To want to ban all perfect-postnatal-mum shite that is banded around as 'normal'

[squishinglittlefatcheeks]

Just been on the postnatal forum. There are so many women (everywhere not just on MN) who are suffering from postnatal issues - pnd, injuries, exhaustion not to mention feeling crap about how they look now, and expecting of themselves that they should be feeling totally wonderful despite having a newborn and going through one of the most life-changing events ever.

I wish I could make them all see that they are all doing just fine and they are perfectly normal.

And I wish this constant subliminal messaging we get of how perfect motherhood is and we should all be totally 100% on top of the world (plus have the body of a 19-year old) and we should be gliding through life ever so serenely because having a baby is just so perfect, you know.

I know there are people who do have a great time with it. But there are plenty of people who don't. And I wish that the less-than-perfect bits of motherhood could be talked about more openly in RL and not left a dirty secret that women have to punish themselves for. Because even if you don't feel perfect after having children - it doesn't mean you're a bad mum

I think it is talked about VERY openly......certainly doesn't come across as a dirty secret IMO.

I think now we all have the internet, these things are talked about frequently.

Far from a dirty little secret imo.

Also think it's far, far from a dirty secret. Talked about plenty ime!

Maybe on MN. But it's certainly not a popular topic in other media. And pre-pregnancy I had no idea of any of it really and it seems many people fall into that same category

YABU purely because there's shitloads of information out there now. Because of t'interweb and the like, there's blogs for everything/every kind of mother, tons of baby forum places where you can reassure yourself that you're normal.

Yes, there are still DailyEvilFail sidebars of shame to battle, but it's wrong to say that the less-than-perfect bits aren't talked about. People don't shut about them, thank God.

Whether you want to flaunt your perfect mother skills, or feel okay that you feel/look like shit, it's not hard to find like-minded people.

That's my experience anyway.

I know what you mean OP. Nothing can REALLY prepare you for the isolation you might feel. I live away from my family and that made it hard.

I think I knew some of it but couldn't really grasp how difficult it vouch.d be until I was actually in it...no one can really describe the weirdness of having stitches in your fanj and cabbage down your bra

thank god for mn I found out the blood loss constipation etc was all normal thanks to this site!

Yabu for wanting to ban it and for bring so scornful of those of us who haven't struggled much

katienana would your doctor/HV/midwife not have known that?

There's two sides to everything really OP and nowadays I feel we really do see the two sides.

If you somehow 'banned' the tons of women who don't particularly struggle, from talking about it...surely there would be nothing but negativity and that would probably scare the living shite out of new parents?

26Point has made a valid point (sorry) in that there WILL be those who breeze through but so what..... their experiences are not any less relevant because of that. Why should they be made to feel bad and their experiences 'banned' form the public domain because they are not having a shit time?

26 I'm not scornful of people who haven't struggled so much. If you haven't struggled however, then perhaps it's difficult to understand just how much perfect-mum stuff there is in media and how much pressure this can put on someone who is having a hard time

Ok ok so I shouldn't have written 'ban'.

Perhaps what I really mean is for it to me more evenly represented - the good and the bad - in everyday life, so that even non parents have some idea of what it can be like

The media sanitise and present a 'perfect' version of most if not all aspects of human life... it is not just reserved for motherhood. I should be sobbing because I can't get my whites sparkling as per the adverts but I don't because I know that the media/advertising etc is not really representative of reality.

YABU. There's information out there for everyone, whatever your experience, whatever you might be feeling.

Postnatally, I struggled very badly with bfing and needed support with that. I didn't find it at all a "dirty little secret", and it was easy to find help.

But I also "got my body back" (hate that phrase!) quickly, with hard work, and also wanted reassurance and advice on getting back to competitive running after childbirth.

Should info on exercise for postnatal women be banned because it's "too perfect"? No. Because running with a new born was my reality, even if it wasn't the reality of others.

TBH I'm glad that I didn't know about all of the bad stuff before having mine. Life with kids can be hard/shit/relentless etc and most if not all parents are aware of that. Non-parents will not have a clue and won't until they have kids of their own. Nothing can prepare you for that, certainly not the media. That's just the way it is.

Yabu, that's the beauty of choice though isn't it? You can choose what suits you and ignore what doesn't. It really doesn't help to be bitter over something you have choice over. With the internet you will come across something you don't agree on with almost every topic, should those opinions of others be banned too?

Why do non parents need to understand or whatever?

It's something we go through, but changes all the time, and quickly. Yeah, I had all the horrible stuff happen,but it's mostly temporary. Before you know it you've moved on to something else

As far as I can see it IS evenly represented?

Lots of valid points. But I guess I disagree - it's not fairly represented and I think it would be helpful to have a more balanced view of what you are going into when you embark on parenthood. And 26 I definitely wouldn't agree that you move on to other things so quickly. Maybe that's my personal experience. Maybe when it's many years from now I'll say the same thing
Anyway it's interesting to read other opinions guess I won't get that 'ban' after all

Well you do move on.... One minute it's stress over latching on, sort that out/switch feeding method and it's on to the next issue. Before you know it you are school uniform shopping!

Perhaps you read/view different media to some of us OP?

It looks like it worra

I genuinely had a very 'picture perfect' idea of motherhood - thought it would be picnics in the park with a newborn etc. I literally did not have any clue that BF can be hard or that pnd is so common or that your body changes so much. all the leaflets and baby adverts are very cute and fluffy. But then again I didn't have any kids around me growing up or have any friends or family with kids as an adult either.

YANBU OP from my perspective! I had no idea that the 'you might bleed for 6 weeks...it'll get lighter' could actually mean bleeding for 12 weeks. Or that bf could be quite so painful.
It genuinely didn't occur to me that it would help my nipples to sit around with my baps out air-drying til 12 weeks in. If this stuff is obvious because Internet then I missed it.

Depends how much media you take notice of I guess?

It was a well intentioned post, OP.
Is it more the celeb thing you're talking about rather than your pals?
I felt really quite desperate and inadequate when it seems Model A or Actress B squeezed out at kid with no more pain relief than some positive thoughts then was on the Victoria's Secret cat walk 45 mins later, while effortlessly establishing breast feeding. Especially seeing as I had one nipple pretty much hanging off and my body was potato shaped for 18 months or so.