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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say that I don't want ILs to visit at this time?

58 replies

Welshmaenad · 27/03/2015 13:09

Long story vv short - I have a difficult relationship with ILs, they are very disinterested in our lives and the DCs. Many stories I could tell but I don't want to bore you! Wink

They visit 2-3 times a year for 2-3 days at a time. They're very high needs and rather than viewing these visits as an opportunity to spend time with the DC and be involved in our lives they require constant entertaining - days out to 'destinations', meals out, etc. MIL is a fussy eater and catering for her is a headache. They can be very rude and I end up biting my tongue till it bleeds to attempt to keep the peace. I generally find their visits stressful, exhausting and unenjoyable but usually just grin and bear as I want the DC to gave a relationship with their grandparents.

However, they want to come in the Easter holidays and it's just too much. My mum died on Good Friday last year and I'm really struggling with the impending anniversary, especially as we will always now have two - good Friday and the actual date. I'm struggling with the fact that my wonderful mum is gone and my kids are stuck with the rubbish grandmother whose interest in them is minimal. I can't see that being improved by her presence. In addition I've been quite ill and am struggling with keeping up with Uni work - I have four essays to write over Easter and am barely coping with kids, housework and studying, never mind all the additional work their visit will bring (they stay in a hotel but there is food, and extra cleaning as mil is hypercritical).

I just don't want them here. I want peace and quiet, time to study, some family time. No firm plans have yet been made or anything booked. WIBU to ask dh to ask them to come later in the year? Or if they do insist on coming, WIBU to tell dh that he's responsible for cleaning to her standards and feeding them whilst they're here, and that I will not be trotting off on day trips but staying home to do some studying in peace? I don't know if either option is U or not because I'm obviously biased by finding them such hard bloody work and always dreading their visits!

OP posts:
Welshmaenad · 29/03/2015 21:23

They kennel the cunt of a dog when they visit, but I know how they operate, they'd sgree to kennel it then they would arrive and dog would be there and it would be "oh poor dog, he hates kennels, we'll keep him shut in the kitchen" then it would be "oh poor dog is lovely, we'll just let him out for a bit" and next thing, one of my children will be missing flesh from a hand. Doubly so if I'm not there to police them. They used to bring it down despite me saying it couldn't come in the house so it didn't eat my cats or bite a child, and they would grudgingly leave it in the car then would tell the DC "oh poor dog, he's so sad and lonely in the car but mean Mummy won't let him come in".

They phoned tonight (unheard of to break Friday call protocol, I thought someone had died!) claiming to have had a missed call from dh. At a time his phone was locked in his locker when he was at work. Then started in again about visiting at Easter - the boy shut them down good, though Grin

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CrapBag · 29/03/2015 23:25

So good to hear of a DH willing to stand up for his wife's wishes!

Sorry for your loss OP, that alone would be reason enough to not want these horrors visiting right now. Are they going to let this go? Or are the going to keep banging on about when they can come? My MIL is a bit like this, if she gets an answer she doesn't want, she'll persist in other ways.

lertgush · 30/03/2015 00:57

He's getting laid tonight AND a pickaxe.

He's a lucky man :-)

lertgush · 30/03/2015 00:58

He's getting laid tonight AND a pickaxe.

He's a lucky man :-)

highkickindandy · 30/03/2015 01:06

There's no risk of them just turning up anyway is there ?
That recent phone call and the behaviour with the dog makes them sound a tad manipulative and likely to just do what they want regardless......
Not trying to wind you up, just wondering if you need to be on your guard - hope I'm wrong of course.

textfan · 30/03/2015 01:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LindyHemming · 30/03/2015 06:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Welshmaenad · 30/03/2015 14:13

Nah, they won't turn up unannounced unless they've eatablished dh is off. They know if it's just me I'll tell them to fuck off as we has plans. He's usually more eager to please them than me - I'm so chuffed he's stood up to them for me!

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