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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this an growing trend of do things like this just happen to me

22 replies

99pokerface · 31/03/2015 12:24

Was telling my friend about a party DS was invited to last year it was a 15th and they were off to chessington got a really glossy hip invite

The morning of the party I got a text saying don't forget your £40 and also asking if we could pick up 2 other boys o text back asking what the £40 was for it was entry and £5 towards the pizza hunt I was flipping flabbergasted as I was under the impression this was a party invite meaning you are paying not only that she wanted me also to pick up 2 other boys and pay for bloody food

Sadly I had to tell ds he couldn't go as we just didn't have £40 spare and I hadn't factored the time to take 3 boys to chessington I had to world and I was under the impression ds was going with the birthday boy

Any way my may lea (not real name) thought I was piss taking has this happend to anyone else I don't think she believes other parts can be so grabby and rude

OP posts:

AuntieStella · 31/03/2015 12:27

Definitely taking the piss if the admin was raised only as late as the morning of the party.

Original poster

99pokerface · 31/03/2015 12:28

I felt awful for the other 2 boys as I don't think they were able to go and ds was in a right mood but I just don't think that's cricket inviting somone to a party then asking them to stump up the cash for whatever expensive event you have dreamed up ask also asking somone to give a lift last minute.com as to make the person feel like they can't say no

Out of order I really feel people are really loosing it when it co,es to party's these days

OP posts:

seriouslypeedoff · 31/03/2015 12:29

Hmm. Never happened to me. Although it depends on how they were invited? Did you ds tell you he had been invited or was there a written invitation?

Original poster

99pokerface · 31/03/2015 12:31

Sorry just read the post back spelling is awful

Was telling my friend about a party DS was invited to last year it was a 15th and they were off to chessington got a really glossy hip invite

The morning of the party I got a text saying don't forget your £40 and also asking if we could pick up 2 other boys i text back asking what the £40 was for and it was entry and £5 towards the pizza hunt I was flipping flabbergasted as I was under the impression this was a party invite meaning you are paying not only that she wanted me also to pick up 2 other boys and pay for bloody food

Sadly I had to tell ds he couldn't go as we just didn't have £40 spare and I hadn't factored the time to take 3 boys to chessington I had to work and I was under the impression ds was going with the birthday boy

Any way my friend lea (not real name) thought I was piss taking has this happend to anyone else I don't think she believes other parents can be so grabby and rude

OP posts:

Moln · 31/03/2015 12:31

With a 15th I'd think it would be the norm to pay you own way, but how it was presented with an invite does suggest a come along to party

The invite needed to have stated that £40 was needed and the travel arrangements too.

So if it didn't then YANBU

Original poster

99pokerface · 31/03/2015 12:33

He had been given a invite

Looked like it had been knocked up on a decent computer high gloss sort of thing

Come to chessingtons for xxxx 15th date time please text your number to my mum 07xxxxx sort of thing

OP posts:

Original poster

99pokerface · 31/03/2015 12:35

It had the time written so I just assumed he would be going round to me the boy at his house he lived quite near its just ds has been to lots of parties and I just never heard of paying to go to a party I think just mates going along to a thead park is a very diffrent kettle of fish I would expect to be giving lifts maybe and also paying for him but not a party

OP posts:

PrettyLittleMitty · 31/03/2015 12:37

I think for something as expensive as a day out at a theme park for 15 year olds I would have expected to have to pay BUT this should have been made clear on the invite.

seriouslypeedoff · 31/03/2015 12:38

Wow! Yanbu. I can't imagine any parent sending an invite not mentioning transport and cost.

Is it possible the birthday boy did the invitations and the parents were unaware that the invitation didn't have the right info on.

What did the mother say when you said your ds wasn't going.

Also how did the mother know you would be ok picking up other children.

Fugacity · 31/03/2015 12:39

There are always two-for-one deals at these places, so it should never have been £40.

Moln · 31/03/2015 12:40

Get what you mean at 15 it's more common for a bunch of friends to go somewhere for a birthday rather than have a 'party'

Maybe said boy got a new printer and was being fancy but made it look like a party type party.

Original poster

99pokerface · 31/03/2015 12:45

I sent her the text back saying well you invited him my ds didn't ask to go to chessington she text back saying if I didn't pick the other boys up they wouldnt be able to go because their parents don't drive and she didn't have space in her car and that taking everything in to account she would be willing to pay for his food

I just sent back saying very sorry but xxxxx(ds) will not be attending xxxxxx 15th birthday due to cost and travel arrments

Ds had the right hump

OP posts:

Original poster

99pokerface · 31/03/2015 12:47

Good luck to all the other parents who stumped up the cash but they were likey bind sided at the last moment and felt they couldn't say no I just find it stanger because ds now 15 has been invited to paint balling for a 16th parents hired a mini bus and are paying for it but have said any extra balls should be paid for by us fair enough

OP posts:

bertiebogtrotter · 31/03/2015 13:10

This is an odd one, and YANBU given all this came up on the day of the outing!

If you were needed to give a lift to some other boys the other Mum should have been in touch in plenty of time and asked if it was possible. I would only even think about asking this favour of someone I knew pretty well.

My DD has been invited to paint balling days too and all was paid for by the Birthday persons parents - however I am aware this is not a cheap thing to do and given that the kids organised it between themselves, as in no formal written invite, I did check with DD what the arrangements were with paying when I agreed to let her go.

Littlef00t · 31/03/2015 15:48

If they had included the details that entry was to be paid, you would have had time to arrange Clubcard vouchers or similar. Agree that it was mad not to warn of any costs.

LittleBairn · 31/03/2015 15:53

YANBU she wants her son to celebrate his birthday somewhere expensive then she should be paying for it. The demanding you take the other two is outrageous as well. She seems to have issues communicating clearly.

OnlyLovers · 31/03/2015 15:53

I don't have kids so I have no experience/insight, but I think it's out of order not to make the arrangements clear from the start. Fair enough, the birthday family don't necessarily have to treat everyone to a day at Chessington, but people need to know in advance. That's a lot of money, and even more so if you happened to have more than one child invited.

It's even MORE out of order to ask you to pick up other children and then guilt-trip you about it! I wonder if you were the only person she asked or if several others had already told her to fuck off politely declined?

Do you still see the other mum, OP?

PHANTOMnamechanger · 31/03/2015 16:00

host parent totally in the wrong for not making the set up absolutely clear from the off

This has not happened to me. In my experience most people distinguish very carefully between a "would you like to come with us, cost is £20" sort of invite and "we will take your DS with ours on XYZ date and time, it's our treat"

PHANTOMnamechanger · 31/03/2015 16:01

presumably host mum had also offered your car as transport for the other kids?? without ever discussing with you??

Hussarsataparty · 31/03/2015 16:01

My DD was invited to a movie party for a neighbour's DD's birthday. They sent my DD back home for money to pay for drink, popcorn etc. hadn't ever done that to them before, and they had just inherited nearly a million quid. I was kinda . YADNBU here. In my book, your party, you pay.

iwaly · 31/03/2015 16:09

Wow amazing - could almost understand there was a miscommunication about the costs as teenagers are rubbish at that sort of thing but have to tell you that tickets for Chessington (or for Thorpe Park which is more aimed at 15 year olds to be honest) can be bought online 5 days beforehand for £26 or there are 2 for 1 vouchers on every pack of cereal bars I bought last week, so to ask for £40 is outrageous. And as for the lifts there is no way she should have expected that you could just do that without any notice.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 31/03/2015 16:13

They are completely and totally out of order here! YANBU!!

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