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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To constantly think I'm going to die?

14 replies

OwEmGee · 31/03/2015 07:47

More of an 'Am I being irrational' than 'Am I being unreasonable' but I have this overwhelming fear that either myself or DH is going to die.

I have to travel home to see family tonight (3 hour car journey) and I know I will be stressing about this all day. I've only been driving a year and although I drive to work everyday, it 20 mins max and one junction on the motorway. This is different and I just worry about it constantly!

When we go on holiday and have to fly, I am fine (not a nervous flyer) but I have to make peace with the fact that I am probably going to die on this flight.

Is this a totally irrational fear, or am I vaguely normal? And if I'm not normal, am I in danger of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy?

OP posts:

seriouslypeedoff · 31/03/2015 08:14

I hate flying and am pretty convinced something bad will happen.

Whether you are irrational or not depends on how much its effecting your life. When me and dh first moved in together I was convinced one of us was going to die. I think I was just very happy and scared it was going to be taken away.

If its really interfering in your life, maybe you need to speak to someone. It could be a general anxiety issue, that's just showing itself.

seriouslypeedoff · 31/03/2015 08:17

And I you stress about it that much its bothering you when driving long distances, then yes you could be putting yourself in danger. Simply because you aren't concentrating on the job at hand completely. Are you usually ok once you are in the car?

Original poster

OwEmGee · 31/03/2015 08:20

Hi Peed Off! Thanks for the reply. Yes, once in the car I'm fine and actually quite enjoy it, but it's just the run up to it during the day that stresses me.

As I say, the only time it bothers me is when I have to drive long distances and I think part of that is down to being happy in my life like you said, and not wanting that to change.

I really appreciate the response though, so thank you

OP posts:

hackmum · 31/03/2015 08:22

I'm exactly the same, OP. Constantly convinced I'm going to crash the car, especially on long car journeys but also on short ones (i.e. even on the school run). And I've been driving 24 years, so you'd think it would have got better by now.

thegreylady · 31/03/2015 08:31

I am now 71 and each day I think about the time I may have left. I look after my youngest grandchildren (8&6) after school twice a week and try to make bargains with fate to let me live to see them grown.
My ideal (ish) would be another 13 years but we are not a long lived family. Mum was 69 and her mum 62. I have had breast cancer 8 and a half years ago and am overweight too. I have managed to lose over two stones since last May and my diet is ok.
Life is good and I'm not ready to go.
Dh is nearly 79 and I don't want to lose him either but lets face it one of us at least is likely to die in the next few years.
Death is inevitable and I am lucky to have had a rich (not financially) and varied life.

BumgrapesofWrath · 31/03/2015 08:33

I am certainly like this, and have got a lot worse since having kids.

I have found that at some points I worry more than others. I wonder if it is in part related to other stress in my life as well.

Mine is also about being worried my happiness being taken away - it's almost like I think I don't deserve happiness, though I don't know why!

KeepsTrying · 31/03/2015 08:39

I can be like that - I am much better now though, simply because I travel more. I got into the rut of pretty much only driving within a small area - even going to the next town along seemed like a risk!

It is really when doing journeys that are longer/unfamiliar that is happens and, like you, I am fine when I get going. I am flying in a few weeks and the odd thought has started, but I think this is because I haven't flown for a couple of years. I know I will be completely fine getting on the plane.

This was in real contrast to how I used to be. I realised that was happening though and made a real effort to force myself out of it (by taking on the longer/unfamiliar journeys again - by driving myself rather than letting DH do it all the time). I've now had two MILs and they both refuse to drive unfamiliar routes (and actually the first one pretty much stopped driving) and I could see myself become like them - that was a wake up call!

Anyway, yes, I think it is fairly normal if you have become used to driving the same few short routes all the time and don't travel much generally. Just keep doing it and don't give in!

CarcerDun · 31/03/2015 08:40

OP I often feel the same, I have in the past wandered the house at night to check everyone is still breathing. It doesn't affect my life, I just have waves of thinking about it. A long journey (and flying) would also bring these thoughts out.

I'm sure it's normal ok maybe not the night time stuff and most people must have thoughts like this, but we don't discuss it and death is a bit of a taboo.

Thegreylady, your post really struck me in a comforting way, I hope you continue to live life to the full.

FiveHoursSleep · 31/03/2015 08:51

I often think this, especially with flying. I don't worry myself sick, but it crosses my mind all the time.
For me I wonder if part of me feels that thinking it gives me some protection from it. How stupid!

seriouslypeedoff · 31/03/2015 08:55

I moved past it when I realised that I deserved to be happy. I deserved to be happy and keep it that way. But also when i realised there isn't anything I can really do about it. Shit happens but, why ruin the days I am happy by being worried all the time. I can be careful and not reckless, but if something is going to happen I can't change that. I just didn't want to be old, wishing I hadn't wasted so much time worrying....what if?

popalot · 31/03/2015 10:24

It's a form of anxiety. Can you put your finger on why you might be living on a higher level of alertness? Have you had something happen to you when you were younger that might have triggered it? If you can think about why your brain might have switched on the danger alert mode, you can work towards switching it off again. It is a normal response to a perceived dangerous situation that can get stuck switched on when it is no longer needed.

JustJanice · 31/03/2015 10:32

I've been terrible lately. Every journey is bound to be my last. Every twinge is cancer.

Partly I think it's because other than the fact I'm going to die soon, all other areas of life are wonderful at the moment. I've recently trained for a career I've always wanted to do and been offered a related position. My conviction that I'm not long for this world is mostly because, well, that would be just TYPICAL

HeyheyheyGoodbye · 31/03/2015 10:35

I worry about DH more than myself. He flies a lot for work and while I KNOW planes are usually safe, and news recently means if he doesn't text me at every stage of his journey I become convinced something awful has happened - and then he gets an earful when he does phone /annoying wife

BMW6 · 31/03/2015 10:41

Sometimes the reality of my death kind of jumps out from behind a door at me (IFSWIM). I find it helpful to remember how I felt before I was born...........

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