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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to charge dd everytime i have to throw away food

50 replies

AdmiralCLingus · 29/03/2015 10:42

dd is 3. Its getting ridiculous now how frequently food is getting thrown away. She will ask for something, take a bite and then say she doesnt want it.

I think she needs to learn that food costs money. HMRC have stopped my tax credits so we now have £7 a week to buy food with and I just cant keep throwing food away!

So wibu to take 50p out of her money box for every meal that goes in the bin?

OP posts:

Inertia · 29/03/2015 11:24

At 3 she won't understand.

Agree with other posters - are you definitely getting everything you should? That is a frighteningly low food budget, no wonder it's stressful.

Giving tiny portions is the way forward - you can always give more if she is still hungry.

HoraceCope · 29/03/2015 11:25

what about a chopped up carrot? at least that can be used if uneaten, raisins?

Yarp · 29/03/2015 11:26

Give her a tiny amount on her plate at a time. 3 year olds are overwhelmed by large portions

Also, if you are giving her a big reaction every time she refuses something, you may be inadvertently rewarding her for her negativity

LittleBearPad · 29/03/2015 11:27

Money is meaningless to her. It will make no difference whatsoever.

Give her smaller portions. If she wants cereal give her a couple of spoonfuls with milk or give it dry and you can keep what she doesn't eat for another time.

ZenNudist · 29/03/2015 11:27

Don't give her food except at set times. If she's a poor eater then maybe little and often the way to go.

We follow nursery who do:
breakfast 730
Toast 9-930
Lunchtime from 11, if I'm running late then move toast to 11am and lunch from 12
snack time 3.30
tea from 5

I hate food waste and my two are good eaters. I serve smaller portions onto their plates and save rest for later if it's not eaten. It generally is eaten.

Don't turn meals into a battleground of introduce punishments for food not eaten (losing money means little to a 3yo). I think the advice is always to not comment if they don't eat but then make them wait til next set meal/snack time,

You can also offer the uneaten snack again if she doesn't eat it first time.

Also I wouldn't offer cereal as a snack between meals for a 3yo.

I very much sympathise.

pictish · 29/03/2015 11:29

Of course yabu! She's three!!

My dd eats little and often. Her portions are tiny, as she gets overwhelmed with a plateful and just can't deal.

Give her far less at a time, and leave that money box alone!

Yarp · 29/03/2015 11:30

A big thing that improved my DS1s appetite was to only give small drinks after food. Even a small amount of water, juice or milk would totally destroy his appetite. We are talking mealtimes here.

ahbollocks · 29/03/2015 11:31

What has happened to your tax credits? You need to keep on at them because thatnot right.

pictish · 29/03/2015 11:32

Yes...if there's juice/water/milk there too early, they can guzzle it down and feel full.

Debinaround · 29/03/2015 11:32

My 3 year old is exactly the same. Tells me he is hungry and his tummy is rumbling, then when I give him the apple/jam and bread/ whatever he has a little bite then leaves the rest!

I was going to find out if anyone round mine needs a 3year old chimney sweep. He can work for food

Hope you get your money sorted

JeanSeberg · 29/03/2015 11:35

On another point, how much does she have in savings? No point in you living on £7 a week if she's got eg £100 in savings from birthdays etc. Pay her back in better times.

sumoweeble · 29/03/2015 11:36

lol! Would she care? My 5.5 year old has no clue about money. I relate to the frustration though. It is sooooo annoying when they don't eat. I think it does sound like you need to remember she's 3 and this is very normal though.

How come the finances are so dire? Will the tax credits be reinstated or is there more money due to come in soon from other sources? Have you got a plan to sort it out? At the risk of stating the obvious £7 a week is quite simply not enough to buy food...

sumoweeble · 29/03/2015 11:37

Yes, totally agree, jean. Use her savings, definitely. Survival until you can sort the finances is the name of the game here.

TywysogesGymraeg · 29/03/2015 11:37

Since when did 3 year olds get to chose what they eat?

Agree with posters who suggest giving her tiny amounts and saving what's not eaten for next time. I throw next to no food away, and I'm not on a restricted budget.

Littlemonstersrule · 29/03/2015 12:09

YABVU.

For a start, birthday money given to your DD is meant for her to have nice treats with. You as the parent should be providing food, why would you think she should pay for it? She will have no concept of waste nor money.

Give her smaller meals and top up if she eats it.

BankWadger · 29/03/2015 12:25

Big hugs Ads. You already know the answer, but it doesn't stop a crappy money situation from being stressful.

I also agree if things get really tight to borrow some money for food from DD's piggy bank been there done that.

BastardGoDarkly · 29/03/2015 12:53

Bollocks. What sane person would leave money sitting there, when struggling to feed a child? Ridiculous. All very well saying 'it's the parents job to provide food' if you haven't been there I guess you wouldn't know, what use are days out if your kid's hungry?

(Sorry Ads )

Debinaround · 29/03/2015 13:10

I've done it. You feel shit but you shouldn't, the kids don't know or care.

I bet you have taken your DD out and treated her to hundreds of pounds worth of trips out and toys/clothes. So what if the money you hand over is not the exact note or coin that was handed to your DD? I'm sure she has everything she needs so if you have to borrow a bit of birthday money until you get sorted just do it. Like I say I would and have.

hiccupgirl · 29/03/2015 13:17

My DS (5) does this given half the chance. So I don't give him the chance anymore.

If he asks for something to eat he gets a tiny portion to start with and then I give him more if he eats it all and is still hungry. He has to eat a reasonable amount of what he has asked for before he is allowed something else. Yes, he used to scream and kick off about it at 3 but now he accepts that's how it is - when he asks why he can't have loads I tell him it's because he often doesn't eat very much but he can have more if he finishes what he's been given. He really isn't big eater though unless he's having a growth spurt and would much rather graze all day than eat big meals.

Branleuse · 29/03/2015 13:26

it must be really frustrating and worrying for you to have so little money to spend on food.

most children do this though to some extent, or they go through phases of it.

I think if you stick to meal times when she is genuinely hungry, and not just when she says she wants something, it will help her to eat everything. Cereal is particularly annoying, because if it isnt eaten right away it is wasted, whereas cold toast for example, could still be eaten an hour later if necessary. Or give cereal in very small amounts, but dry, as a snack.

I hope you get your tax credits sorted out soon. That level of poverty is no fun and its such a challenge.

If you have no money to buy food though, and your dd has loads of money in her moneybox, I wouldnt feel too bad about borrowing some, or even nicking a tenner, but i wouldnt think fining her would do any good at all.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 29/03/2015 13:27

She's only 3!!! She isn't going to understand about money.

I do sympathise with your cash problems. That is a really small amount left for food.

Some good suggestions about portions size on here. Give them a go.

PUGaLUGS · 29/03/2015 13:29

I thought you were going to moan about a teenager not a toddler fgs.

PurpleSwift · 29/03/2015 13:37

If she's only eating two or three spoonfuls then only serve her that. Yabu

liveloveluggage · 29/03/2015 13:38

I agree with the others about using your dds money for food if you are short, good food is more important for her if money is that tight and hopefully pay her back later when you can.

BankWadger · 29/03/2015 13:46

Do you know what. A day will come soon when your darling child will go and help herself to food that you planned to last several days, making it last 1 sitting. You'll wish for the eating like a sparrow days then.

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