To still feel used?

[lastuseraccount123]

About 2 years ago couple friends of ours were having a difficult time in their marriage. During this time, I became quite close to the wife and she admitted to me that she'd had an affair. She was drinking a lot at the time and not doing so well, and I was a shoulder for her to cry on.

Fast forward a year later, they are still together, she has stopped drinking, and though we all still socialise within the same group of friends I've noticed she now avoids me. She also claims everything is 100% great now in her marriage and refers to that year as her 'crazy year'. Now I feel like a fucking idiot and used. 1. I have this secret to carry around and pretend like I don't know (her husband doesn't know) and 2. That she is now avoiding me and keeping me at arm's length. The thing that bothers me most about it is the fakeness. When she sees me or on FB, it's all this BS about how we should get together! sometime soon! and I'd fall for it and try and pin her down on a time but there would never be a right time, and then she'd back out at the last minute...rinse and repeat..now I get it and don't bother, but AIBU to still feel used?

Sorry about how you've been treated OP. YANBU, it sounds like she's keeping you at arm's length because she's trying to convince herself that things are better than they are.

YANBU to feel how you feel, but I'd try and detach as much as possible from her. Maybe she embarrassed or worried that you know about her affair?

She's embarassed. And scared you might bring up the episode when she just wants to forget it. You're not BU but I think you're just going to have to move on, the friendship is probably over.

I know. I know. You are right. It just hurts and I feel like a fool for not seeing it coming.

I am detaching - no longer try to get together with her, don't make any effort anymore. It's just hard because I have to keep seeing her in our group of friends and nod and smile.

YANBU to feel used but I agree with other posters, I'd say she's in a panic you're going to let something slip. If you can't let go of the hurt feelings maybe reply to one of the FB messages honestly and say you'd rather not receive any more vague mentions of catch ups because they never eventuate. You did nothing wrong so it sucks that you're left feeling upset.

Yanbu to be hurt. But I don't think she intentionally used you. I think is probably too embarrassed to meet up, but feels she needs to keep you on side (hence the fb fakery) in case you decide to blab to her dh. Sometimes when you have done something shit, its easier to pretend it didn't happen when you are around people who don't know.

I understand that you feel burdened, used and dump but I think it's her friends guilty conscious that's at fault here. You actually hold the upper hand and she doesn't know how to deal with that so tries to keep everything looking 'normal' whilst keeping her distance.

She must be terrified that you will reveal her guilty secret and in all honesty she is powerless. I'm not sure I'd really want to continue a close friendship with her, only you know if you do or if the friendship has run its course.

I have found OP that people who you're not very close to already who suddenly confide in you or want to spend time together or suddenly start refferring to you as a "great mate" etc almost always do this. It's very odd and I'm careful who I let in now.