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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would move?

64 replies

Underthedeepblueocean · 01/04/2015 20:48

I own a property about 30 minutes drive - in the same county but north of it - from my home.

My current home is a farmhouse with a lot of land and I am tentatively thinking of letting it out. This would bring in a substantial amount of money: useful as I am a single parent now.

What I'm worried about moving wise are the following:

Smaller house. It has 3 bedrooms which is obviously more than adequate but my younger two would have to share and DS would have a box room.

Obviously move of schools.

Further from town and events (am very isolated now, moving would make this worse. I'd be twenty minutes at least from the nearest large-ish town.)

Would have to find stables for my horses although shouldn't be too hard but an added expense.

However children would be nearer their dad as he plans to move a good two hours away from where we are now. And maybe a fresh start would be good?

Any thoughts? I am very undecided and the letting agent is coming tomorrow.

OP posts:
Barbarella · 01/04/2015 22:38

If it's additional income you want is there another way of getting that?
Can you rent a field? Rent a room mon - Friday? Rent out some land?

It sounds as if you'd be better off where you are in all ways except the income so I think IIWY ID stay put and find some other way to cut costs or increase income

Original poster
Underthedeepblueocean · 01/04/2015 22:40

Well, where we live is rural but I suppose this village is closer to the town - less than ten minutes in a car - while the other is twenty/twenty five.

Then there is the garden which honestly is HARD work whilst pregnant!

OP posts:
Barbarella · 01/04/2015 22:41

Could you just leave the garden for a while? Who cares?

Original poster
Underthedeepblueocean · 01/04/2015 22:43

Not really. I mean, it would get so overgrown as to be unmanageable. It's not just a garden - there's acres of land surrounding the house!

OP posts:
Hassled · 01/04/2015 22:49

I think the fact you're asking the question probably demonstrates that you think it makes sense. Smaller house, less land, and have I understood right in thinking in a town, just not the larger town where current schools/network are, as opposed to current rural location?

If you're on your own and pregnant with small DCs then just do whatever will make life easier now, not long-term. Think short-term.

Original poster
Underthedeepblueocean · 01/04/2015 22:50

It's mainly the ponies that are a headache, lovely as they are!

OP posts:
honeyroar · 01/04/2015 23:01

Could you loan the ponies out for a while perhaps?

If I were you I'd try and sell both, and buy a smaller property on the edge of a reasonable sized village with a smaller amount of land that you could cope better with. You could also buy a bigger second property to rent out if you wanted. Reduce your outgoings on the property you live in and increase your rent without massive changes?

Original poster
Underthedeepblueocean · 01/04/2015 23:05

I definitely don't want to sell and plus I can't given the divorce hasn't gone through yet.

Am not sure what you mean by increase the rent - sorry.

I don't think I could loan the ponies. They are Welsh ponies and very attached to each other by now and I'd hate for them to be separated.

OP posts:
TinLizzie · 01/04/2015 23:11

I did exactly this. We had a 6 bed farmhouse and whilst it was lovely when my stepdaughters were younger because they had so much space and could have friends round (and we wouldn't even know they were there!), it became too much when OH started working away during the week and they weren't around so much.

We had a small 2 bed terrace rental that we'd just bought with no intention of ever living in it. However, seemed silly to have just me rattling around in the farmhouse, so we moved into the 'little house'! It was certainly a challenge and I'm still selling off furniture and things, but we manage and we're all getting used to less space - not to mention saving loads of money!

Do it. Change is difficult at first, but as long as there's some benefit somewhere, the change is easier to bear and somehow you always fit to the space.

TinLizzie · 01/04/2015 23:13

Caveat: it's hard getting used to hearing neighbours!!

Original poster
Underthedeepblueocean · 01/04/2015 23:14

I can well imagine, especially as I'll have a one year old and newborn so I imagine they probably will want me to move back!

There is the option of moving back 'home' if I/we really hate it I suppose.

OP posts:
honeyroar · 01/04/2015 23:18

I just meant that at the moment you have the option of living in the big house and letting the smaller one out (earning less rent) or letting your current property out and living in the too small one. If you swopped the big house for a more manageable one (where outgoings should be smaller too) and the smaller property for a slightly bigger property (that you could rent out for more than the current small one) you may be in a better situation without so much compromising. But if you want to keep your current house, fair enough.

littlejohnnydory · 01/04/2015 23:27

I'd stay where you are if you can afford it and work on building a social network for yourself and dc. Do you drive?

maddening · 01/04/2015 23:27

I would move to wherever I had the most support - have you thought about closer to your home town?

If the reason that you were where you were was your stbxh and he is moving away then imo that releases you from any obligation to stay there nor to move closer to the other parent - base your move on what would make you happy - you obviously want something different to this particular smaller house - the things that are negative about it seems to be the location rather than the size of the smaller house and less land is a bonus - so yes it makes sense that if with your dc and impending single parent role to find somewhere more manageable - but you also want somewhere where there is support, friends, family, nice community, close by amenities, good schools and nurseries, maybe on the edge of a town close to livery facilities - so look for that imo the idea is good but this isn't the particular move for you

Original poster
Underthedeepblueocean · 01/04/2015 23:29

I don't have any support no matter where I live so that isn't a consideration really.

I do drive, yes.

OP posts:
Annabannbobanna · 01/04/2015 23:29

Neither property sounds good. I would do as a pp suggested and rent a less isolated, more manageable property.

Original poster
Underthedeepblueocean · 01/04/2015 23:30

Sorry posted too soon: the house we live in is actually the one I grew up in. It belonged to my parents.

STBXH moved here for me as I wanted it so now we've split he (understandably) wants to go back to HIS home town.

OP posts:
maddening · 01/04/2015 23:31

And why go from a home you love to somewhere you have no connection which is a further compromise in favour of stbxh

maddening · 01/04/2015 23:32

Sorry cross post

Original poster
Underthedeepblueocean · 01/04/2015 23:33

Maddening - I suppose primarily for financial reasons but also for manageable reasons (the gardens) - husband will still be over an hour away.

Also I must admit the size of the house will play a factor in DH just 'stopping over' when he sees the children which I obviously don't want to encourage.

OP posts:
Ratfinkandbobo · 01/04/2015 23:41

I think the extra income would seal the deal for me, especially as you will be a single parent, is exh paying maintance?

Original poster
Underthedeepblueocean · 01/04/2015 23:42

He is, yes :)

OP posts:
Ratfinkandbobo · 01/04/2015 23:47

It will be more cost effective in a smaller house, and no big garden and land to worry about. What do you want to do?

Original poster
Underthedeepblueocean · 01/04/2015 23:49

Just what's best for the children, honestly, that's all.

DS is 8, DD1 is 1 in a couple of weeks and DD2 is due in July.

OP posts:
Ratfinkandbobo · 01/04/2015 23:52

Have you asked 8 year old what he would like to happen?

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