AIBU: arranging a funeral in the middle of the week, miles from family

[CakeLady1]

So a relative has been ill for a while, and on her way out for the past month, and it is sad to see her go - truly is and I want to go and pay my respects at the funeral.
As soon as I found out she was in a hospice, my boss (in a job I am new to) kindly let me have the day off to drive 5 hours each way to go and visit her.
Now it has come to arranging the funeral, her immediate family have booked it for a Wednesday. The middle of the week. It'll be another exhausting day and emotionally difficult - AIBU to think they should've considered (not me, but many other) family who are travelling significant distances (near London to near Edinburgh) and those with little ones to consider, and booked it for a day adjoining a weekend?

Cakelady as difficult as it is, it isn't always possible to pick a slot.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

funerals are a nightmare to organise tbh. I expect everyone wants Mondays or Fridays.

You don't always get a choice...availability of crematorium etc. sorry for your loss but I think YABU.

Cakelady I'm sorry for your loss. The harsh fact is that the funeral director will have obtained the first possible date for the burial/cremation. Picking a slot simply isn't an option. If you simply can't manage the funeral please don't beat yourself up, you paid your respects whilst they were still living.

Sorry for your loss, but death doesn't go on a schedule. How would it be possible for funerals to all be on a Saturday? Again I'm sorry for you, but if it's at a crematorium then (in scotland) they are tight for times.

Fair enough... Thanks for the viewpoints. I've never organised one so didn't realise how tough it can be for scheduling.
Take care everyone xx

Here we bury people two days after they die unless very exceptional circumstances! So by those standards you have no choice.

I am so sorry.

Yes I am afraid availability of minister, how busy the undertaker is and so on informs the time/date of funeral.

Can you do the biggest chunk by budget airline? We attended a friend's funeral (outside London, from outside Glasgow) in one day, with lifts from friends at the London end.

I'm sorry for your loss, you sound very caring and did a lovely thing to go such a long way for a visit whilst your relative was alive.

As others have said, when arranging a funeral, you are usually given a date or slot, rather than being able to choose one. It is quite usual to have them on weekdays, although it is sometimes possible to have one at weekends, but less commonly done IME.

When MIL died in early December last year, we ended up having to have the funeral on the 23rd, because we had to have a certain amount of time to write the letters notifying everyone, then a whole week was ruled out because of previous commitments (2 university exams, and the dog having a vital appointment at the vet hospital - one that couldn't be rescheduled without leaving her in pain for another month or more).

We knew it was a difficult day to choose, because it was so close to Christmas, but the alternative would have been to postpone the service until after Christmas, leaving MIL at the funeral director's - we couldn't do that.

OP - I am so sorry for your loss.

Yes, as others have said, you get what day you are given. I have arranged both of my parents' funerals and, around here at least, you have to wait two weeks to get a decent time slot (somewhere between 10am & 3pm), let alone on a specific day of the week.

Also, there will never be a date and time that is convenient for the entire extended family. Often, the immediate family will just have to go with what works best for them out of the limited choices available. That is what we had to do, but we also completely understood if people couldn't make it.

I'm sorry for your loss and FWIW, if you can only make that trip once, I think it's probably more important that you saw your relative whilst they were alive & knew you were there.

My dad died last month. The earliest date we were offered for funeral was 2.5 weeks after he died. But that was a Wednesday, so we ended up going for the Friday in light of number of out of town guests. It meant a 3 week gap between death and funeral though, such a long time to wait.

Could you drive one leg after work Tuesday and then back the next day to break it up a bit?