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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect DH to wash his smelly feet

24 replies

Mumyum1 · 31/03/2015 01:03

Before getting into bed with me and 17mo DS (we cosleep). Or for expecting him to shower more than 1-2 times a week??? I find it disrespectful. DH gets really angry with me for bringing it up and as he puts if 'going in about it' and tells me he finds me irritating.

OP posts:

AlpacaMyBags · 31/03/2015 01:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maras2 · 31/03/2015 01:21

One to two times a week ? No one in this house showers less than once or twice a day They certainly would not come to bed with stinky feet.Dirty pig.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 31/03/2015 01:50

YANBU at all. My DP currently only showers about twice a week, which is a bit crap, but the second he has smelly feet (or particularly bothersome body odour, while we're at it) he gets sent to the bathroom to sort it out, and he bloody well goes and sorts it out.

Same with being exceptionally smelly in general - I have been known to order him ask him nicely to get out of bed and go and have a shower a couple of minutes after he's come to bed, because I've noticed that he stinks.

Of course he finds it embarrassing and a pain in the arse, but he doesn't argue/refuse to do it.

SingingSoftly · 31/03/2015 07:44

Totally disgusting! Has he always been like this?

Original poster

Mumyum1 · 31/03/2015 22:04

He has not always been this way I don't think but he has quite a depressive nature (depressing enough for me without the grossness of body unwashness) and when he goes through a phase it's much more noticeable but the phase seems constant now. If he had the decency to be embarrassed when I feel forced to mention that he has BO and could he please shower it would be a saving grace but he has the nerve to get cross!!!! And tells me I go on and I'm a nag!!!

OP posts:

FuckingLiability · 31/03/2015 22:05

OMG, he only showers once a week? I'm sorry, but I'd risk him being cross to complain about that. Yuck.

Hillingdon · 31/03/2015 22:17

Everyone needs to wash more than once a week. I don't care who you are!!

He will smell awful and others will spot it too. Yuck, yuck. I think you need to calmly state that others have noticed too.

Fairenuff · 31/03/2015 22:18

I'd let him get cross and then I'd get cross back at him and tell him to wash his filthy stinking body or move out the area where I can smell him.

LaurieFairyCake · 31/03/2015 22:21

Do you have a spare bedroom?

I wouldn't bother complaining (you've tried that multiple times and it isn't working for you).

I'd make the other bedroom lovely and move in there. There would be no sex, cuddling or kissing or anything unless he was showered that day.

He has the right to be revolting and you have the right not to be intimate or sleep with it.

I couldn't bear it and wouldn't be intimate with him at all unless he was clean.

Original poster

Mumyum1 · 31/03/2015 22:38

We do have a spare bedroom ... The problem is he would follow us there. I have told him to sleep there. I have told him to sleep on the sofa. He doesn't get sex unless he has showered. So he hardly gets sex. He doesn't even brush his teeth everyday. I refuse to eat from him of he hasn't waged his hands. I have even told his mother who is so deeply embarrassed and keeps apologising. She used to ask when she was getting a second grandchild and eventually I told her it was not going to happen as her DS refused to shower!!!! And just because he happens to shower on a particular day does not guarantee his right to sex, which he seemed to think it did. I'm getting so angry again now typing all of this. I don't want my DS to grow up with this shit example.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 31/03/2015 22:41

Then you lock him out of the bedroom, he doesn't get to impose his smelliness on you

Following you to get into bed suggests he has no boundaries and is incredibly disrespectful - I wouldn't allow that at all and I'd go as far to say that it's abusive forcing yourself on someone.

maliaki · 31/03/2015 22:42

I'd find pongy feet and stinky pits more than 'irritating'. Go without washing for four days op them rub your feet, pits and other bits in his face and see if he wants you to shower. Then tell him to stop being such a hypocritical stinker.

Seriously though OP, this is bigger then just not washing his feet, he sounds like he can't be bothered anymore. He's not being fair to you or the CD.

Original poster

Mumyum1 · 31/03/2015 23:16

Yes, we used to be best friends together ten years and married seven. Had our share of ups and downs but since baby 17 months ago it's been mainly down. Didn't realise I could hate him until then. Sad really. Though in the last few months we've started laughing again and being nice to each other. Apart from the personal hygiene on his part. And we actually don't have locks on any of the doors except the bathrooms, and those can be opened from the outside.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mumyum1 · 31/03/2015 23:20

I have started using separate bed covers blankets etc. So that does actually help.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 31/03/2015 23:21

If you really don't want him in bed with you just put a door jamb at the bottom, you don't have to lock it

Original poster

Mumyum1 · 01/04/2015 00:21

Don't want to raise my hopes toooooo much .... But I told him last night I was going to post on MN to get feedback and he calls me crazy and living in my own world etc etc. anyway he has now had a shower two nights in a row. Few more nights like this he might just get laid! (Hope I'm not jinxing by doing a victory dance!)

OP posts:

maliaki · 02/04/2015 21:08

Woo hoo! Hope he keeps it up :)

Original poster

Mumyum1 · 04/04/2015 10:27

I actually let him read the responses on here. He told me this is a 'stupid' website for women who have too much time on their hands. But has been showering daily. So he can say what he wants about MN. It's done the job!!!!

OP posts:

Eggynuff · 04/04/2015 10:29

He sounds like a catch

MrsKoala · 04/04/2015 10:36

Showering once a week is disgusting. I'd have to Febreze him.

Fuck Fabreeze, I'd have to mace him!

giraffesCantBunnyHop · 04/04/2015 11:47

YANBU

Original poster

Mumyum1 · 05/04/2015 22:46

Thanks for your responses. It's really helped. He tends to tell me my 'ideas' are crazy and no one in their right mind would abide by it and he just 'indulges' me. Lucky me hey! Like wash your hands when you come from the toilet ... With soap and water! Wash your hands before you make me a sandwich or I will have to politely decline your offer to make me one. If you get up last make the bed up. When you bath the baby pick up the used nappy Youve left in the floor. Rinse the bath. Pick up your dirty dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Just typing this out I've realised - I'm doing what his mother never did - force him to look after himself. We are currently at the inlaws this Easter weekend and she has just wiped his cheek wih a tissue!!!! And told him how handsome he is. And that her grandchild (our son) is so amazing just like him. OMG. Puke!!!!

OP posts:

UncertainSmile · 05/04/2015 23:20

If he objects to a 'a Woman's Website', then he's a sexist dick. That said, I'm a bloke and I think he's being a riffy selfish sod. If he has depression, then he needs to seek help and treatment. Not washing is disrespectful to you.

Eggynuff · 05/04/2015 23:45

Yes, that's just selfish.

And having to be told not to leave a shitty nappy lying around on the floor. How is that in any way attractive? I prefer my man to behave like an adult who doesn't need his mummy or some other woman to tell him what to do.

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