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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Night out post baby

36 replies

piazilla · 27/03/2015 13:31

I have a 4 month old pfb. Last night I went to a comedy gig with a friend for about 4 hours - my first night out since baby was born . We live overseas , so have no family support. I went home for a month when ds was about ten weeks old for medical reasons , so dh got his couple of nights out with friends etc while we were gone.
Sitting here with a mild hangover today ( doesn't take much) and dh has announced that he would like to go out tonight with mates. I'm feeling narked about it cos he is not with the baby 24/7 and already had a month of having the choice and freedom to do what he likes. However I feel like, due to the fact that I've just been on a night out , that I can't really object! I'm pissed off he is even considering it!! Aibu? Don't be mean about it if I am - I genuinely can't figure out how to feel about this one!

OP posts:
championnibbler · 27/03/2015 17:34

I would let him go out and i wouldn't say anything.
he definitely does smack a bit of: "That's great now. She got her night out last night so i'll just skin out tonight with the lads".
sounds like he needs to get a bit more involved in the family that he helped create.

MrsHathaway · 27/03/2015 18:29

A lot of us have been there!

Apart from anything that is directly related to maternity leave or bf (or example) parenting is supposed to be a joint effort. That means spontaneously sniffing the air and taking DS off for a nappy change, or wondering aloud whether a walk in the pram to the shops mightn't make him nap and do we need anything while we're there.

SAHPs tend to have that inner monologue all day long, and I don't think those who haven't SAHed know how exhausting that can be.

If you say he's a goodun, you should be able to tell him how this change of identity is making you feel. If he's a goodun he'll want to make adjustments to his life.

In many ways it's good you're going through this now - I must admit I was 4 months into DC3 before having a similar conversation with DH. All that pointless misery for all that time.

Original poster
piazilla · 27/03/2015 23:12

Well I bloody think it's time for a chat now! It's past 3am where I am , he is still not home - no word from him all night - just called him , have been drunkenly informed that he won't be home yet , will be stopping for food. Our ds gets his vaccinations tomorrow and if the last ones are anything to go by, will be like a briar because of them. Dh will not be fit for anything. Is this still bloody spiteful??? I am actually so pissed off he is so bananas - it's not fair on so many levelsHmm

OP posts:
Littlecaf · 28/03/2015 02:53

Piazilla - did he get home ok? While I think it's ok for him to have a night out, he needs to be responsible for his DC the next day. It's selfish to expect you to do that automatically.

SAHPs tend to have that inner monologue all day long, and I don't think those who haven't SAHed know how exhausting that can be.

Littlecaf · 28/03/2015 03:01

Sorry, posted too soon!

SAHPs tend to have that inner monologue all day long, and I don't think those who haven't SAHed know how exhausting that can be.

This is so true sometimes!

Original poster
piazilla · 28/03/2015 03:26

He got home fine ... But sat down and calmly told me I was holding him back and that he had a business offer tonight that he turned down because it would've been to much of a problem to be out until 9 every night. He was punch drunk and kept losing his train of thought , but basically told me he was being held back in life by me.
He is currently snoring in the spare room and I can't even be at arsed to wake him to come with me to the doctors for vaccines. I am so sickened by him when he gets like this. Difference is, no there is a baby to think about.Hmm

OP posts:
MisterDobalina · 28/03/2015 04:17

You're holding him back? What the fuck's that about then? Is this because you're wanting a co-parent, or something else? I would be absolutely livid, OP! I hope you're ok.

BananaDrama34 · 28/03/2015 06:03

I am in almost the same situation. Nearly 4 month old pfb, haven't had a night out since she was born. DH works FT and is out around 2 nights a week (1 work & 1 hobby). My problem is, when DH is home of an evening, baby screams for me as soon as he has her which basically means it's me & her all the time during the week (she's ok for people to hold her during the day!!Confused). OP, although I think YABU, I do understand why you feel the way you do.

ApocalypseThen · 28/03/2015 07:40

but basically told me he was being held back in life by me

Did you subconsciously intuit that that's how he feels and could that be the actual reason you felt there was something you didn't like about him going out?

MrsHathaway · 28/03/2015 08:18

Oh sweetheart. What a hateful thing to say. Don't let him blame you for his inadequacies and cowardice.

Have a lovely day with your baby and lots of cuddles. Leave Drunky Drunkerson in his pit.

Later, when baby is asleep and he's sober, calmly ask him if he meant it. Irally hope he didn't and was being drunkenly melodramatic.

championnibbler · 30/03/2015 13:41

that's horrible.
Sad
'in vino veritas' and all that.
is it time to bail do you think?
i do

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