To not see what we have done wrong and to be a little weirded out!

[Sugarfreeriot]

DP called his parents this morning to arrange meeting tomorrow to move our stuff out of one their garages. Mil was in the background asking what we were doing, what dp wanted and if we wanted to come round for a cup of tea. I saw mil 4 times this week, she took dd all day and night last Saturday (at her request) and dp saw his parents twice last week. We are seeing them tomorrow too but mil wasn't backing off- unfortunately for her we just genuinely had plans today to take dd swimming and to get my hair cut before we took dd to a play area,, we told mil that we will catch up tomorrow and thought that was that. She then proceeded to basically text dp saying she happened to decide she was spending the afternoon at the shopping centre (one she never visits and is pretty far from her house) that I get my hair done. Unfortunately for her we got this text after realising the swimming Pool next to the shopping centre was closed, so we had cancelled my apt to take dd swimming elsewhere. Mil now very upset she's driven all that way to meet us (without telling us until she got there) and saying that dp doesn't respect her or want to see her blah blah blah.
Were we wrong here? And is it not a bit odd to after being told we can't meet up to follow us to where we are basically giving us no option but to spend the day with her?
Fil also expressed to dp on the phone that he was much lookig forward to relaxing this afternoon as they've had his parents all week- so it's obvious to poor man wanted a break he's never got (he was happy to have some time without a crazy 2 year old running about and made it clear on the phone).

Batshit/ insecure. Mixture of both maybe.
She should understand, being a mother herself but clearly she doesn't. We don't get much time as a family at all with dps work, my work and all the other crap life throws at you. It's tough, she seems to be in a parallel universe.
It really is that the more we give the more she wants which is a shame, because it just means nothing Is ever enough and that's exhausting and depressing.

She sounds fairly wretched to me!

My top tip is to be super vague about plans and planned whereaboutses

Eg "might go swimming, not sure which pool, might nip to the stables, looking forwards to seeing you Sunday, okay bye"

mango you're right. Must remember this.

Op it doesn't sound as though you and DH seeing the ILs everyday would be enough for them (well, MIL)! On that basis I would agree with DH exactly how much time you want to share with them and come up with a regular visit date each week or fortnight and stick to it. Also, per Mango, be very vague re your own plans. At least then you get the chance to have some family time of your own. YANBU. MIL IBVVVUR!

I hear there are jobs in Australia.

Run, run like the wind and don't look back.

I think YANBU and have totally been in the same boat. I constantly need to put boundaries on with MIL. Most recently after she came to our house unannounced, we were not in but our next door neighbour was out in their garden and told her we had just left to go to the local pub for a carvery, so she turned up at the pub and joined us for lunch?
I think it's 50% the nature of their family way, my parents live in another country and are not like that, so I find it way too much. And 50% that she's lonely - her and FIL haven't got on well for years and since all the kids have flown the nest she is quite lost.
Sorry this isn't so much advice but letting you know you're not alone!