to tell MIL tough luck, if seeing my DC is that important she'll need to make the time and fit round us.

[Pandsala]

MIL wants to have DD tomorrow as apparently its the only time she'll have time during the easter holidays, MIL doesn't work, have GC other than my 2 or have any real reason she couldnt see DD another day.

DD broke up earlier this year, DS goes back later, so the plan was that DS has been invited to dinner after school and I'm picking him up at 8, which gives plenty of time for me and DD to do something together tomorrow, then have a day with just DS at the end of the school holiday, when my mum can pick DD up and gove her dinner so we dont have to rush back. there's 5 years between them so its nice to have a day where I can treat them without worrying about one being too old or to young, plus some one to one time is always nice.

MIL feels I'm being unreasonable not to change our plans for her, I have offered her any other day this week, DS doesnt break up til the end of the week so she'll still have a day just with DD, its just tomorrow works better for what DD and I want to do as we won't have to be back to pick him up at 3, which we do the rest of the week. I'm also pissed off she's sulking about this but has never asked for a day just with DS.

DD by the way cried when I asked if she'd rather see MIL tomorrow and do our stuff another day.

Did she know you had plans when she asked?

Yanbu. Stick to your guns!

Yanbu.

I had told her Sukie but she has a rubbish memory so might have forgotten, I dont mind that she asked, its the sulking when I said we're busy.

Yanbu, sounds like you're being completely reasonable! She can't just expect you to drop everything to bend to her will.

Yanbu on the face of it, but the hostility in the title makes me wonder about a backstory.

Yanbu, she is unreasonable to expect you to drop your plans at short notice when she could see your DD another day.

Is she usually unreasonable or is this out of character?

You don't need to persuade her that she is wrong. Just say 'that doesn't work for us, which day in the week would you like to see her?' and don't get into any further discussion about the day you are busy- 'no, I said that day doesn't work for us, when you have decided which other day you would like let us know'.

Not much of a backstory, MIL expects us to drop everything every time she calls but does absolutely nothing for us, shes quite happy to take the DC out when it suits her but has never babysat or come to a school play/dance show/football match etc. DH adores her and had a good childhood, we got on really well before DD was born but the sulks everytime I have to say no plus DD getting increasingly more attention from her than DS is annoying me.

I think it's really bad that she is obviously favouring one of her grandchildren over the other.

Does DH have siblings, did she have a favourite child too?

Well if you had plans you had plans. Can't be expected to just drop them because someone wants you too. If she won't have her on another day that's her lookout.

You ate being totally fair

Is your DS upset that DD is being favoured? Why do you think she favours DD?

DH has a sister and DH is very much her favourite

DS doesn't seem bothered to be honest, im not sure why DD is her favourite, I think it might just be because she is younger.

YANBU.

You will do yourself a MASSIVE favour here by sticking to your guns. It sounds as if things are shaping up here to get messy, and the best thing you can do in advance is to set a precedent - 1. when you say something, you mean it and you aren't afraid of upsetting her and certainly have no time for sulking; 2. no, you don't drop plans for MIL, she is secondary to your family and what plans YOU have with your children; 3. you won't allow biases in interaction, and if she's going to play favourites, she will be pulled up on it and will not see your DC if she can't manage that behaviour.

She is starting to play favourites. This is really damaging, to her relationships with the children as well as theirs with each other and the world around them. Silly too, as your DD will soon dislike Granny's dismissal of her brother and feel uncomfortable with it all.

You need to confront her. No, tomorrow doesn't work. Which day can she do? None? Ok then, we'll try and see you all together some day and do something special one afternoon. She can do another day with DD? Great, what about one-on-one time with DS? She wasn't planning to? Why not? No, it's not girls all together. Let's get this straight now. You can see already that she's starting to favour DD and you might as well be plain - you're not going to allow that to happen. Either they visit together, or if you want one-on-one time, you do it for both. You don't like favouritism and you aren't going to allow it. No discussion. Incidentally, MIL, you do realise the most likely outcome is that you'll find DD soon won't want to spend time with you if her brother is excluded, and will soon think less of you?

Enjoy your day. She has to learn that she can't expect you to change plans to suit her.

I think Sylvanians (hello there, fellow Sylvanian!) is right, you really must stick to your guns in this situation.

You've already got something planned. Stay pleasant but just repeat that. If she sulks, she sulks. Can't DH deal with her, since it's his mother?

You will do yourself a MASSIVE favour here by sticking to your guns. It sounds as if things are shaping up here to get messy, and the best thing you can do in advance is to set a precedent - 1. when you say something, you mean it and you aren't afraid of upsetting her and certainly have no time for sulking; 2. no, you don't drop plans for MIL, she is secondary to your family and what plans YOU have with your children; 3. you won't allow biases in interaction, and if she's going to play favourites, she will be pulled up on it and will not see your DC if she can't manage that behaviour.

excellent advice here, very well put

What does your DH say about how MIL is acting?

Your the parent not her, tell her sorry that wont work and dont compromise otherwise she will end up running the show not you