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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"loud parenting" on social media

26 replies

BertieBotts · 31/03/2015 12:46

What do you think of these things where parents put some kind of shout out on social media, either to find the "victim" of something their child has done (for apology/payback) or just to humiliate their child as part of the punishment?

I hate them. I can't really articulate why. I think it's because ends up feeling more about the parent feeling all smug and "Look how great I am" than about the child (usually a teenager) actually learning something. They leave a really nasty taste in my mouth. AIBU?

OP posts:

PrettyLittleMitty · 31/03/2015 12:50

Never heard of this but then I'm not on fb.

MamaLazarou · 31/03/2015 13:06

Never heard of it and am on FB.

cosmicglittergirl · 31/03/2015 13:06

Never heard of this. (I am on FB)
People get their children to apologise on FB or try to find their child's victim?
I'd defriend them, they sound like twats.

BeachyKeen · 31/03/2015 13:08

been on fb forever, never saw the like

TwinkieTwinkle · 31/03/2015 13:08

If you are referring to the article on DM online (embarrassing I read it, I know!), then it is literally the one and only time I have heard of anything like that. I would have done the same if I was the mother.

wheresthelight · 31/03/2015 13:23

like twinkle I have only ever seen the one cade and that is the current Daily Fail article. but actually I think it's a credit to the mum that she wants to find the lady and pay for her to have another trip without her spoilt brat daughter causing chaos and being rude.

kids do not seem to get given consequences to their actions any more and frankly it's a disgrace. I would rather see parents try and make amends on facebook than celebrate their ignorant little sods being so bloody rude

Original poster

BertieBotts · 31/03/2015 13:35

Nobody I know. It usually ends up as some kind of viral thing - yes this was prompted the cinema example. But I've seen other examples too.

Here's the cinema one: abcnews.go.com/US/alabama-moms-facebook-apology-kids-movie-behavior-brings/story?id=30007225&cid=fb_abcn_sf

OP posts:

OneMagnumisneverenough · 31/03/2015 13:51

I've never seen the scenario you describe, but I do hate the ones where everyone is telling some woman what a great mum she is etc while i can see her child from my window, running across a shed roof after alternating between playing chicken and repeatedly pressing the road crossing button and making lewd gestures at the cars while they have to stop..........but it's clearly fine as he is a "handsome big laddie" and she is a "gr8 mum hun" - I appreciate the Dad has responsibility here too but I rarely see posts on men's pages from their mates telling them what a brilliant dad they are.

annielouisa · 31/03/2015 13:55

I am in FB and it something I have never come across. I am mainly friends with family or close real life friends and we haver normal conversations and exchange pics ect

Original poster

BertieBotts · 31/03/2015 13:56

It always seems to be in America so perhaps there is a cultural aspect which is bypassing me somewhat. But I just find it so bizarre and crass.

And I think it's a total crock that "kids don't get consequences any more" - yep some parents are feckless. Always have been. It's not a choice between giant proclamation on social media vs celebrating their children's "spirit" or whatever. You know? You can make an impression on your kids without having to laud yourself on social media. To me it's clearly about "look how great I am" more than actually teaching a lesson to the child.

OP posts:

Original poster

BertieBotts · 31/03/2015 13:58

I can't be the only one who has seen this? I also have mainly close family/friends on mine but they seem to get shared on those group pages a lot and sometimes it comes up when someone comments on one.

I mean, it's the thing that sparked all of those spoof sites where a dog wears a sign saying what they've done wrong, isn't it?

OP posts:

BabyGanoush · 31/03/2015 14:00

weird, but can't say I ever witnessed anything like this.

JemFinch · 31/03/2015 14:02

I've never seen it, but then I only have about 40 close friends on fb and it is completely locked down.

Original poster

BertieBotts · 31/03/2015 14:05

Here are some other examples. I'd seen 1, 2, 4 and 10 before.

www.oddee.com/item_98724.aspx

OP posts:

OneMagnumisneverenough · 31/03/2015 14:05

Oh now you say it, I have seen one of these shared - it was about a boy being a bully and he had a big sign round his neck saying what restitution he was going to make and the punishment he'd be undertaking, so I take it back about not having come across it. i guess I was thinking of ones wher I actually knew the person iyswim rather than these viral type things :)

Original poster

BertieBotts · 31/03/2015 14:23

Yes, I meant the viral ones. I'd be really shocked if anyone I know had done it!

OP posts:

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 31/03/2015 14:32

It's really just more of the same, though, isn't it? The lines between private and public are blurred by social medial. All the world is an audience.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 31/03/2015 14:38

So would I :) But i have posted a pic of the school newsletters i had back from my two sons - one pristine and the other a crumpled mess - that was just becasue it was funny and really illustrated their personalities well. I wasn't having a dig at DS2 (and I didn't tag them in it or anything) - that's just they way he is.

And I will from time to time publically praise them i.e. "Having a lovely tea out as a reward for the boys great reports - well done boys" type of thing but thats only becasue I am so proud of them. probably a bit boastful but they both lack confidence so I am doing my best :)

I would never publically shame them on FB though - if they do something wrong then it is for us to sort out with them.

Original poster

BertieBotts · 31/03/2015 15:43

I don't think that's really the same thing OneMagnum. That's more of a "Haha, look at this" and nothing to do with trying to change their behaviour (which I don't think it is anyway, it's more "let's broadcast what a great parent I think I am")

Facebook IS for sharing nice things that happen so again I wouldn't blink twice at seeing someone post that they were proud. Or even somebody posting that they were fed up. But you probably wouldn't erect a giant sign in front of your house saying how proud you were in the hope that somebody would photograph it and you'd end up twitter famous.

OP posts:

AtomicDog · 31/03/2015 15:48

Is this the sort of 'shaming' thing (like the meme for 'shaming' their dogs?)

Original poster

BertieBotts · 31/03/2015 16:49

Yes exactly that. The dog shaming was a tongue in cheek response as far as I saw.

OP posts:

ambientolf · 31/03/2015 18:08

I know somebody on fb like that. His status was about his teenage son pissing in a bottle in his bedroom & his teenage daughter sexting! Completely private & innapropriate for fb!

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 31/03/2015 18:17

Jesus, ambient.

lertgush · 31/03/2015 19:10

I'm in the US and none of my FB friends have ever done this. But I think the woman in this case did the right thing. I wonder why the OP is so offended by it?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 31/03/2015 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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