Neighbour problems! Should I knock on door?!

[ihatelego]

Hi Just wondering what to do.. part of me is feeling reckless today, ballsy (for me) and wondering if i should knock on NDN's door to ask if they want to come to the park with me and DS... we get on quite well

BUT the other night we had problems with their new sound system (again) from half 9 it was coming through the walls as this awful bass vibration with sporadic banging noise.. kind of like an earthquake or someone trying to knock down your wall! we waited til 10 and went to bed, tried to go to sleep but it kept waking us up/stopping sleep so my DP sent a fb message.. no reply, he sent a 2nd message, understandably (i think) with a bit of a pee'd off tone. I think he used the phrases, a joke, taking the piss, etc. and then trying to get to sleep again a series of massive bangs wakes us up this is about 11pm now so he gets up and knocks.

This didn't go down very well apparently NDN's dp was reasonable but NDN interjected and started swearing saying he was being rude/who did he think he was, shut the door in his face and sent an angry message/blocked him on fb.

Nothing has happened in the day since.. i want to talk to her as apparently she said it was just the last bit of their film and i want to say look it was pretty bad we wouldnt have had a problem otherwise! but i'm not sure if i should just leave it.. the last thing i want is a confrontation or the door shut in mine and DS's face!

I'd leave it a while

I think I'd leave it. They don't sound particularly considerate people and if she's shouting and swearing in your DP's face, is she really someone you want to cultivate a friendship with?

Don't be rude, just smile and wave when you see them. And if it happens often, phone your council.

we're good friends though, we often chat and have cups of tea and things.. i don't know what got into her that night as we've been neighbours for years and never had a problem! guess i should take your advice and play it safe.

Why did your DH send two FB messages before going round? They live next door.

As tedious as it was, I'd had pulled on a t-shirt and jogging bottoms and knocked on their door from the beginning.

You can convey tone better like that and seeing a tired person on the doorstep makes anyone but the most cunty person feel sheepish. Arsey texts, emails and notes might be understandable but they escalate matters and cause resentment and truculence.

The weirdest thing is when they're sent by people who say 'I hate confrontation so I sent a text.'

That is the surest way to a confrontation that I can think of.

My neighbours disturbed me with a banging new sound system. They didn't realise until DH turned up to calmly complain in his dressing gown and slippers.

They moved it about two inches away from the wall rather than bang up against it and we never had another cross word.

It never occurred to me to ask my neighbours if they're on facebook

I would leave it until you've spoken to her. Maybe arrange to 'bump into her' when you know she'll be leaving the house.

It's possible that what got her back up was your DH's attitude, if she's normally a nice reasonable person.

I'm not saying it was btw, but it's a possibility if he was wound up.

If it happens again, for goodness sake tell him to forget facebook and go and knock before he gets too wound up.

i did tell him to go round from the start but we left it til bedtime hoping it would stop and tried to go to sleep, when it continued going round was the last resort for him as he didn't want to get dressed again and go outside as he gets up very early.. i did tell him not to be rude but he's not the most patient person!

*sorry I probably sound like a right lazy mare! My excuse is I'm 37 weeks pregnant and wouldn't generally make the effort of getting suitably dressed/shoes on and leaving the house that time of night unless it was life or death/labour situation.. i probably should have gone round

You don't sound lazy. Though the appearance of a vastly pregnant woman on my doorstep asking me to turn it down would have definitely shamed me .

I think that under the circumstances, it was a job for your DH. I've no idea of the encounter but maybe he didn't handle it that well.

Calm face-to-face encounters are the way to go in these kind of situations.

If you want to make contact then knock on her door. Don't apologise, just explain your position. If she slams the door in your face, so what?