To think there is no point going back to work

[Myplateiswhite]

I have two young children and have recently moved about an hour and a half away from previous address (to be nearer family). Planning on going back to work part time after mat leave. However have done the sums and I will not be earning enough to cover travel and childcare costs (let alone having any money left to contribute to household costs). I enjoy my job but looking at the finances coupled with being such a long distance from my children for a couple of days a week I am not sure it's viable/worth it. Job opportunities where I have moved to are very limited so I have to think carefully about this decision as I am aware in about 2 years childcare costs will be lower so I will start earning again.

I'm in a similar position although my parents are going to provide childcare for the immediate future but I can't see that working until school age so when childcare does kick in I won't be bringing home an awful lot after paying train fares but luckily our mortgage isn't huge. 60 min train Commute for me.

However I got part time & as another poster said pension etc is important - I have great benefits with my employer which I would loathe to give up.

Also agree on the self worth aspect - DS is 7.5 months but I already feel my confidence shrinking.

I'm so rubbish at interviews I really think I'm best staying in employment!

Good luck whatever you decide OP.

I wouldn't work. Well, I don't and I've never regretted it. I gave up three years ago. I'm sure it's hard getting back into work after a break but for me it is most definitely worth it. I want to be at home, certainly don't want to work just to pay someone else to do what I want to be doing, which is being with my children. It depends how you feel about it really.

Viable and worth it are 2 different things.

But it's astonishing how fast time flies and before you know it you have an older child who will really benefit from sometime in preschool and, later, activities etc. A second salary coming in makes a huge difference to their opportunities - babies are cheap if you don't need to pay out for childcare but 8 year olds, not so much. Working through the nursery years meant I now have a level of flexibility & a decent salary that would be hard to replicate in a new job. My DC get me picking them up from school but we still have the extra cash for them to do gym, swimming, dancing, meals out etc. In the long term, a second salary makes a massive difference to the family's disposable income.

Of course some people do give up work and, when they are ready, then find a brilliantly flexible, well paying job. But IME most have to choose between 'family friendly hours' with low pay, or better pay but FT hours when they go back. I'm glad I haven't had to make that choice, and I think it's worked out well for our DC too.

I would still love to be a SAHM but I think that's just laziness (my DC are all school age now...). It also depends on how comfortably you can all live on your DH's salary. Some of the nursery kids we knew had SAHMs who just used nursery for a break. I can't imagine giving up work and still having £80 per week per child spare for nursery. I imagine in that situation it's actually quite hard to keep working.

Nice to hear someone talking about the other option Littlejohndory. Thank you. (I do love looking after little ones whilst on Mat leave).

are yiu boyh claiming full childcare voucher entitlement? there's still vouchers to be claimed even as a higher rate tax payer, and you can back claim to the kast financial year if you've missed some. we both claimed full entitlement whilst I was on mat leave and have abiut 5k worth between us, will pay for the first 4 months of nursery for 3.5 yr dd and 15m ds. she's off to school come sept so bill will fall when we have to start forking out hard cash.

I carried on working when I had my DC and took minimal maternity leave. With the benefit of hindsight yes it was worth it. I had no career breaks to explain on my CV, no loss of confidence from being out of the workplace, and a part of me felt like superwoman because I'd survived juggling the demands of babies/toddlers/preschoolers while also working full time.

However, it damn-near broke me. At one point I was running at a financial loss because of child care alone, let alone factoring in travelling costs, etc. I barely saw my DC Monday to Friday and I was so permanently knackered I had no quality of life to speak of and nearly made myself ill.

I don't regret my choices because they worked out well for me in the long run. My career has progressed, I am getting ever more financially secure and there are lots of other benefits other than the financial associated with working. However, I wouldn't judge anyone who decides it's not for them, particularly if they are working purely to earn a second income rather than in a job they love and want to develop in.

Do whatever feels right for you, but if you decide to SAH, please investigate ways of protecting your financial security in the event of a relationship breakdown in the future.

good luck.

I did it for a few years, no family help, long commute, barely saw my children, spent £2400 a month on Childcare ...The stress was ridiculous and I became very ill. For me it wasn't worth it but that was full time in a high pressurised job, part time may be different, though when I worked part time I just felt like I wasn't doing anything particularly well.

In the end it was not worth sacrificing my health for and I do very much live in the here and now at the moment. I am currently retraining but it is lovely to be at home and have a much slower pace of life. It's not forever, the way I see it we will all be working until we are 70 anyway so to take a few years out, for me and for my health is worth it. I can already see the positive effect on my children. I completely admire women who can do it, I wish I was superwoman but I am just not, the tiredness, stress, lack of time to do anything just got to me in the end.

Everyone's situation is different, just wanted to give a different point of view! If it's a job you love it probably is with holding on to.

I didn't give up and the years had just whizzed by! I think you need to be very careful. There certainly is a point (in fact many points) to continue.

I have just interviewed for quite a flexible Rome in a large FTSE company.

Two of the applicants were returning back to work after a number of yrs as a SAHM. One didn't turn up and asked for the interview to be rescheduled as a telephone interview as she had a poorly child. She then forgot to attend that too! The other one at the end of the interview asked about time off for family emergencies and what were our thoughts on inset days....

I had a SAHM lecture me on how we should have given them both a second chance and we didn't know what we might be turning down. They really have no idea of what working is like now. We took on a man in the end.

Depressing a reason as it might be I would never give up work to be a SAHM unless independently wealthy. I trust my DH but all sorts of things can happen and being out of the workplace makes life harder should you ever need to get back in.

As someone who took the giving up option more years ago than I'd care to say, I'd say at least give it a go. I didn't really have the option of p/time (anyone working 9-5 5 days a week was considered a part-timer), had no family support, and struggled with the role anyway. Plus had undiagnosed pnd, so probably would have crashed and burned going back to my previous high pressure sales role.
But if you enjoy it, and it's only a couple. of days, I think you might find in the future you'll regret at last not seeing how it pans out.
It is lovely being with the little ones but when you reach the stage where you'd always assumed you'd be ready to go back to work and realise your options are severely limited without expensive retraining (by which time your age goes against you), you might regret that decision. Or you might not, but I think if you have the opportunity to decide from an informed place it's worth taking ot.
Sorry for over-using the word 'option'!

Yy to previous poster who mentioned childcare vouchers or tax credits. With childcare vouchers you can save over £900 a year on childcare

I gave up work after my second child because like you I would have been working at a loss.

Taking the long view is one thing, but if in the meantime you are left so badly out of pocket that you can't actually afford the costs of going to work in the here and now, it's really not much consolation. If it's not viable, no amount of 'it'll be worth it in the long term' really helps pay the bills in the meantime.

I'm also not sure about the child tax credits thing? I was always a low earner and whilst DH earns a good salary, he is not by any measure what you would call a high earner, but we were never entitled to help with childcare costs.

Treaclesoda if you are both employed you'd be able to get childcare vouchers which basically save tax on your childcare costs. If your dh's company don't offer them you can ask them to. They save employer's NI so it usually saves them money as well. Most big companies generally offer it anyway but small companies will usually if you ask.

That's a valid point treacle. I accumulated debt during my working years when DC were very small. If your childcare bill is £2000+ pcm (average for two if full time) then £900 pa isn't really going to help. You have to be able to live now before reaping long term rewards. I just about could but it was without doubt the most difficult period in my life. I'm left amazed at how many mums actually manage it, especially those with DP/Hs who don't earn much.

My DHs employer don't do childcare vouchers and refuse to introduce them. When I was working my company also didn't do them, and didn't want to do them.

Although I understand the system is changing later this year which might make things easier for everyone to avail of help with childcare, which is obviously good

PP have valid points about long term career and financial planning. However, you have to decide if being a sahp is something you'd really want to do. It's not just about if you can afford it. A job gives you, as an individual, benefits that are more than just financial.

I left work just over a year ago and haven't regretted it once,which surprised me. I'm lucky that my dh earns enough for me to do this comfortably. I had to stop work due to my ds's special needs. Even if I wanted to go back to work, no childcare would take him.

I'm lucky in that my previous job was teaching and there are plenty of routes back in and my experience with my son is directly applicable. Having said that, I may yet change careers.

Fair enough treacle, if it's unaffordable it's unaffordable.

Sometimes there is a middle ground. There are various nurseries in our town ranging from £28.50 per day for babies to more than double that plus nappies and wipes (we are SE so not a cheap area). You don't want to be choosing childcare just on price, of course, but costs do vary wildly and that can make all the difference to whether you can cover your costs or not, especially with more than one child in nursery.

It's only part time, you'll see your little ones lots and these emergency scenarios are just fears, not v likely or something to swing a big decision like this. Besides, you moved to be near family so presumably there's local back up if someone was needed.

But with the decision to move so far away and the things you're saying, it sounds to me like you want to stop work. My friend did the same, moved 1.5 hours from work, 'tried it' for a couple of months part-time but declared it too difficult and gave up. A year later her marriage broke up and she's now trying to find a new home for her and the kids with no job/income and it's hell. Worst case scenario obviously, but really, keeping her job would've made so much more sense. And the full time sahp thing wasn't as fulfilling as she'd hoped either.

So I say keep the job. But somehow I don't think you will.

We hit the same issue once we had more than one child. I stopped working for a short while.
Then a job opportunity came up which meant that for a couple of years we would see no immediate financial benefit- the nursery fees cost the equivalent of my income.
I took the job though and never regretted it. I'm pretty sure if I'd been out of the workplace any longer I'd have found it very tough to get back. Also, I wanted to keep my pension going.

Imo it's very tough to keep working in this situation because its human nature to want to see some immediate financial benefit. However i am so glad I played the long game. I loved being at home with my little ones but also enjoyed having my work life too.
I would think very carefully before giving up a good job

If you have a part time job you like, you'd be daft not to at least give work a go. Those are a very sought after breed, even in areas where there are lots of job opportunities. Unless you really can't afford to work at a loss, in which case it doesn't matter if you're BU or not. If it's impossible it's impossible, but I'd certainly want to try.

Have you done your sums with the new system too? You might be better off with the one that's coming in this August than the current voucher scheme. Also factor in the free hours, I'm guessing your eldest won't be more than a year away from them once your ML finishes.