AIBU to think my DD is going to lose interest and think fuck it

[sharonthewaspandthewineywall]

She has tried out since she started in September for : netball
Basketball
Cheerleading
Football

And got into none of the teams. Now I'm not suggesting for a minute my precious little snowflake should never be dissapointed and get her own way all the time. But she really tries and seems to get nowhere and it's starting to affect her self confidence and belief.

AIBU and 'that' mum?

Well none of us like to see our children disappointed but the list is all very sporty which might not be her individual strength. Would she consider a different type of activity?

Tried out for drama club also forgot to say

Yanbu. Especially if it is knocking her confidence, but you also don't want her to not try new things. I am in the same position with my dd. Tried so many things, but bless her, not been good at it. Dance, running, keep fit club, drama. She has seemed to stick with gymnastics tho. Maybe take her to a group where she doesn't have to be 'picked' and she can just have a go.

How old is she? Are there no clubs accessible to all abilities?

e.g. DS1 who is truly awful at ball games has been invited to join a sports club just for boys like him. He also plays in the wind band that is for all-comers, but you need an invitation to play in the jazz band.

I suppose it's natural that the teams should be made up of the best performers and in a large school that will mean only a tiny % get a chance but there should be lots of extracurricular activities that are open to everyone.

Why not back off with all the extra curricular stuff for the time being.
I tried every club going with my two when they were that age but nothing gelled. Eventually I gave up. Later on they found their own things themselves and to be honest what they picked and have stayed with is things that I never envisaged. Ds1 and 2 are still doing these activities and DS1 left school 3 years ago and is working!

So only a certain amount can go to drama club? Sounds a bit harsh if she's keen.

Is it a high achieving school? At my DCs school if you turn up, you're on the team, although if there are loads turning up, you won't be in every match/game.

What are her strengths? Is sport her best area?

I would be speaking to the PE staff to point out that she's having her confidence knocked.

Flip chart I've not pushed her or encouraged her to do any activities- it's all of her own choosing

She's 10 btw

I don't get she "tried out for drama club" and what happened- dodn't she get in? All drama clubs I have know accept all children,

Why not try something non- competive, something like dance or gymnastics.

10? Is this a state school?

My 9yo is on teams, just for turning up. In one sport she's not very good, but because the other players are really good, the team win the tournaments and she has many trophies and medals, and has really done amazing things for her self esteem. . It has done DD the world of good, and she thinks she will become a professional in this sport. .

You are not being precious in wanting your DD to participate, and represent her school. Even if she is rubbish like my DD, she should be allowed to have a go.

My DS tried (and failed) at all sorts of things. I did my best to encourage but not overstep my bounds. Once he found his niche (science and technology) and joined the robotics team at his school (open to all comers, but to become part of the competitive team you must show dedication and ability) he flourished.

This year will be his third year in the team and they have been regional or higher champions. Not everyone is sporty - but there is a "thing" for everyone. Perhaps your DD's "thing" isn't at school...

Does the school not have clubs that include these activities, or does she have to join an actual team?

My DC's schools have teams but clubs also where all abilities are welcome.

Are there no clubs that she can join without having to audition? Seems a bit rubbish if not. I'm all for competition for sports teams etc. but I think there should be at least some inclusive activities!

I'd go with getting her to decide which activity she enjoys and join a club. Often the kids who get picked for school teams are the ones who practice that sport a lot and go to clubs for it. School teachers can be very blinkered though and not spot where a child has a skill in a particular area if they aren't generally sporty. My kids got on better with sports clubs at secondary school when the PE teachers were more flexible with after school sports clubs and as well as the core team had extra interested students who came to practice and they rotated the kids. They usually took extra ones to matches as well and rotated them so they all got a go although the better ones got longer.
Joining local hockey/ athletics teams etc made a huge difference though. They both had fun in the local cycling club as well going on mountain bike rides on Saturday morning and occasionally visiting the velodrome.