Letters from beyond the grave.

[WasabiPeace]

Are these a thing?

My grandad died recently and left a letter in his will to be distributed to all his children, it basically outlined how disappointed he was with everyone and how let down he was his whole life, with lots of personal digs and insults. Horrible stuff. He apparently wrote it ten years ago and amended and added to it every year.

A couple of my friends have said they've also experienced similar from dearly (!) departed relatives.

It's a whole new level of 'having the last word' but is it quite common? Would you do it, to say your piece after you've gone.

Aibu to think it's an awful thing to do?

Gosh, this has left me speechless. I guess nasty bitter, spiteful people are still all of those things despite being dead.

I'd be tempted to go to the funeral and laugh about it and say 'Good old granddad.... playing to type' and then celebrating a new and happy chapter.

I hope so much it does not hurt your mum even further..... the issue is his, not hers. What an arsehole. My DM had a rubbish upbringing and she always thought the death of her parents would liberate her. But she then succumbed to guilt for feeling like that, sadly.

hugs to you all. Hope you are all okay.

I honestly cannot imagine ever wanting to do this, neither can I imagine other family members wanting to do it....hopefully.

I always thought that when the end came you would want to make peace with people, say your sorry's and make amends where necessary.

As someone mentioned the best thing to do would be to tear the letters up and put them in the bin......however if I was ever unlucky enough to receive one of these letters I'm not sure my curious nature would let me.

It's like the Jeremy Kyle show from beyond the grave.

i hope he prepaid for his funeral if not i would personally shove him in a cheap pine box shove him in the crematoria and scatter him by the sewer works (i would flush him but thats not nice to our sewerage system)

How horrible, I thought this was going to be a heartbreaking thread about writing letters to children when you know you are terminally ill.

That just sounds vindictive.

Utterly ghastly thing to do, I hope I'd be able to dismiss it as the work of a bitter old nutter.

(If I leave a letter it will be full of apologies for my various failings? )

Your poor mother. If he did this at his death - as one last way of inflicting damage - what must he have been like to grow up with as a father - when he had al the control, time and proximity he needed?
At least it's clear to everyone what a malicious bastard he was. No nonsense about being 'lovely underneath the rough exterior' nonsense.
I think IvyKaty made a brilliant suggestion: regarding this as a new chapter is the way to go. And I really agree with the poster who suggested attending the funeral with a view of turning it into a celebration of that new beginning was wise.
He sounds difficult at the very least. Abusive, even. A letter like thst is about control: the last lashings out of someone who feels control slipping from him. And he could only envision control as an ability to hurt.
A lesson to us all, really, in how NOT to live our lives, and how not to die.
I feel very, very sorry for your mother. It must have been horrible having this person as her father. I hope she gets a chance, now, to heal from any damage he caused for/to her.

And I feel sorry for you, too, mdmeGuillotine. We all deserve to be cared for when we are vulnerable. I feel so privileged being able to care for and love my children, and the children I am trusted to look after professionally. I am lucky to do this. I am appalled when I hear of adults who betray this privilege.

Who is paying for his funeral ?
Is his wife still alive?
If so, did she get a letter ?
Remember if he was pointing the finger at you three fingers were pointing back at him !!!!

When I'm gone I hope people will remember me fondly but get on with life and thrive.
?
A letter like that would just make everyone glad he's dead!

I can see that over the years bitterness can become so entrenched that is multiplies out of control and consumes you.
What an appalling way to live
I want to be serene and forgiving when I am older, time to start laying down good habits, not holding onto resentments, not judging and accepting others as they are.
Was he religious? ?

After my nan died my dad and his brother found a letter with her insurance documents. It was written to her sons,their wives and children. It is the most beautiful letter - telling us what a good life she had had and telling us to always love and care for each other.
Photocopies were made of it and we all have one. I treasure it.

or you could leave his remains for the government to deal with do they have a potters field type thing in england?

seriously he had issues you dealt with him when he was alive you do not now he is dead burn the letter move on

could you have a ceremonial burning of the letters with a few kind words about how you all remember granddad when he was younger and not so "damaged" by bitterness and age. None of you will then ever be tempted to read them again and it binds the living family together.

I agree try and remember him before he was poisoned ?

Wow, I was just thinking "awww how sweet" until I read what he wrote, no I've never heard of this at all.