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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

teen fucking dramas!!

829 replies

Mintyy · 25/03/2015 20:41

I mean really and truly, aibu?

If you've never trod on eggshells before, you certainly will when you become owner of a teen.

That is all.

OP posts:
catzpyjamas · 05/04/2015 00:05

Congratulations butterfly.
This thread better be around at the end of the week as I may need to vent. We're leaving DSS home alone for 5 nights. Will we have a home to come back to, I wonderEaster Hmm

butterfly2015 · 05/04/2015 01:17

I too am very confused about the cupcake statement!

Catz you are very brave or just foolish. How old is he? Have you checked facebook to see if there is an event in your area, most noticeably at your address?

If the thread isn't here I shall start a new one and call it "parents surviving the hormones and the fucking unreasonable demands of teenagers"

antumbra · 05/04/2015 07:27

Don't go shopping with teens, it only ends in tears

butterfly- that's such a sad thing to hear. I appreciate that I have been slated on this thread, but comments like this actually make me quite sad to hear.
A day shopping with my DD is a massive treat for both of us-we are planning such a day for her birthday next month. It will be a birthday event/present rolled into one.
Buying stuff she needs, a new dance bag, trainers, jeans, I will be happy as she does need clothes as she has grown a couple inches . We will stop for coffee and a seafood lunch.

We are both looking forward to it. I love shopping with my DD.

My kids are not perfect, I am not a perfect mother. I know this post will be criticised but I don't really care.
I have taken an unusual road to perenting, I practiced AP. In the early years I did have doubts, but it felt so right.
I am now reaping the benefits. I have two close friends who also practiced AP and they feel the same way.

butterfly2015 · 05/04/2015 09:49

Do you honestly think I cry every time I shop with my dd? You have quite clearly had a sense of humour bypass and only lurk on this thread just looking for things to criticise.

antumbra · 05/04/2015 10:03

things to criticise. that's a laugh- this whole thread is critical.

butterfly2015 · 05/04/2015 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

antumbra · 05/04/2015 10:11

butterfly I can understand why your teens kick off if you choose such aggressive communication methods. Poor kids.

Cocolepew · 05/04/2015 10:29

Oh for crying out loud antumbra. This is a jokey/support thread for the annoying/incomprehensible things teens do.

Big wows that you and yours are perfect. My dds and I are very close but they still get on my wick, as I'm sure do I them.

You just sound sactimonious and severly lacking in humour.

Cocolepew · 05/04/2015 10:31

Well done on cake win butterflys
That cupcake conversation Confused Grin

StayingSamVimesGirl · 05/04/2015 11:07

Antumbra - you seem to have 'conveniently' ignored my earlier post on this thread, aimed at you. So I will post it again, in the hopes that you will learn a little empathy.

"Antumbra - teens are not just going through hormonal changes, their brains are restructuring, according to Charlie Taylor. If I recall his book correctly (I gave it to a friend, and can't check), he likens it to temporary brain damage - mild and transient, of course - but that does help explain why some teens lose all empathy, or the ability to control their tempers - and why it is, to some extent, out of their control.

And no-one is 'dissing' them - we are laughing together here, instead of trying to cope on our own, fearing that everyone else is coping far better, and we are the parental failures.

By trying to kill this thread, you are taking away a valuable safety valve that many of us need. You don't need it - you are lucky - but why do you want to take it away from those who do? Are you so determined to impose YOUR view that you can't - or won't - consider the needs and feelings of others?"

butterfly2015 · 05/04/2015 11:11

I have one teenager. One. Not plural. Which shows that you only read and see what you want to see and read. You have been on here being sanctimonious and looking down your nose at the rest of us but for some reason have decided to target me and no matter what I say you are still attacking me constantly.

In real life I'd walk away. The problem is you have been asked nicely and yet you still persist in your little digs about my parenting and come on saying my "poor kids". You do understand that I'm starting to feel this is a personal attack and I'm getting annoyed with you. So for the last time, stop it.

antumbra · 05/04/2015 11:28

you are still attacking me constantly

I haven't attacked you. You are the one who told me to fuck off remember.

BalloonSlayer · 05/04/2015 11:49

Don't go shopping with teens, it only ends in tears antumbra you need to learn to recognise a deliberate hyperbole.

I have a great time shopping with my DD - so long as I keep paying for everything she wants.

When we HAD to get a dress for a special occasion I was tearing my hair out.* We went round the whole mall - urgh. Near the end DD saw a dress she almost liked. It's a bit expensive she said, it's £70. By that stage I didn't care if it was bloody £270! In the end she found one in the - of course! - first shop we had gone into and it was £12.99. I ended up feeling the need to apologise to the host of the special occasion that DD had such a cheap dress but it was the only one she liked - luckily the host had had teenagers too and understood.

  • antumbra. That's another hyperbole. I did not actually remove one single hair from my head. You do not need to post that you feel sorry for my DD for the embarrassment of having a mother who went all round Westfield pulling out tufts of hair from her scalp and leaving them all over the mall and how your DD has never made you pull YOUR hair out because you did AP. Grin
Shockers · 05/04/2015 11:57

Antumbra, I was enjoying this thread in the lighthearted spirit in which it was meant. However, I gave up on it days ago because of you hovering over it with your big grey cloud of self righteous perfection.

I've just clicked on it again to find that you're still here... despite this obviously not being the thread for you.

wifeandmotherandlotsofother · 05/04/2015 12:09

DD2 aged 18 is currently unimpressed that her dad won't pay for her to fly up to her gran's funeral and is making her sit for 6 hours in a car next to DD1 her 23 year old sister. DD2 gets incandescent with rage over DD1, whom she thinks speaks to her in a patronising way and treats her like one of her class (DD1 is a primary school teacher) My favourite line is "DD1 is only nice and easy going to show me up, you all love her, you thinks she shits glitter" and I am sure in years to come we will find the humour in "God, can I not even wear what I want to my own gran's funeral"
Clearly it will take a while.

RickOShay · 05/04/2015 12:38

Antumbra, I am geniunely pleased for you that you feel close to your teenage dc. It is a good thing, healing and right.
I also practised what some people might call AP with my dd. I had a lot of demons myself from my own childhood. While I adore dd the very bones of her, she drives me POTTY. The two are not mutually exclusive. Sometimes it is helpful to know others are going through similiar things to you, it makes you feel better, indeed this thread has already helped me with dealing with dd. Be generous.

LauraMipsum · 05/04/2015 12:51

I understand the cupcakes. Someone likes Lancelottie Junior because she gave this person her last cupcake, although this was not a purely philanthropic cupcake donation as it saved her carrying the packaging for a dozen cupcakes into a geography lesson.

Can't help on which cupcakes they were though. Grin

ragged · 05/04/2015 13:26

I thought few showers was a good thing, totally cuts the risk of them getting too close to the opposite sex. Grin

Ledkr · 05/04/2015 17:14

I'm thinking there is a new mumsnet goady fucker!!
I'm guessing it's best ignored Grin
I definitely de this thread as light relief where we can jokingly swap horror stories and empathise when things get tough.
For that reason we are likely to over exaggerate and use sarcasm to humour ourselves, I for one will be continuing to do that as it really has helpede to weather a few storms of late and sharing is helps educate and realise you are not alone.

I had a lovely trip to London T the weekend with teen dd, we would have looked like the perfect mum and daughter combo (without the seafood lunch bluergh)
Today however we made easter nests and IT turned I to world war 3,
(That's an sarky exaggeration in case people can't tell)

antumbra · 05/04/2015 17:18

I am dying with laughter.

Cocolepew · 05/04/2015 18:08

The delinquent has dyed her hair purpley/red, well I did for her . I forgot to put vaseline along her hairline so her forehead is a fetching shade of purple.

Steppeoneggs · 05/04/2015 18:33

antumbra - you really make me laugh that you think AP is the answer to all problems. It is actually possible to do AP and still find teenagers exasperating, and not easy to parent.

You remind me of my old pastor. One Sunday he was preaching about something and said that his girls never swore because one day he had sat down with them and explained what the swear words meant and they thought that wasn't very nice so they never used them. He had 3 very sweet gentle girls, who have grown up to be 3 very gentle women, with, to be blunt not much personality to speak of. He thought that he was a great parent because he had never had any problems with his girls.

It never occurred to him that there are kids out there with very different personality types. My ds for example, when I explained what the swear words were that he was learning in the playground aged 6, thought they were really funny and they became his favourite words. If you suggest anything is a bad idea to him, it makes him immediately want to do it. He is a very bright, interesting, larger-than-life personality who doesn't cut anyone any slack, not even his mum, and he had been a real challenge to parent well.

dd1 on the other hand is a gentle soul, quiet and studious, and pretty straight forward to parent, I don't think that will change that much in her teenage years, as long as I write on the calendar what time of the month it is (she is 10 and I can already see the hormone patterns!!)

Congratulations, you have kids who have been straight forward to parent. For the rest of us, humour helps

And yes, it really does feel as if you are picking on butterfly.

Please, go and start your own thread. I have followed this one for days and found it so encouraging as we are hitting the teens with a vengeance with ds, and the humour and funny stories has made me feel like we are quite normal after all.

YouTheCat · 05/04/2015 18:41

I can offer hope! Dd is 20 now and is mostly lovely. We've been through many ups and downs. 14/16 was the worst as she struggled to find her place in the world.

I didn't do AP. I hadn't even heard of it until I came on here 5 years ago. We all find our own way. Every child is different.

StayingSamVimesGirl · 05/04/2015 18:45

Antumbra - I don't find you funny at all. You give the impression of colossal insensitivity - what else can explain your ability to read posts explaining the damage your smug pontification on the near-perfection of your parenting and dc could do on parents who are having real struggles with their teenagers?

It might be interesting if you tried to explain how AP is going to help those on this thread who are having difficulties with their teenagers' behaviour. Do you suggest a time machine so that they can go back and practise AP on their babies? Or how you feel your anecdotes about how wonderful your relationship with your dc is, can help those who are having difficulties relating to their teenagers?

Maybe you just like making other people feel bad about themselves - that would explain your continuing with this behaviour after being told the damage it could do.

Ledkr · 05/04/2015 18:47

Happy to oblige Grin at least it's cheered you up.

I have just spent a few minutes sorting through dds "washing"
This consisted of re folding and putting away lots of lovely clean fresh articles which she had decided to chuck in the wash to avoid the tedium of putting them away Hmm oh and of course carrying with one hooked finger the delightful pants she had left as a booby prize.

Bless her little heart.