in the street?

Cherriesandapples · 02/04/2015 17:40

Is it an honour thing? If you are in fear of your life then yes, flee but try to get a plan if you have time to make one. Take care.

Icimoi · 02/04/2015 17:44

Contact Victim Support.

Original poster
CortexiphanChild · 02/04/2015 17:46

Victim Support are where all this information has come from.

OP posts:
elbowsdontsing2 · 02/04/2015 17:47

are you in council accomadation if so go and see them, explain the situation take proof if youve got any and see if they can help you out.

Original poster
CortexiphanChild · 02/04/2015 17:49

I had a very long post written out and it has disappeared, I'm sorry.

Basically I feel everything has been geared towards giving the offender the best possible chance of life afterwards. I feel very unsupported and like his release team get to dictate and make everything easy for him.

Meanwhile, I had a 2 day deadline and no guidance on the no contact decision and have been suggested that perhaps I could "try to visit the town less frequently".

Like I am the one who needs to be limited and penalised.

I am very angry at the whole system at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
CortexiphanChild · 02/04/2015 17:52

I'm in private rented at the moment.

I don't think we would have time to save up, find accommodation etc before release day.

I just wish they could accommodate me and where I wish to reside rather than him.

OP posts:
MyArksNotReady · 02/04/2015 17:53

The system in general is unfair and crap.

Next time don't agree to short term box ticker professionals timescales. They didn't make reasonable adjustments or give you a reasonable time nor support to make an informed decision. They like this nonsense talk.Hmm use their terms back at them and say you want to reconsider due to their failure to give adequate victim support.

elbowsdontsing2 · 02/04/2015 18:01

go to the council anyway and explain your situation, they might be able to help or at least give you some advice or phone numbers of organisations that could help. youve got nothing to lose by asking

Primaryteach87 · 02/04/2015 18:08

I think you can appeal regarding this to the parole board and where he is allowed to go. Try contacting womens aid (I know it's not DA) and see if they have any names of solicitors who do pro-Bono work.

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