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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to send ds to extra reading before school

129 replies

Psipsina · 01/04/2015 13:47

We've been 'selected' apparently for ds to attend a special reading club before school three times a week, before school. He will be reading to some older children (he is 7).

The club starts at 8.30. We normally struggle to get to school for the usual time (8.40-45) with a short car journey and a car/clothing/breakfast resistant toddler.

Apart from this ds2 is a brilliant reader and well ahead of the stage he 'ought' to be on (apparently). He can read pretty much anything fluently and understand most of it too.

I'm not boasting but I just feel slightly cross that they are suggesting it is really important he attends special extra reading sessions, which would be difficult for me, and now I feel bad that I'm not 'supporting his needs'. Or that I shall be seen as not supporting them.

If we lived within walking distance it wouldn't be so bad but it is a 40 minute walk each way and trying to get everyone out on time is a nightmare.

AIBU to say no, thank you?

OP posts:
CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 01/04/2015 15:04

Just fill in the reading record! DS didn't "read to me" after yr 1 as he was free reading and wasn't getting much out of sitting reading a book out loud for 10 mins - he'd read for hours each night if we let him. But there was a book to fill in and comment on what he was reading so I did that - maybe two/three times a week rather than every day. His teacher was happy with that and I'm sure yours would be too

Though I don't understand why getting up 15 mins early is a deal breaker

Mistigri · 01/04/2015 15:09

Who would anyone get up 15 mins earlier for extra reading sessions for a child who's already an excellent reader? ~ genuinely puzzled ~

In any case if you did feel like getting him up 15 mins early his time would probably better spent in bed with a book at home.

A polite "no thanks" is the only response than this sort of nonsense merits.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 01/04/2015 15:19

I completely understand and I don't tangibly of should feel guilty.

But

My DTs are y2 and have had this offered - they have loved it and are always keen to go (we wuss out sometimes getting them in early Wink).

They love it because school is quiet, they feel special and there are only 5 or 6 of them in the classroom - it's a chance to be in the classroom in a completely different way. Their understanding of text has improved noticeably (one of them read 'sophisticated' from cold the other day), and also I think most importantly their confidence. Not sure what you DCs school does but it's mostly phonics games with ours
But don't feel bad, I have 4 DCs and sometimes it just doesn't work out. I have a chances spend half an hour with DS1 on his own before school though - is this useful?

Girlwhowearsglasses · 01/04/2015 15:20

'I don't think' not 'I don't tangibly of' Hmm

SuburbanRhonda · 01/04/2015 15:28

Why not just say no thanks.

It's clearly not something you feel able to commit to, even if it were to benefit him. It would probably be worse for him to keep missing sessions than not to go at all, especially if he really enjoyed it.

Fairenuff · 01/04/2015 15:36

Why do you say that the TA hates you? Confused

sashh · 01/04/2015 15:40

Isn't the latest thing that children who read to someone do better? The school are probably just trying to ensure he reads to someone 3 times a week.

Icimoi · 01/04/2015 15:53

He often reads me things he sees. But sitting with him and timing it with his school book is a faff when I have other priorities.

In the nicest possible way, is it maybe time to rethink your priorities just a tiny bit? Sometimes your child's education is more important than, e.g., the ironing, particularly when it would take you only a few seconds to write down what he has been reading. You refer to his spelling needing more attention, but children learn to spell as much by reading as anything else - they get to know what does and doesn't look right.

WorraLiberty · 01/04/2015 16:13

Worra-it seems so difficult. Like keeping a food diary or something, mine would be like 'got up...pringles...three digestive biscuits, cup of tea...bite of apple...half a sandwich, cake, more cake

it would just confuse everyone. We are a household of bits and pieces. Nothing is regulated except who ate all the chocolate.

"Read to page 4" Confused

It's only as difficult as you want to make it.

DamsonInDistress · 01/04/2015 16:16

I had a similar issue over recording ds1's reading. He too was a free reader who would read for hours a day voluntarily, who did read aloud to us daily, but many many times I just forgot to record it. The teacher eventful mentioned it to me by intimating that I'd have to see the head teacher if it carried on! Pathetic! But there is an element of playing the game regardless of what you think about the 'rules'. Once a week just initial the book for every day's space and have done with it. You've got to engage a little bit so just make it as painless as possible. As others have said, schools can only go on what they can record, so just give them something.

TheRealMaryMillington · 01/04/2015 16:32

Recording the OP DS's reading isn't going to make a blind bit of different to anyone's education. The act of reading is.

Like the OP I don't have time or patience for that. However, my elder two read for hours every night, and sometimes I read to them or they read to me. I read to/with/for my reception age DS every night for min 20 minutes, longer if we feel like it. They love books (though not the boring reading scheme ones). I have told their teachers I won't be doing the reading diary and they are totally fine with that. I'm sure it would be nice to have for their endless and miserable record-keeping.

Molichite · 01/04/2015 16:35

I think you need to clarify just how brilliant his reading is, with his teacher, and find out if the extra sessions are to address what they think is a lack of reading at home, or to catch him up with where he should be in terms of their assessments.

Apart from anything else, you need to know why he's gone down 3 levels.

Original poster
Psipsina · 01/04/2015 16:37

Icimoi - I think it is fair to say that the school is well able to surmise that my priorities do not include ironing Grin

Thank you for all your posts, it has given me a lot to think about and I am grateful for the support.

Ds1 and I worked it out in the car just now, that it isn't actually 15 minutes, it would be more like half an hour as we wouldn't be able to go in the usual entrance at that time, therefore we'd have to arrive at about 8.15 so we could find a parking space and walk to the office entrance to drop him off.

That's what I was thinking when I said it would be easier if we were within walking distance.

I do wish that they would just trust us that he is reading enough. Having to write 'ds read half a recipe to me' and then the next day 'read five pages of a baby book to ds3 plus half the Argos catalogue' feels like hard work. Plus they have already agreed we can read once a week instead of 4x.

Anyway, useful thread, thank you again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Psipsina · 01/04/2015 16:40

Moli, I did ask about the levels - it wasn't that he had dropped in his ability, it was that he was started on stage 12, sent to get 'any book he liked' a few times by various people inc his teacher, as he was clearly coping with the books, and then the TA got funny about it and insisted he return to stage. So we had a chat about it (me and teacher) via the contact book.

I remember trudging through hthe staged books at that age and it actually put me off reading for life, they were so bloody dull. I'd hate that to happen to him.

OP posts:
redskybynight · 01/04/2015 16:47

Maybe get DS to record what he has read in his book? This has the double effect of saving you the job (just sign it at end of week) and also allows him to demonstrate handwriting, spelling and ability to write "this book was boring". By Year 3, my DC had worked out that the only way I was writing in their diary was if they did all the legwork and just handed me a pen :)

Imnotbeingyourbestfriendanymor · 01/04/2015 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointythings · 01/04/2015 17:07

To be honest, I'd just be fictionalising the reading record. I did with both of mine - they were voracious readers, if I'd logged everything they read, they'd have needed a new log every 3 weeks or so. Fake it until you make it, your DS sounds like a good reader and more importantly, one who enjoys reading. It isn't fair that you should have to feed the school data like this, but these are unfortunately the times we live in...

Fairenuff · 01/04/2015 17:26

Having to write 'ds read half a recipe to me' and then the next day 'read five pages of a baby book to ds3 plus half the Argos catalogue' feels like hard work.

You don't have to record that type of reading OP and you know it. You need to listen to your child read for about twenty minutes each night and record it in the diary.

It really is not that hard. You are just making excuses because you don't want to hear him read every day. Be honest.

This is why the school are trying to put an intervention in place. At my school they always try to find time for those children who don't read at home, regardless of their levels.

partialderivative · 01/04/2015 17:34

From OP She hates me

So much so that s/he wants to come in early to work with your child?

PaddingtonBlair · 01/04/2015 17:40

"Plus they have already agreed we can read once a week instead of 4x."

^
^
This is the crucial point. I too have agreed that parents need only read once or twice a week if they tell me that's all they can manage but it means the child then goes on to my "extra reading list" and I or a TA read with them more often to make up the parent deficit. I don't judge as all families have different pressures but I do consider them to be a less able to be supportive family and school make up time that the parents can't manage for the child accordingly.

TheRealMaryMillington · 01/04/2015 17:41

No school sets up a 3x weekly reading class because kids here and there (especially competent readers) are not filling in their reading diaries. I would put my money on it being Ofsted driven pure and simple - about what they are Seen To Be Doing re the overall standards of reading in school.

If the OP's DS needed an "intervention" it would be done in school time.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 01/04/2015 17:44

Make a note on a post-it of what he reads at the weekend, then put it in the reading diary on separate days, 'P 1-3, P4-6' etc.

Of course you don't have to take him early to the reading thing if you don't want to or can't.

Original poster
Psipsina · 01/04/2015 17:56

I should have been clearer.

  1. It isn't the TA running the club/scheme, there are various staff there but not our TA. It's mainly Y6 children listening to the little ones reading.
  1. Fairenuff - I was addressing that post to Worra who was suggesting (I think) that I write down random bits of reading he does.
  1. The once a week thing was actually, for 40-50 minutes once a week, instead of 4x 10 minutes. I am not unsupportive and I can usually find that time once a week.
  1. Good idea to make him write in his record.
  1. It could be Ofsted as they are working very hard to get back in their good books (and doing an excellent job as far as I can see already)
  1. I don't feel comfortable falsifying anything and don't think I should have to really.
  1. At what point do we 'make it' and not have to do this any more?
OP posts:
PaddingtonBlair · 01/04/2015 18:10

Your point 7 says so much about you and your attitude to you child's schooling.

You are trying to duck out of home support and pass the buck for everything to the teachers before your child is 8.
It is well documented that back up and support at home is a major factor in a child's educational success up to and beyond degree level. Some of us feel we've "made it" when our children are happy, independent and in work.

Original poster
Psipsina · 01/04/2015 18:14

Yikes, that isn't what I meant at all.

In fact I will never feel I have 'made it' in that regard. I just hate having to write everything he has read in a little book and then getting told it isn't good enough.

OP posts: