AIBU? Choosing between two dates.

[LippyPongstockings]

Name changer here.

I met someone I like very much whilst on holiday in a different country (let's call him A). However, given that we live in different countries, we were happy to consider it a casual encounter, but agreed to meet up again if he travelled over to here/vice versa (at the time, possible but unlikely).

I also met someone here in this country who I've been on a couple of dates with (let's call him B). I'm not interested in having a relationship with him (he is older and has a tendency to express sexist views ... but I'm still attracted to him - I know, there's no accounting for taste(!)), but was happy to see him on a casual basis. We haven't actually slept together yet. I set a date where we could spend the night together, and he's booked a hotel.

It now turns out that A will be here for one night only - and, yes, you've guessed it - the same night I have arranged to see B.

If I'm honest, I would much rather spend the night with A - he is closer to my age, not sexist, and we have a laugh together in a way that I simply cannot/don't interact with B.

I know it would be rude to cancel on B. However, I don't know when I might get to see A again, and my head and heart (and libido ...) are very much leaning towards cancelling on B to spend the night with A instead.

And before you ask, I would happily foot any late cancellation costs B might incur with the hotel. I am also perfectly happy with casual encounters and am not actively seeking a relationship.

So, WIBU to see A instead of B?

See A, without a doubt. You'll just resent B all night anyway.

Go with A! No doubt about it! If you go with B you'll probably be thinking about that fleeting moment you could have had with A as candles says. And quite frankly the hotel costs are not your problem.

Go with A and perhaps find a more suitable casual acquaintance than B.

See A

You sound so lukewarm about B that it's perhaps best to end things irrespective of A.

And also perhaps it's time to start hunting for C?

Yes see A. It sounds like B is a bit of an arse anyway

But I agree with the pp who said time to find a C! And maybe a D just in case. And maybe an E just to be sure

Definitely dump B either way. Otherwise, you could drift on like this for months/years doing neither of you any favours.

B sounds like a prick, but back in my young free and single days some of my best ons were with guys I didn't really like that much.

I'd choose A, and ask B to reschedule for the following week and keep looking for C, D E and f

Thanks to you all for putting a smile on my face

However, I do feel a bit guilty about how I have put B across - we may not see eye to eye on certain feminist issues, but I enjoy our sparring, and he is otherwise perfectly charming and interesting company. Having said that, you are right - the way I feel about him is lukewarm compared to how I feel about A.

Plus, I've slept with A and it was nothing short of amazing! I suspect B may prove not so great in comparison ...

As for C, D, E at al, I'm certainly trying my best to locate them! It's funny how difficult it is to find someone you are attracted to who is on the same wavelength as you, doesn't live miles away and is happy being seen on a casual basis (I find it amusing when people claim that men differ from women in that latter respect - I've certainly not found it to be the case!)

A - no question.

Don't feel guilty, under no circumstances should you feel compelled to spend the night with someone when you'd rather be doing someone something else. You don't owe him a shag just because you said you were going to, you're entitled to change your mind for any reason. Also he sounds like a knob.

Tell B that something unavoidable has come up, delay the meeting for a week. Go for A first, B a week later. Enjoy!

Thanks for your kind, funny words (and lack of judgement!)

Decision made, and A it is! Now, let's just hope karma doesn't come back to bite me in the bum!

A without a doubt!!

YANBU

Def A

See A, B sounds like a fun fuck buddy more then a fun date.

A first, then B!

Aridane, I hope you don't mean on the same night!

Thanks to all for the unanimous votes!

B initially sounded annoyed (understandably so, as I would have if I was in his shoes) but he was very nice about it and was happy to try for another time.

I'm meant to be seeing A tonight - so excited that I've barely been able to sleep all night!

Ha ha - no. Was being logistical here - ie A on the 'booked' night as he is rarely in the UK, and B on another night as he is based in the UK!! Which is what you're doing anyway!

Hope you manage with two nights of barely sleeping

Hopefully not too much sleeping tonight either :)

A. And dump B. If A doesn't work out you'll still find someone better than B.

So, saw A in the end. Went out for dinner at a place I've wanted to try for ages, stayed at an old favourite hotel, breakfast in bed the following morning and a shopping trip later in the day. No, not going into details about what happened amidst those activities - suffice to say, I had an amazing time So glad that I decided to see him, and it's thanks to you all for pushing me in the right direction.

I'm also considering whether it's worth continuing to see B. I think I've realised over the past couple of days that, although I do like him, I'm probably seeing him because I'm too lazy to muster up the effort to find someone else (I hope that doesn't make me sound cruel and uncaring - it's just the way I feel).

I shall use my newly energised self to start locating C, D, E et al

Thanks again!

Yay, I do love an update. Glad you had a great time. x

seeing someone due to laziness isn't a crime. I tend to think you quite like B myself.