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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So angry with DP about my (our really) dog...

28 replies

sunflower49 · 25/03/2015 19:54

We have two dogs between us, both share their care although one is more 'his' as he had the dog before we met, one more mine as I acquired him a few months ago-it was through me if you see what I mean but he 100% agreed to it, we discussed it in depth before taking another on.

I'm not sure if It's relevant but 90% of the time It's me who takes to vet, takes on long walks etc-we share buying food but recently this seems to be my 'job', too.

But anyway, today I went out for a couple of hours left both dogs with DP who was doing some renovations.

Returned, ask 'Where is my dog?'
Dp says 'Just noticed that'.

Long story short, dog has been missing for who knows how long, I run straight out calling him, asking neighbours etc as does DP.

No luck until an hour or so ago when it transpires a neighbour took him in,fed him but couldn't look after him for the night and telephoned a kennels, and he's now with the warden. The neighbour had apparently been up and down our street asking people but nobody had made the connection and as DP was oblivious to the dog having gone out, he wouldn't have been looking.

He's a lovely little dog absolutely no malice, soft as anything, very trusting. Not too far from us there's a not-nice estate with a lot of dubious breeding and fighting going on , and a main road- I was worried sick not least because the dog's not had a great life, we're his third home after his first owner died,was in rescue for almost a year and his second owner was going to put him back in rescue. And of course he could have ran into the road, been killed and/or caused an accident.

Warden fee is £110 and I feel I wouldn't be unreasonable to make DP pay it. It's his fault, and I know accidents happen and people make mistakes, but It's the fact he didn't even notice the dog was missing.

DP is in the doghouse. Do I need to have a word with myself or am I right to be angry and say this has to come out of his pocket?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 25/03/2015 19:57

How did the dog get out and why doesn't it have a collar on with your phone number?

sunflower49 · 25/03/2015 20:02

He has a collar and he's chipped thankfully- DP's number is on the collar (he's in more often than I am )but his phone was off/on silent. The neighbour didn't try to call us but the warden did-however I got through to them and they identified him.

DP has no idea how he got out. He cant remember if he'd left our gate open, or if he's followed him out to the bin or something-he doesn't know!This is what makes me angry.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 25/03/2015 20:05

Of course he should pay

I'd never leave my dog with him again - but I adored my dog and I'd be purple with fury if he'd done that

Summerisle1 · 25/03/2015 20:08

I'd be bloody livid and yes, he should pay the £110. Does he have a similarly disinterested attitude towards his dog?

JainaProudmoore · 25/03/2015 20:08

YANBU! Poor puppy dog Shock

Tbh I can't really understand the my dog/your dog mentality, but then again I am a sucker for dogs.

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2015 20:09

In that case YANBU and he should pay.

sunflower49 · 25/03/2015 20:10

I really am, Laurie :(

I keep thinking how scared he must be, I can't pick him up until tomorrow 'cause by the time I had found where he was, they were closed for pickups.

OP posts:
Koalafications · 25/03/2015 20:11

YANBU. I would be furious if DH allowed this to happen to my precious little princess dog.

Shakirasma · 25/03/2015 20:13

What does your not so DP have to say for himself?

GERTI · 25/03/2015 20:13

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TheHappinessTrap · 25/03/2015 20:16

Pour dog! And poor you op. I would be seething, incandescent.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 25/03/2015 20:18

Is your address on the tag?

wifeofdoom · 25/03/2015 20:20

But what if you had accidentally let out either dog? I have done this (luck
ily with no ill effects) but if I had and the dog had been run over I would not expect my dh to blame me, even if I blamed myself. And sometimes you just assume the dog is sleeping somewhere. I don't always know exact location in house of both dogs. So I think you are bing a bit hard on him, both dogs are family shouldn't matter whose dog belongs to who- like kids.

GERTI · 25/03/2015 21:31

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 25/03/2015 21:47

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CitySnicker · 25/03/2015 21:47

...wonders if he's the wee brown fella on the local vets page :)

DartmoorDoughnut · 25/03/2015 21:48

YANBU I would be absolutely fuming Angry poor wee dog

TendonQueen · 25/03/2015 21:53

I'm a cat person but I'd be furious at this happening to an animal of mine and getting such a lackadaisical attitude from the person responsible.

Why has it drifted into all the dog care being your job? Is your partner like this with other household responsibilities too? And yes, he should pay the warden fee. He should really have already said that he would.

Anomaly · 25/03/2015 21:55

In your shoes I'd be annoyed with him. I hope he's at least feeling a bit guilty.

I would also be worried that you have assumed responsibility for the dogs presumably your DP was capable of looking after his dog before you? Their care should be shared between you.

AlternativeTentacles · 25/03/2015 21:59

Are you sure he 'just noticed that'? I mean, really?

enviousllama · 25/03/2015 23:30

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunflower49 · 25/03/2015 23:49

Good points about the address. I am going to update both our dog's collars definitely. I feel very bad for not having this before.

Unfortunately I totally do believe he 'just noticed'. He's very 'in his own world' when he does anything requiring concentration.

I probably did make it a bit more emphasised than needs be 'his dog/my dog'. I guess I thought perhaps somewhat relevant that this dog was my initial idea and a new addition , but you're all right, it really isn't-I mean if it hadn't have been either of ours and just in our care, just as much an issue. I don't call DDog1 'mine' as he'd had him for years before I came along?

Well, me and not-so-DP have had a talk now. I was so angry before I was seething. If I'm a bit mad, I'll shout, if I'm shocked/quick burnout angry too, but I was so furious I couldn't say anything, I didn't know what to say!

He says;

Man had called around asking did we have any scrap. DP says yes. Man says he'll be back in 5 minutes. We have a sort of terrace but separated from next door by our own alleyway which goes to the back garden-DP opened the gate to our alleyway in order to let scrapman get to the back, where we have a lot of some junk requiring pickup.

DP goes back upstairs to continue working on stuff. Scrap man doesn't return. DP forgets all about scrapman, and so it seems, the fact that he'd also left the back door to the garden open and now both dogs could get out.

As for the comments regarding is he lazy/irresponsible, I won't deny it this is an issue.

We have shared money, for family, house costs etc, and our own money. I manage mine much better than he does so often I foot vets bills.

He doesn't enjoy walking them, I do, but if I cant or I'm ill/not here/whatever he has to be nagged to, he wont just do it. I find this bizarre as I think It's much the point of having a dog. He does claim to love both dogs, but It's a bit 'good cop bad cop'. I'm train, do vet stuff, do the boring things he just cuddles them and loves them and feeds them. I don't mind most of the time, but right now I'm livid-he's a bit of a 'dog disney dad' but he's failed to protect one of them this time :(

House hold responsibilities are pretty much equal, if anything he does slightly more-I'm busier outside of the home so it makes sense-but he has his own realms of the house (tools/his desk etc) which are minging cluttered and I won't touch. I also make all major house/money decisions. I'm just more 'serious/organised/sensible/ boring I suppose.

wifeofdoom you do make a good point regardless of how I feel about it, I guess I should just be grateful my dog's safe and thankful it wasn't a much worse outcome. I am! Just feel sorry for my little dog in a kennel all night and I can't do anything about it for now :( I hope he's okay.

OP posts:
NickiFury · 25/03/2015 23:54

Damn right he should pay! I would be absolutely furious.

TendonQueen · 26/03/2015 01:04

Are you planning to have kids? If you are, it seems to me like this is a warning indicator of how you could expect things to be.

Hope you are able to get your dog back quickly tomorrow. He'll be so pleased to see you.

AlternativeTentacles · 26/03/2015 07:36

Isn't the first rule of dogs 'don't leave doors/gates open'?