AIBU to ask friends for ideas for their dc's birthday presents?

[nameuschangeus]

So my dc is invited to a joint birthday party with 2 children in his class. I know both mums - one well enough to chat with, the other well enough to socialise with. I haven't seen either mum since the birthday party invitation came home so I texted them both (separately) asking if they had any ideas what their dc's would like. Both replied - one said 'anything' the other said 'he likes the usual stuff'. AIBU to ask? I was thinking that the boys might appreciate something they actually wanted rather than something random, which is why I asked. I know this is a first world problem but I'm interested to know what other people do / think...

I think you're both being perfectly reasonable.

It's nice to ask, but it's also polite not to give a list of demands wants.

I have a friend like that. Anything will do. Well that's bloody helpful! if your budget could take it, how about a small toy and a gift voucher for a toy or clothes store

I always ask. Im happy to go out and find something, but like to know in advance if there is a favourite. Its also costly to build up a decent Playmobil or Lego (etc) collection so id love it if I got a response of "Anything you fancy, but he is into Lego at the moment".

It's my DS party on Saturday, a few people have asked what he likes but I've given quite vague answers like anything at all or anything boyish. I could say he loves Mario and he loves lego the people would feel it necessary to buy him lego and I don't want people going to that expense. I feel a bit grabby specifying a particular gift.

One of mine is having a birthday party soon and one mum has approached me to ask what he's into. I didn't find it odd, but my concern is that it might make the person feel they have to spend lots of money on a specific thing. For example, I said he really likes a certain Disney character, so I hope she won't feel the need to go to the Disney Store to buy a toy. There are cheaper bits of tat in the name of that character in other shops that he would be just as happy with! I also said he likes Lego. I know the sets are quite expensive, but he would be thrilled with a £2.99 minifigure packet. But at the same time I didn't like to say 'just buy a cheap version' in case she thought I was insinuating she was poor! So it is a bit of a minefield. I tend not to ask, and just buy something I think a child that age might like.

I tend not to for children from school, but I don't think it's rude. I get DD to choose what she thinks they will like based on what they have said to her. For example "max" talks about cars all the time, so we buy a hotwheels themed gift etc.
I have asked for suggestions when buying for my niece as her tastes change so fast it's hard to keep up. So YANBU.

They're having a party so are probably getting quite a few gifts. If the mums take the time to ask for specific things they could end up with duplicate presents if they have multiple people asking them, unless they have loads of ideas and keep track on what's they've said to who. As well as the presents they're buyif themselves AND other gifts off family. Yadnbu to ask but equally I understand their response.

While I don't think its rude or unreasonable to ask, I personally, do not like being asked if the person asking is anyway close to me or mine.

Like if its any of my siblings or my mother I sort of feel that they should be know my child well enough.

When my kids were smaller I would bring them with me when going to buy the present for their little friends. It was a good chance to teach them about giving something instead of getting. And I would expect they would pick the gift too, after all it was their friend so they should know what to get!

I never ask....apart from anything else not asking leaves you with a better range in your budget.

Could be a range of reasons. For me I am not keen on people asking as within one month I have to do Christmas for my 4 children and then birthdays for 3 of them so it gets hard enough thinking up what to get them and then when granny x 2, auntie x 3 and then friends all start asking it gets a bit much if school friends asked too.

That said if I was asking I would just say cars, lego or craft things whatever was suitable at the time. Sometimes for school friends I have done a football or pj's/swim cozzie or books/craft things.

A classmate gave my son a new packed lunch bag this year and he was delighted with it.

When my kids get invitations I usually accept invite and say "is there anything specific they're into these days, or just the usual kid stuff?" That way I think I'm asking if there are specific presents wanted, but not putting undue pressure on the Mum to give me a list of ideas.

DS2 is 6 in a few weeks, and if anyone asks me I'll say that he's into football but anything else boy-ish is fine (I need to avoid any kind of Frozen stuff, as he considers it to be very girly!)

I think it's a lovely thing to ask. My DD hates all girl stuff. In previous years she has been given stuff she really didn't like and didn't understand why she had been given it. I really appreciated it this year when people said to me they were aware that she wouldn't want pink girly stuff. She got some amazing gifts - Spider-Man pumps, model set, slime, pens,Spider-Man colouring book, football theme stuff. She was delighted and I was so appreciative. It's not about the costs - it's that the child gets something they like

If I know someone quite well I usually ask if there's anything in particular the child is after and I either offer to buy it or make a contribution.

If it's someone I don't know well, I try to get a gift receipt so they can take it back if it's a duplicate or not suitable.