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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Excuses! Excuses!

20 replies

helzapoppin2 · 30/03/2015 10:43

I need some really good excuses to repel houseguests. The sort that make it seem like it was their sensible idea not to stay with you!
My family are, largely grown up. I have the room, but I am exhausted and could do with time off from playing mein host!

OP posts:
tobytoes · 30/03/2015 10:44

You have a virus?

HighwayDragon · 30/03/2015 10:45

"sorry, that doesn't work for me"

repeat

AlternativeTentacles · 30/03/2015 10:46

Bedbugs. fleas.

Or how about you are on a personal staycation from looking after people until 2016? So it's a B&B or nothing.

AlpacaMyBags · 30/03/2015 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tobytoes · 30/03/2015 10:47

I second the fleas and bedbugs idea.

tobytoes · 30/03/2015 10:48

Your having a massive sort out and the spare room is full?

BarbarianMum · 30/03/2015 10:49

You are redecorating the spare room this summer. If any of them do come nd stay nearby you can fake this with a few dust-sheets and a stepladder. If you have more than 1 spare room then obviously the furniture etc from the room you are redecorating has had to be moved into that so they can't stay in it either.

pictish · 30/03/2015 10:49

Just say no. Nicely of course, but firmly.
"I'm not going to host for a spell because I need time out."

SideOrderofChips · 30/03/2015 11:04

'Fuck off im busy'

helzapoppin2 · 30/03/2015 11:05

So tempting!

OP posts:
Rightokthen · 30/03/2015 11:12

Windows replaced

Rightokthen · 30/03/2015 11:12

Plumbing issue! Having to use neighbours loo

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 30/03/2015 11:15

My family are, largely grown up.

Are you talking extended family who fancy a holiday at your expense?

I'd go with 'no, not this year, I'm exhausted'.

helzapoppin2 · 30/03/2015 11:26

sandiego, it's Mil, who visits for every public holiday, anything from a week to a month, hence associated guilt about turning her down. I am no spring chicken, but feel as if I am still looked on as the "young mum" of the family, able to look after everybody at anytime, when in fact I'm retired, been through a major illness and frankly I'm knackered, and feel like I deserve a break sometime! Isn't that what public holidays are for?
But guilt and the word selfish goes through my head if I'm even tempted to turn her down.

OP posts:
TendonQueen · 30/03/2015 11:30

If you host on every, or even most, public holidays, no way is it selfish to decide you want a change! I would phrase it as 'we've done this loads and there are quite a few things I want to do for myself this spring so we're not having anyone to stay this time round'. Can't your DH go and visit her, possibly with any kids still at home, leaving you in peace and quiet?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 30/03/2015 11:32

Stop thinking of yourself as being selfish and drop the guilt.

Say no and stick with it.

Momagain1 · 30/03/2015 11:34

My family are, largely grown up.

^Are you talking extended family who fancy a holiday at your expense?

I'd go with 'no, not this year, I'm exhausted'.^

Once you have rested, control the flow by deciding how often and when you wish to host and inviting your preferred guests (going to B list If they cant come and you want to make another invite) and being too exhausted otherwise. Or maybe in addition to those you want to host, you could bear 2 sets of presumers annually, if they invite themselves far enough in advance. No one but you and your dp needs to know what is your restriction on numbers of times you are willing to host, or how late is too late to ask.

Next year, either risk creating an unavoidable tradition for the invitees by inviting them a second year in a row, or very purposefully mix it up, telling the first set of invitees 'maybe next year'.

Since yours are largely grown up, soon enough they might be usung up all your hosting energy bringing oartners and then grandchildren too. This will make it way easier to not have room for anyone else except the few you want to invite.

Grantaire · 30/03/2015 11:34

A firm but fair no. Do not make excuses. You do not need excuses. You have a reason. Where will MIL stay instead? Can you help her with other arrangements?

Notagainmun · 30/03/2015 11:36

Put yourself first for a change - no one else seems to be.

helzapoppin2 · 30/03/2015 11:38

Thank you for all your replies. I realise I get myself in this mess by not being firm enough. Mil has a far better social life than I do, so I need not feel bad about her being lonely.

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