AIBU to think that single people are seen as the enemy?

[Lavenderice]

So not a TAAT but there are some responses on here to a couple of threads that have made me question how single people are perceived on here.

In response to a debate about an OP's husband being invited to a wedding without her a lot of people think that when a couple get married they should honour the marriage of their guests by inviting their DH/DW even if they don't know them, suggesting that this honour should only be bestowed on people who are actually married. In fact the phrase "no ringy, no bringy" was used.

In another in which the OP was worried about her DH having a single female friend people were astonished that this had been allowed and somebody said. "Single women knowingly go after married men all of the time".

Both of these have made me a tad furious. What do other people think, do we see single people as less worthy/a threat?

Thanks!!

It all just seems so pathetic. Why should we judge people on their marital status? Why does a single woman pose more threat to a marriage than a married women? It's almost as bad as the naive and ridiculous view that all single people are desperate for a relationship - when maybe they have had a bad one and can recognise trouble in others?

If you dp/dh has form for that sort of behaviour then yes single women are a high risk factor.
although I guess if dh has form then any woman is a risk factor.

Erm, no the risk factor here is the 'D'H, not any woman, married, single, or whatever.

Until I had DS I was fairly used to hanging out with people who were mainly single, poly, casually dating or whatever, and it was fine. Once I had DS and started having to mix with more mainstream people, I struggled a bit. I have suspected, on and off, over the past few years, that newer acquaintances have been less keen to socialise with me purely because I am happily single rather than safely owned by a man.

solid I think people see me as sine mum and it reminds them that it could happen to them so they stay away while on a relationship

Two of my best mates are men. Or maybe I should say were men. Because each has got married, and the expectation on them was to drop any single female friends. And I sure as hell wasn't going to do anything to jeopardise their marriages: better I lose my friend than they piss off their wife. But it does seem a rotten shame to have to lose good friendships because of a ludicrous assumption that all single women must be evil men-hunting rapacious destroyers of marriage. As far as I'm concerned, if a man is in a longterm relationship, he's off limits. And the assumption otherwise is an insult both to me, and to the man: heaven forvend that people should trust their partner.

Ah, well.

Yabu. Some people (fools) may think single people are inferior to married people but most people don't care whether anyone other than themselves is married.

Nocool - a lot of people see fewer of their social circle once married / in a long term relationship than before. You end up wanting to spend a lot of time with your partner and you have your friends plus their friends to see. It is inevitable that you won't keep in contact with ALL your old friends. Maybe they are just busy with their wives and families. Unless they have actually told you their wives don't trust them to be near you because you are so hard to resist I wouldn't jump to conclusions.

When I got married I invited friends' partners if they lived together, rather than if they were married.
Would also have no problem with DH having a single woman as a friend - I don't see why there should be an assumption that there's more of a risk?
However I do think there is an element of discrimination against single people. A friend of mine organised a meal out and when I asked why a single mutual friend wasn't there she said she'd only invited couples, which I thought was really mean. (Two years later when she found herself unexpectedly single I reminded her about this.)

My dh had an affair with a married woman, it's not the singles you need to watch out for!

Lol, that was said sarcastically, although the affair bit was true. This was all 8 years ago, we've moved on and believe it or not, dh is still allowed female friends and I don't get all paranoid. I have single friends and married friends, it's not them I need to trust, it's dh!

I have never come across this is real life. in the examples you gave I don't think they show single people as the enemy either. I don't see what the wedding one has to do with it. weddings boil down to numbers and costs everyone draws their line differently.

the other one well it's true there are some single women who go after married men. there are also single women who have platonic friendships with married men but on the most part the friendships would have preceded the marriage or the Friendships have proper boundaries. I'm single and I wouldn't go on a night out alone with someones husband that's plain weird

London is perhaps better as there are so many different types of people here. I don't find it a problem - (am divorced) but then I had my chilren about 15 years before my contemporaries and always worked full time and was married for 19 years almost 20 so we never really had all that couples with friends having babies at the same time kind of stuff.

I do get irritated when married women with adulterous husbands blame the female lover more than their cannot do no wrong husband who presumably was forced at gun point to pull down his pants (whereas it is the husband who is the one committing adultery unless the other woman is also married too). Mind you they are both wrong of course. I avoid married men.