to be anxious/panicky about easter holiday socialising..

[ihatelego]

Just wanted some opinions as I don't have my mum or anyone else apart from men really and I get a bit worked up about things!

Feeling very panicky and anxious about a mum at DS school (reception) who is very keen to meet up during the easter hols for DC to play. He's my first DC and my plan with school mums was to go under the radar and play it safe, i don't really fit in with many as I'm one of the younger mums (22) but this particular mum is very nice, we can chat quite easily and I'm fine with that at drop off/pick up.

This is just making me worried though as it's taking it a but further, I don't know the sort of "rules" about these get togethers I'm a bit socially awkward as well and I don't have my mum or anyone to talk to about these school related things so I'm literally learning on the fly!

It doesn't help I'm 36 weeks pregnant so will be crossing my legs most of the holidays, and I am a bit conscious of my house too.. it's a perfectly fine house, it's clean, tidy, functional but it's a small terraced on a less well to do street, mostly working families but i get these bizarre worries that i'll be judged as not having a good enough house, my furniture needs updating etc god i don't know basically what I want to know is:

am I being silly?
how do these meet up things go/any advice?
do you take notice/judge people on where they live or maybe this is just because of my age and anxiety!

I'm not really used to this kind of thing It's always been me and my DS or close family doing things together apart from occasionally.

(DS and the mum's DS aren't particularly good friends, they ignore each other mostly) also didn't realise i mentioned not having my mum twice just miss her a lot at times like this!

Seriously, if anyone's judging you for your house or anything else, then they are not the kind of person you have to worry about for a second. They are idiots.
I bet they won't be judging you, though. Parenting can be lonely/boring for everyone - she just wants to have an activity with a mother and child she has reason to think she will get on with for a couple of hours. You sound like you quite like her, too. It's just a short play /chat/cup of tea - it doesn't have to be a massive commitment. You're not signing anything away! If it goes well, you can do it again. If not, doesn't matter. It might be fun, though, and useful for you and your son.
Have an activity out in case the kids struggle to play independently together - just pens and paper, or something like that. That's my hard-won playdate wisdom!
Sorry you haven't got your mum around any more.
I hope it goes well, but try not to worry too much.

Ah, OP my mum is not around either - passed away in 1992 but I still miss her every day :(. It is perfectly normal to feel like this about socialising with someone who isn't a 'friend' and the only thing you have in common is that your kids are in the same class. I'm sure she won't judge you - she sounds like a nice person. In all honesty, if I go round another mum's house & it's not spick & span I heave a sigh of relief! Why don't you meet somewhere neutral for the first couple of times then if your kids get on you can invite their child over. The best thing to do is to ask questions about themselves & their child, to show that you're interested in them. People like talking about themselves! Just nod when they're talking to show you're listening and chip in when you can. I have met other mums who have been painfully shy and not really said much and I have found that to be rather awkward TBH and it makes me feel shy as well! So just try to be natural without forcing the conversation. IF you have any other concerns I'll be happy to help, I have years of experience! xx

OP, I share your anxiety but try not to worry. If the weather's nice, why don't you all meet in a nearby park for a run around (them - you park yourself on a bench!), get the kids an ice lolly then walk back to yours for a brew. All very easy and lighthearted.

And don't worry about folk judging you. I used to let things like that get to me but as I've got older (I'm 35) I've just thought sod 'em. I live in a scruffy ex-council house whereas my DD's reception classmates all live in fancy schmancy large new builds but I couldn't give a monkeys, as long as DD is happy and loved and gets to do nice things with her friends.

Op you sound really lovely, why don't you meet up with them and see how it goes? I'm sure she won't judge you! She's probably a bit lonely and trying to meet make new friends, if you don't enjoy it you can make your excuses next time!

Thank you everyone you've reassured me no end! that would make sense she's lonely too as she did say her partner is working all holidays like mine so I'll suggest a local park or something, weather's meant to be nice thank you again

Is there a soft play (or similar) where you could arrange to meet her for the first time? Lots of distractions so you don't have to make small talk, your DC will probably play together just fine if they are doing something like this, and you and other Mum can sit and have a hot drink...
Once you've broken the ice, you will feel more relaxed about meeting again - as pp have said, anyone who judges you for where you live is not someone that you want as a friend - but this Mum sounds as though she herself might be a bit lonely, so I'm sure that all will be well

The perfect x-post

Meet in the park. Suss her out and then invite her to yours.

Ihatelego
I just want to say that a small welcoming (and by that I mean - there's obviously stuff going on , life is lived and fun is had in preference to cleaning) house in a non snobby area sounds lovely
I find the huge over polished beige show homes with no sign of life are terrifying
as for rules...if there are rules, its only because someone made them up..make up your own, decide what your comfortable with before hand and suggest before hand
eg : text - just checking were still on for...day i thought we'd meet up ..(somewhere) ...@ whatever time. go to ? the park ? and wear them out for an hour - and then go back to mine for a coffee

btw you sound lovely !

Thank you for the suggestions, feeling much more positive

You sound lovely OP and IMO any nice person would lucky to have you as a friend! Good luck, let us know how it goes!

...be lucky