To not tell him?

[GuiltyConscience123]

Hi everyone, I've been lurking for a couple of weeks but finally built up the confidence to register and post!

My OH and I have been together for about 4 months and everything is going great, but a few weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. We chatted about it for a long long time and we decided together that we're going to have an abortion. The main reason for this was because of our age and that we are both due to go to University later this year.

The area I need some advice in is that I had an abortion about two years ago, and at that time I promised myself that if I ever got pregnant again I would keep it, so having to do it all over again is really upsetting me. I don't want to tell OH about the first abortion. I feel bad keeping it from him and I think it might help him understand why I'm finding it so hard if I told him.

So what I'm wondering is, has anyone else been in the situation of having to tell their partner about a previous abortion, and did you? Did it have any affect on the relationship?

I'm not entirely sure why you think you should tell him.

It is your personal private medical history.

(Disclaimer you may not wish to listen to me given that I'm so fixated on medical confidentiallity that I had a TOP without telling my BF)

Do you see yourself having a long term future with this guy, or is it more likely that it's a starter relationship? Are you planning to go to the same university or different ones? If the former in both cases I'd tell him as you won't then end up keeping it secret for years. If the latter, I wouldn't bother, it's your private business.

As for the promise to yourself, that's something that has to be reviewed in context. I once vowed I'd never get married or have kids and I changed my mind on both when I decided each was actually the right thing for me to do. Do you want this child, right now, and can you cope with a child? That's the question you need to answer. Anything in the past is in the past.

I'm with pp. Are you in love? Is this The One? If you don't feel comfortable sharing such an important event with him (which it sounds like you're unsure) then it might be time to abort the relationship too.

Or, be honest with yourself, talk to him and open a new phase of honesty. Trust me, it is liberating. Holding secrets from someone who holds you at night can be damaging.

If you decide to tell him, take it slow and BE HONEST. Say you're scared how he'll take it, you didn't mention it sooner because you didn't recognise how much the first meant to you etc. that way, he knows you, who you are and how you became you. If he doesn't stay, you keep your self respect intact. But if that were the case he'd have shown his true colours and you're better of rid.

PS. I only met The One when I let my guard down and was honest. Funny how now relationships before that didn't last... But the others didn't know who I was because I couldn't explain how I've been shaped by past experiences. I hoped for the best but prepared for the worst. Now together 10 years with 2xDD.

So, I hope he treats you well. You've been through some very difficult challenges. But you're still young so please know, regardless of the outcome The One exists. Being honest is important. And being careful!!!!

Don't feel you need to tell him. Some things just don't need to be shared, unless you are changing your mind and then you can help explain why.