I posted a few weeks back about finding out that when my PIL were minding our three kids (aged 6,5,3) there were locking them in the bedroom overnight. I only found out when my 5 yr mentioned it. I was furious about it, but DH didn't think it was a big deal. I was ready to go nuts with his parents but he asked that I leave it to him to deal with and I agreed.
He confronted them about it and they admitted it but were not at all apologetic and said they would keep doing it as it was their house and their rules.their reason was that the kids could fall down the stairs, DH asked them about putting up a stairgate at the top of the stairs but they refused despite having one at the bottom.
I was quite upset about all this and told DH that we would never leave the kids with them again in their house. There were also issues with MIL threatening to slap the kids and always giving out to them on the weekly visits. There had been plenty of issues down through the years and I'll be honest and say I can't stand them, and they can't stand me.
I suffer with anxiety and this and the susbsequent fights with DH over it caused me to start having panic attacks again. DH felt I was overreacting and was looking for an excuse to fight with them.. He said I don't make an effort. I reminded him that in the previous few months I had gone away with them for a weekend camping which I hate, I had spent hours choosing his mothers Christmas present as she made it clear she didn't want his usual voucher, we spent Christmas day with them again for the fourth year in a row as they would otherwise have been on their own and I conforted her when she was upset about something. She has done nothing for me. He complained that I don't go with him when he brings the kids to visit them on a Saturday, but then admitted that they don't want me there and neither does he as you can feel the tension when I visit as I'm not welcome.
Anyway here is my problem. They knew I was upset over what they did yet the have not made any effort to speak to me about it. I had initially not wanted DH to bring the kids to see them anymore and said they could visit them in our house (because of the threats to slap/giving out/her house her rules situation). Because it was causing me so much anxiety I backed down and said he could continue bringing them.
I now regret that. I can't stop all this eating away at me. I feel DH has let me down by letting them disrespect me, they absolutely don't care how I feel about the matter and they have made no effort to address it. They have said to DH that they know I am upset but are happy to leave it at that and DH is too. All that has happened is that they have been let off the hook as regards babysitting - which they never liked doing anyway. They still get to carry on as normal, DH still does all the running brining the kids to them, and they have been let away with their complete disregard of my feelings. They don't give a damn about the kids and if DH didnt bring them to visit they would never see them despite only living a few miles away.
I thought I would be ok and to be honest I thought maybe DH wouldn't make the same effort with them. But he is still going to them every week, he has bought them an anniversary present, fathers birthday present and mothers day present since this happened.
Every week when he goes off with the kids I feel sick to my stomach with bitterness. But I feel I can't go back on what I agreed. How can I get over this?