What is the generation gap today?

[MiddleAgedandConfused]

My mum - mid 70s, Yorkshire born and bred - is like many of her generation mildly racist, doesn't think homosexuality is acceptable or that gay couples should be allowed to adopt, IVF is flaunting nature, premarital sex is the only thing that separates us from animals... and so on. She is actually a very lovely and kind person who would never be rude to anybody, but she used to occasionally come out with some of this stuff.
She has now learned not to say anything like this in front of me cause I won't tolerate it.
So - my question is what beliefs do I hold that will make my DD17 frustrated with me? What dinosaur ideas does a woman my age have that will make my DD tell me to shut up and stop being so bloody ignorant?

I think your mum sounds quite old fashioned for her age group. My mum is nearly 70 and had a teenaged son (my little brother) in the noughties - she is not living in some kind of just post world war 2 world!

Lack of manners possibly?

GoblinLittleOwl my lack of manner for not putting up with my mums old fashioned ideas? Or my daughter for not putting up with mine?

I think about this sometimes. My grandpa has apparently been trashing me all over the family because I'm marrying a catholic. DP isn't practicing, and nobody in our entire family is remotely religious. We're all vehemently athiest and I've never even heard my grandpa mention religion in the past.

At what point do people just accept these things and let older people say what they want? My granny on the other side of the family throws the word "darkie" around and as much as we all cringe, no-one pulls her up about it

Is there an age limit on these views? I certainly wouldn't stand for anyone my age using such language but it tends to be overlooked in older generations.

I should say that my grandpa is 85 and my granny is 80.

I accept that my mum grew up in a different time - and she now accepts that these views are not OK. What I am really interested in is what ideas I have that my daughter will find equally outdated or unpleasant. I was wondering if porn was an example - my generation tend to be more prudish about porn whereas hers have pretty much grown up with it.

I think the technology generation gap is getting more significant. She'll roll her eyes at your not being able to do something technology-related (predicting exactly what is quite dicey) that is second nature to her.

My parents are older and technophobes. When I was in college, I was frustrated that they wouldn't get e-mail. Now I wish they were on Facebook so that sharing pictures of DD with them would be easier. The old ways that those replaced (sending letters and prints of pictures) are much more of a pain than using email or Facebook, so it can be annoying when older family members refuse to use those technologies. It used to be a problem for us to visit them at their house, too, until they got high-speed internet (and DH set up a wireless router that they don't use, but we can use while we visit). It's a problem for him to visit anywhere where he can't get internet access for getting to his work email.

Your mother does know that some animals mate for life, right?

I can only think about what shocks me as a 45 year old when I see what my 17-20 year old nieces get up to. They would obviously think me a dinosaur and a moany old bat if I criticised and of the following in front of them.

The constant pouty/sexy ( sometimes bordering on pornographic) selfies on Facebook ( since they were 13!)

Every photo of them in a well practised red carpet style pose.

The way they feel entitled to have expensive clothes, shoes , experiences etc even though they have minimal/zero incomes.

Their lack of awareness of current affairs / lack of interest in politics.

Obsession with celebs.

God I sound old!

I'd love to know what things I do that they would be embarrassed or shocked about.

Your mother does know that some animals mate for life, right? - apparently not. Or if she does, she knows it detracts from her argument and glosses over it!

I think we will likely be more liberal than our kids the pendulum seems, sadly, to be swinging the other way.

Things future generations will find shocking about the way we live now are our scandalous waste of the Earth's resources particularly fossil fuels. Inequality in standard of living particularly how poorly those in the developing world live compared to the West. Virtual conditions of slavery to supply us with cheap food and clothes.

If you fancy an argument, you might mention animals mating for life the next time she starts going on about premarital sex. It might at least be more interesting than her usual argument.

I agree about the fossil fuel thing - that's a time bomb we have dumped on them.

Do you smoke? Do you think it's OK to smoke around kids? That might shock future generations.

Just for interest at what age do you think people start expressing opinions like your Mum's.

I suppose the next generation might be a bit shocked at our lack of care for the environment-but its very difficult to predict which way views will swing-they could either be very conservative or very libertarian-and, of course, that would be in general as there is always a lot of individual variation.
My Mum used to be very against female drivers, female newsreaders, female vicars etc whilst other women were fighting for their rights.
She has been very glad of female drivers to ferry her round in her old age! (now 95).

Attitudes toward contact sports, especially contact sports for kids, are changing. It's becoming more acceptable, for instance, to not let your kids play American football (because of the risk of head injuries, and the knowledge that said head injuries can have serious long-term consequences). DH and I have already decided that we are not letting our son, due in July, play it. My parents are rather shocked, but most of our friends around our age are not.

Attitudes toward bullying are changing. They might find it shocking that it was once dismissed as "kids being kids", just like someone who grew up in the 80's might find the level of sexual harassment that went on in offices in the 60's and 70's to be shocking.

I wonder if my kids will be shocked that kids rode in cars without car seats or even seatbelts when I was a kid. I test drove new cars recently, and they might be shocked that old cars didn't have things like electronic stability control, backup cameras, and the like. Parallel parking seems to be a whole different ballgame with the backup camera. Maybe they will wonder why it used to be considered such a big deal.

My pil are in their 60/70s, and are a bit homaphobic (despite their dd being gay!)... But in an ingnorant way.
My mum is 50 and I told her off for saying halfcast the other day. She's not racist, just didn't realise the rules have changed.... Just like, me being 30 have only recently found out that we're not allowed to say coloured and more.

You have surprised me IUseAnyName! I am almost 50 and I learned as a child that 'halfcast' is insulting! And 'coloured' has been unacceptable for decades. My goodness!

Ageism is always wrong, however.

I think it depends what you have been exposed to in terms of understanding what is acceptable language. My Mum would definitely think "coloured" was more polite than "black" but she wouldn't be intending to be racist.
People who work and mix with younger people seem to be more up-to-date with what's the acceptable thing to say.
Personally I think its important to look behind this to basic underlying attitudes.

I'm nearly 60 and what shocks me about the generation younger than me is pretty much the same as what shocks me about the generation older than me: I perceive (perhaps wrongly) a general lack of tolerance and fear of the unknown.

I'm sure it can't JUST be my age group (give or take 10-15 years either side) who adhere to the live and let live principle and who still have an allergic reaction to Thatcherism and all that she represented and spawned, but sometimes it seems that way. I must heed Trojan's wise words:
Ageism is always wrong, however

I know what you mean.
I honestly don't understand Spotify - why not just buy music?
In spite of myself knowing better I have caught myself thinking 'she might grow out of it' at my 14 year old relative announcing she's gay. I feel dreadful for even thinking it.

I feel so glad that I got to experience life before the internet. The world has changed and we got to see it happen.

Oh we're not racist at all. But I do think bothe and my mum have led a sheltered life and it takes a while for things to trickle down.... I genuinelly thought coloured was an acceptable phrase until recently.

Just to redress the balance a bit on what I said before: I think one of the greatest social advances I have witnessed has been single sex marriages. Unthinkable when I was a child, but I do hope that my grandchildren will come to regard that era with much the same horror as I do when thinking up sending children up chimneys!

I'm pleasantly surprised that my dsd (10) has both boy and girl friends. When I was at primary school boys and girls were very separate in their games and birthday parties etc.

I'm completely shocked to hear that a 30 year old didn't know that 'coloured' was an offensive term!

I've been telling my DF off regularly for the best part of 30 years for using that word!