to wonder when or if feeling a bit lonely will pass?

[suddenlycupishalffull]

I'm a SAHM, having given up a hard-won professional job in between DC1 & DC2. We moved to a new area last year & I'm throwing myself into local life - I go to every group going, am on PTA (DC1 goes to pre-school a few days a week), take lots of walks & chat to neighbours etc. But.....I do feel very lonely at times & I'm worried that this won't get any better, that this is just how it feels when you're not at work (my job was very people-focused, so I was talking to lots of different types of people all day, every day). My pre-schooler is not yet 4 & my youngest is just hitting terrible 2s, so 4-7pm can be really terrible some days. I have no family support locally so it's just me all day, every day. I can't do things on my own yet (like college courses or going out in the evening) because both DC are at home most of the time, & we don't know anyone locally to babysit for us so I'd have to go out on my own in the evening. I feel like my old life (and my old self if I'm honest) just doesn't exist anymore, & I feel a bit lost & lonely. Is this just a symptom of being at home 2 children under 4? Or does this loneliness last beyond this very intense stage?!

Hi. I think it takes time to settle into a new area, but having kids might well help. Give it time, you've had lots of changes in a short time.

Also maybe take if in turns to go out and do an adult thing in the evening like a class or the gym. Not necessarily kids focussed.

I'm sued someone will be along with advice on babysitters! It actually sounds like you are doing quite well..

Sounds to me like you're doing rather well. In your shoes I was a gibbering housebound wreck covered in sick and shit from morning to night with no clothes that fit me and a complete inability to hold a sensible conversation anyway! Playgroup made it all better and I made lifelong friends there. I did the evening class thing and felt just like the Only Parent of Small Child in the Room - the rest of them were beautiful young things with full diaries and high heels. Fuck that - I'm not sure I'd ever advise anyone to do that!

Crikey you sound like you're doing a great job putting yourself out there! Sorry to hear that you feel lonely sometimes, maybe it would help to write down what you are hoping to find to alleviate that?

How about your oldest or closest friends? Old uni friends maybe or school friends or old colleagues or just people who've known you for a while?

Sometimes arranging a glass of wine and a Skype chat with a friend even if they are in your old town/abroad/wherever can feel like going out. Takes a bit of arranging and it feels artificial but my frinds and I are always pleased when we manage to make contact. I feel like what you need is talking to someone who knows and understands YOU.

Are you me?! We moved abroad when DC1 was a baby and I did exactly the same - threw myself into everything but it always seemed like a huge effort. Even now, three years on, it's always easier/simpler to catch up with old friends 'back home'. However, it does get easier. Suddenly this becomes your real life, as opposed to the life you feel you've given up/would have had. My children don't really remember where we used to be and whilst it's somewhere we talk about, their home/reality/friends/local parks and points of reference are all here. Just about to do the school run but will come back later and post some more. You will get there - promise!

Ask mums or the pre-school if they can recommend anyone to babysit.

Can you host a coffee morning at yours?

Ha FarFrom your message made me laugh for the first time today!! It's really encouraging that people seem to think I'm doing well cos on bad days (today was one) I feel like I'm getting it all wrong & just want to crawl into a hole & hide, it all felt too hard today but I know we all get days like that. I'm not as close to my old Uni friends as I was, everyone is so busy with children and work, it's hard for everyone to find the time to catch up, even over the phone (they live all over the country so we don't meet up anymore). I should be brave and offer to host a coffee morning, I'm naturally shy so the thought of it makes me want to hide (again) but I know I should be doing things like that. Friendship groups are very well established here (people know each other from NCT classes & most are on their 2nd or 3rd child) so no one at the school gates needs a new friend, as such, but to be fair everyone has been very welcoming & friendly. I think it's just reassuring that it's not just me who feels this level of loneliness, it can be hard to pick yourself up & try again the next day when you feel really low, though of course that's exactly what you do do.