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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell DS' dad that he isn't having him over easter?

20 replies

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 25/03/2015 19:21

Background - me and exP have been split up for a year. In this time he hasnt found a place of his own or got a new job enabling more hours and pay. He is living with his Dad at the minute.

For various reasons, since about October last year exP has been having DS at my house, overnight and on his contact days.

It came to a head last week after coming home on Wednesday night and finding my house a bomb site. He had had DS at my house Mon-Weds (I stayed at my mums). I asked him when he was going to sort his own place out. It blew up into an argument and he stormed out.

He text me saying that he wouldn't be having DS overnight, he wouldn't be picking him up or dropping him off and he wasn't having him his half of the easter holidays either. I gave it time to cool off and text him the next day telling him that he was being out of order. Anyway, he didn't relent and said as I 'wanted to be sole carer it was my job to sort it'.

So I made other arrangements for the four days over easter, he is going to spend them with my sister and her son. They are both excited.

Anyway, he text late Saturday afternoon saying he would have him overnight and Sunday and I stayed out.
Today was his day and when he dropped him off I mentioned that this weekend would be his last day for two weeks. He blew up again and said he doesn't care what arrangements I made, he was having DS regardless.

WIBU to text and say that he made it clear he wasn't having DS over easter therefore I made alternative arrangements and he can piss off will have to deal with it.

Sick of his crap. It's just a way for him to control me or make my life difficult! Angry

OP posts:
Collaborate · 25/03/2015 19:24

Go ahead. Sounds fine to me He'll have to learn not to throw his toys out of the pram. Your son deserves better.

Leeds2 · 25/03/2015 19:27

Go ahead with what you have planned. You did give him the choice.

I would personally put a stop to him having access in my home, too.

DixieNormas · 25/03/2015 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elllimam · 25/03/2015 19:30

I would also stop contact in your house. You are not being unreasonable about Easter.

cleanmyhouse · 25/03/2015 19:34

stop contact in your house.

FlyingPirate · 25/03/2015 19:38

Agree with PP, go ahead with your Easter plans and stop future contact in your house

Arion · 25/03/2015 19:43

Keep the texts, stick to your plans, don't let him in your house again. If he wants to see his son he arranges something suitable, expecting free reign of your house is not appropriate.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 25/03/2015 19:45

Glad IANBU!

After last week I told him he was no longer able to have DS here during the day. I would allow the overnight here until I moved and once that happened if he hadn't found a place, he wouldn't be able to have DS overnight.

And he turned up today expecting to have DS here. Which I said no to, so he took him back to his dad's.

I just hope he sorts his attitude out. Everything waa going fine for about 6 months and then bam, 5 weeks ago he started with this sort of crap and it's been something every week since. Sad

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 25/03/2015 19:48

One fine day he will sort himself out and want every second CD . . . won't that be fun? How old is DS?

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 25/03/2015 19:51

Every second CD?

He is 21 months. And bloody awesome. Grin

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 25/03/2015 19:55

Who still has cds?!

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 25/03/2015 19:57

Whats CD?...I think I'm missing something here! Grin

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 25/03/2015 19:57

21 months? Then I am right. There are years before he can decide for himself where he wants to spend CD. If your ex sorts himself out (probably because he meets somebody else with more sense than he has, which may not be saying much, and a good attitude) the point will come when you don't have him with you on CD.

Andrewofgg · 25/03/2015 19:57

CD is Christmas Day!

DoJo · 25/03/2015 20:02

Andrewofgg

I'm not sure what you're saying, but it sounds like the OP is a good mum who would be happy for her ex to establish a relationship with his son based on what's best for the child rather than either of the adults in this situation, even if that does mean that they share Christmas day custody.

Andrewofgg · 25/03/2015 20:06

DoJo I'm sure you are right about OP but if her ex settles down and sorts his act out - and especially if he has further children who are his DS's half-siblings - the point will almost certainly come when he wants the boy to be part of his family CD. You can read all about it on MN every November and December. Sometimes you get a handover in the evening but that depends on distance. The fact is that some mothers have to be lonely on CD so that the father won't be - and vice versa.

GERTI · 25/03/2015 20:11

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Summerisle1 · 25/03/2015 20:15

YANBU. You've taken him at his word and made alternative arrangements which your ds is looking forwards to. Perhaps this might make your ex-p realise that playing mind games is going to get him precisely nowhere.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 25/03/2015 20:24

I know the dreaded CD contact is coming. Sad This year I told exP he could stay with us so I didn't have to be without DS.

I've tried really hard to establish a good, friendly and flexible relationship between us as I didn't want DS 'split' between the two of us. I'm slowly realising that it isn't going to happen as there is no respect from him. He just takes the piss.

I suppose I will drown my sorrows when the time comes that DS is with his father on CD.

GERTI - loving that! I've seriously considered going down the solicitor route but I just could no way afford it. DS' childcare is 670 a month, soon to go up to 800 and my rent is almost half my wage too.

I have text and said that at his insistence I made alternative arrangements for DS and that I was sorry but I wouldn't be changing them back.

I await his dickish reply.

OP posts:
GERTI · 25/03/2015 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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