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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with my DD and her BF for talking at a concert.

26 replies

FuriousDad · 25/03/2015 23:05

NC'd for this although not sure why!

My dd plays in the local orchestra and they had an end of term concert tonight. Basically it's a showcase of numerous ensembles, bands, orchestras etc. She plays for a few of them and when she's finished joins us in the audience. The members range from 11 to 19 years.

Her bf came along tonight and all was fine until she finished and joined us, and all they did was chat, laugh and mess about. I realise they're children but I was fuming at the lack of respect. Everyone was silent when she was playing but it all went out the bloody window. I know parents are sensitive to their children but a few others were turning round so it definitely wasn't just me.

I told them three times to keep it down, by which point I was so bloody angry that I stopped in fear of creating more of a scene and halting the performance.

We drove all the way home in complete silence and now my wife is cross with me as I don't want to talk to my dd right this moment. I daren't as I think I'll blow up and make things worse. I'd much rather cool off and discuss in the morning.

AIBU to ground her for a week and refuse to take him again. I feel like giving him an ear full too but am not sure that's a good idea.

OP posts:
cariadlet · 25/03/2015 23:06

I'd be fuming too. How old is she?

Salmotrutta · 25/03/2015 23:10

I'm not surprised you are angry - very rude and disrespectful behaviour.

Original poster
FuriousDad · 25/03/2015 23:10

She's 14 and should know better.

It's never happened before and I still can't believe I had to treat her like a 5 year old.

But I'm so angry that I can't even tell if I'm overreacting.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 25/03/2015 23:10

I'd be angry too. They were very rude.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 25/03/2015 23:14

YANBU. It was really rude of her and she's old enough to know better.

It would really bug me too.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 25/03/2015 23:19

14 is more than old enough to realise that behaviour is unacceptable so YANBU to be cross. A serious talk tomorrow is called for. Personally I'd steer clear of "never taking the bf along again" declarations - so far this is a one off incident and hormones plus the adrenaline of performing can make adults do silly things let alone teenagers. IMO she should be on a warning but not ultimate sanctions yet Smile.

DoJo · 25/03/2015 23:22

YADNBU - talking at a concert, any kind of concert, loudly enough to disturb other audience members is a complete no-no in my book, but talking through other performances when she had enjoyed the respect of others whilst performing is absolutely outrageous. I think you should definitely refuse to take him again and grounding sounds reasonable if that's a punishment that would work on her!

MidniteScribbler · 25/03/2015 23:23

Very rude and she's old enough to know better. The lack of respect by ignoring you three times would make me even more futopia though. She should only need to be told once.

MidniteScribbler · 25/03/2015 23:24

Futopia? Wtf iPhone?? FURIOUS! Furious! What the hell sort of word is Futopia?

Original poster
FuriousDad · 25/03/2015 23:27

Thanks for appealing to my rational side!

I knew I was doing the right thing by sleeping on it as I was about to throw the kitchen sink at her. But you're right, I need to think about it before launching into one.

Much appreciated Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
FuriousDad · 25/03/2015 23:31

Lol at futopia Grin that's cheered me up. These phones are the bane of modern life!

Is that even a word?

OP posts:
2Retts · 25/03/2015 23:36

I can't add anything to the pp's helpful input, especially mrsmalcolmreynolds suggestion about warnings v ultimate sanctions. You're right to cool down before that particular chat too.

Love the auto-correct on MidniteScribbler's post; futopia - the near perfect community of purely passive agressive folk and I did not post purely to comment on that ingenious new word Grin

Quangle · 25/03/2015 23:44

I think I actually live in Futopia.

Original poster
FuriousDad · 26/03/2015 00:07

No worries 2Retts any posts welcome here Smile

Great description of futopia too.

What a great sounding new word.

WIBU to steal it for my new username?

Would need Midnite's permission though.

OP posts:
2Retts · 26/03/2015 00:50

Quick FuriousDad, steal it; it's not even a 'real' word yet give it ten minutes for a daily mail reporter to steal it, steal it first! (Midnite will understand).

MidniteScribbler · 26/03/2015 02:39

Futopia sounds like somewhere I would move to 2Rhetts :)

Hehe we could have a plethora of new usernames:

FutopiaDad, MidniteInTheGardenofFutopia.......

FutopiaDad · 26/03/2015 05:51
Grin

Much more amicable than stealing. Sharing is caring and all that Wink

Tinofroses · 26/03/2015 06:04

I was at something recently and was pleased to see my teenagers not chatting during performances. However during my dd performance a group of mums and grandmas started up a big chat and they were so loud. I got so wound up that while dd got ready for second song I went over and said imagine your child up there and me and my family start a big chat while she is playing , how would you feel. They shut up for dd next song. Turned out their dc were up after mine.
I think you need to say something similar to her. You sound like a great dad

KatieKaye · 26/03/2015 06:08

Your DD and her friend behaved very rudely and at 14 are more than old enough to know better. Especially as DD plays in the orchestra herself. There are no excuses for her behaving like that.
Why is your DW directing her anger at you? I think you need to agree a joint approach to tackling DDs rudeness.

EugenesAxe · 26/03/2015 06:16

LOL at imminent creation of FutopiaDad.

I don't think YABU - it's hard to know if it would be one of those things that hurts you more than them, but I'd be saying she couldn't perform in the next, or if she did it again she couldn't.

FutopiaDad · 26/03/2015 06:41

Thanks. I don't feel like a great dad at the moment Sad

DW was cross as she wanted me to deal with it and not drag it out. We do parent together but as I'd started it then she wanted consistency as opposed to her chipping in with her slant on things.

As I've got to go to work then I've made he a cup of tea, told her I'm disappointed and we'll chat about it tonight.

Thanks to all again for the advice. It's been really useful and I've even gained a new username Grin

loveareadingthanks · 26/03/2015 12:30

It's worth telling the orchestra leader/conductor about her behaviour as well. They can either have a word with her directly or give a general reminder about mutual respect and behaviour to the group.

LittleBairn · 26/03/2015 12:37

YANBU especially as someone who performs at concerts she should know better!

MrsFlannel · 26/03/2015 12:44

YANBU! When my DD was Mary in the school nativity aged 5 I was frowning up a storm at her as she chatted away to Joseph! I'd be livid at a 14 year old!

PeterParkerSays · 26/03/2015 12:52

I'd have moved them in an interval, so you and your DW were sitting in the middle with a girl (presuming bf is best friend not boyfriend) either side. Dreadful behaviour.