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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not settling into nursery should I give up?

16 replies

Havingabaddayx200 · 27/03/2015 10:52

Aibu to give up on nursery after 4 visits?? Posting here for traffic. My son who is 2 is goin to being going to nursery 2 days a week, he went last week for 2 settling in sessions. One I stayed the other I left him for an hour, this week he went yesterday and today for 3 hours, he hated it this week?! Crying when I left upset the whole time he was there. Really upset not like a tantrum, I feel so bad for him I dunno what to do im starting a new job and I really want him to enjoy going to nursery and be happy to be there, how long will this last when will he like it and realise I'm coming back? How can I help him settle in better!?

OP posts:
KeepSmiling83 · 27/03/2015 10:57

It's only been 4 days so I would give it a bit longer. My DD did 4 days a week and it still took her a while to settle in so the fact he is only there 2 days a week means it will probably take a little bit longer.

My DD is 3.5 now and only does 4 half days as I am PT now and she still has days when she doesn't want to go in but I know she likes it when she is there.

What are your other options if you will be at work? Obviously you know your child best but I would say to give it a bit longer before making a decision.

ReallyNotMe · 27/03/2015 11:00

DD took 5 weeks to settle (going 2 half days a week) so I would say persevere. The last difficult session was the worst, she didn't cry as much but started shaking uncontrollably when I passed her over! I decided then that enough was enough but when I went back to get her she was laughing and playing. The next time I took her she smiled when I dropped her off :)

Saying that though the first nursery I took her too I cancelled after one session as I wasn't happy with it. The next one I had a good feeling about so really wanted her to keep going.

WanderingTrolley1 · 27/03/2015 11:04

My DS, 2, took 6 weeks to settle. He does 5 days.

I'd leave him every morning crying, but persisted and now he doesn't cry.

It's heartbreaking, but keep on!

Nolim · 27/03/2015 11:06

As others have said 4 days is a short time. Do you like the nursery or are there other concerns?

nochocolateforlentteacake · 27/03/2015 11:06

Its very early days. How many sessions a week does he go?

Usually nurseries will ask you do a cheery kiss-and-go with little ones as they tend to pick up anxiety from the parents. If you are starting a new job and really wanting him to settle in, then you have pressure on you, and will feel guilty that he isn't settling in quickly.

What does your Key Person say? There's usually a procedure they go through for new starts - but will he had a longish holiday over easter?

Original poster
Havingabaddayx200 · 27/03/2015 11:07

I could get family to have him but it would mean them having to commit to it and I don't want to put pressure on them to do it I just hope starts to like it soon thank for ur replies xx

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Original poster
Havingabaddayx200 · 27/03/2015 11:13

I like the nursery no other concerns, I just hate the thought of him crying for me and I'm not there, I'm cheery when I leave, the nursery said some kids just take longer to settle and that he's had a few good moments when there and they tell me what things they have been trying to do when him when he's there to make him happy see what he likes, xx

OP posts:
spoonjarjarspoonjar · 27/03/2015 11:21

I think you need to keep going for longer. My DS was the same and was not really sure about it for a couple of weeks. Sometimes I would find him crying when I went to pick him up. It just took him time to get used to the routine and the new people.

He loves it now and he gets really cross with me when I go to pick him up because he wants to stay!

Chaby · 27/03/2015 11:26

if you are happy with the nursery i would persevere. My ds was the same at first and it broke my heart. after a month he was fine and he LOVES going to nursery now.

Original poster
Havingabaddayx200 · 27/03/2015 11:29

Thanks for all your replies I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that it will b ok, he's goin for 3 short sessions again next week not full days to see how he gets on, I feel guilty like its my fault he's upset because I got a new job but it's a much better job than my last one just hope ive made the right choice xx

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Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/03/2015 11:37

O.P. As you know All this is perfectly normal. He doesn't know these people. Of course he's going to cry. Although that's the strange thing about it, some children don't cry, do they.
I would Advize you not to give up after 4 dAys. If he's still not settled after 4 months then that's probably telling you he's not reAdy for nursery. Not all children are ready for it. Hence why it's not compulsAry.

missymayhemsmum · 27/03/2015 18:39

I'd try it for a bit longer, he'll probably adapt, but have a think about plan B. He might settle better with a childminder, or maybe family could care for him with a plan to restart nursery when he's 3?

buildmeabuttercup · 27/03/2015 19:14

I felt like this. My dd cried every drop off and on and off throughout the day. She started in january and by February I said i was taking her out because I couldn't leave her crying anymore.

Keyworker said give it a little bit more time and now she has just done a full week of going straight in, happy and no tears and she loves it. Dont give up just yet.

Minkybinkyboo · 27/03/2015 19:15

It is heart breaking when they cry but my daughter only gives a little wail now as I walk away and she has a lovely time for the rest of the day.

callamia · 27/03/2015 19:27

For us, it got better every day. It took a few weeks though. He cried when I left for the first month, but generally those tears lasted just a few minutes. That was nothing compared to what we've got out of him going... He has little friends, he does loads of lovely (messy) things and he loves it. It's so lovely to watch him there. I wouldn't give up for a while, but consider settling in more slowly if you need to.

Original poster
Havingabaddayx200 · 27/03/2015 22:50

Thanks for all your replies, I'm goin to keep trying and if it doesn't work out I have the plan b my family so we will see how it goes, I want him to make little friends and have fun there so here's hopping it works out xx

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